Sam Allardyce

Big Sam manages a big club every day ... Ian Hudson gets the fat jibes going Photograph: n/a/Photograph

Big Sam finally gets to manage a big club ... on his PC! John Paul Barry gives Big Sam some thumb time Photograph: n/a/Photograph

'Big Sam tries to RON a MUEK with the established order of things' – Fine wordplay from Patrick Spragg Photograph: n/a/Photograph

'You don't understand, Alex! I coulda had class. I coulda been a contender. I coulda been somebody, instead of a bum. Which is what I am, let's face it.' Carleton Creek gives Big Sam his place on the Waterfront Photograph: n/a/Photograph

'With a little help from Sir Alex, Big Sam can just about manage a little club ... however, Big Sam's futile attempt to manage a big club brings out hysterics in Sir Alex' – Mike Snell thinks Big Sam likes a lotta chocolate on his biscuit Photograph: n/a/Photograph

Big Sam's promise of Samba football at Real Madrid wasn't quite what president Florentino Pérez had in mind, riffs Phil Brown Photograph: n/a/Photograph

'I'm tellin ya Sparky boy, all we need to do is just get ourselves a couple of nice big clubs and we'll be fine' – The likeness is unnerving, Paul Stevens Photograph: n/a/Photograph

'I'm not suited to Real Madrid or Internazionale, I would be more suited to Bolton or Blackburn,' José Mourinho announced in a shock press conference. 'It wouldn't be a problem to me to go and manage those clubs because I could finish ninth or tenth every time. It's not a problem to take me into the middle of the Premier League or the early rounds of the Carling Cup and would make my job a lot easier in not winning anything.' Rob Marriott brings Medium-sized José into the reckoning Photograph: n/a/Photograph

'When Big Sam boasted he could return Real Madrid's trophy cabinet to its previous lustre, he promptly got the call to put his skills to work' – Will Wilson makes us smile Photograph: n/a/Photograph

'Sam dreams of one day revelling in the exclusive lush greens of Europe's elite clubs' – Dom Bartolo gets extra points for cuteness Photograph: n/a/Photograph

'Now you see if I was in charge of the Greek Gods …' Patrick Donnelly's effort is divine
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'He's living on a planet of his own' – Douglas Fenech riffs on a joke that has kept science teachers happy for years
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'A secret snapshot of Sam's bedroom explained a lot' – Douglas Fenech gives Sam a magic mirror
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'Yet another double in Madrid for Big Sam' – Alex Kouzarides, you're so cruel
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'Worst. Delusion. Ever.' – Jeff Wu keeps it simple
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'Fat Sam didn't like the foreign muck they served over in t'Spain. Eggs & chips only – and he's quite vocal about it, too.' – Leon Ward sents us a paella entries
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'Sam Allardyce is always going on about his use of the latest football trends and innovations. One has to assume he would start taking C-Ron's beachwear advice too.' Thomas Nycz-Losi makes us squirm
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'In Big Sam’s case it was more of a slamming door that sent his life in a different direction' – Ben Daly, we thank you. Doesn't Big Sam make a lovely Gwyneth Paltrow?
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'El Conductor steps into the driving seat at Real' – Jason Froggett can see Big Sam making the right turn
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'With his move to real imminent, Big Sam brushes up on the lingo' – Graçias Paul Berry, que me has hecho sonreir
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