SQUAD GOALS
Big Cup is back, baby! And what better way to get in the mood for the drama and hype of Europe’s greatest club competition than with an earnest discussion of Joe Hart’s pass-completion statistics? Hart’s surprise exclusion from the Manchester City side to face Sunderland on Saturday was down to an inability with his feet rather than his hands. In the last three seasons, only 49% of his passes have been successful, as compared to 85% of Manuel Neuer’s, a striking discrepancy pointed out by various sports newsreaders with a solemnity previously reserved for the assassination of politicians.
Hart is likely to remain on the substitutes’ bench in Romania on Tuesday night, when City play the first leg of their Big Cup qualifier against Steaua Bucharest. Yaya Touré was left out of the entire squad, with suggestions that, at 33, he is happy to do the Bogarde and run down his £11m contract on a quid pro eff all basis. “Yaya is training amazing,” said Guardiola, as a nearby polygraph coincidentally exploded, “but I was not sure he was going to play so I would prefer him to stay in Manchester. We travelled with two young guys and for the selection I prefer it to be the young guys than Yaya.”
If City do fail to reach Big Cup proper, after all the hype of Guardiola’s arrival, sales of schadenfreude sandwiches will go through the roof. But although it’s conceivable they will have a few awkward moments in Tuesday’s game – especially if there is any truth in the rumours that John Stones will start – they will surely go through over the two legs.
City laboured against Sunderland on Saturday as the players adjusted to Guardiola’s sophisticated 0-2-1-0-2-2-0-2-1 system, a formation he picked up watching Wimbledon in the late 1980s, and there should be more teething problems. “It’s taken some adjusting, but it’s OK,” said Kevin De Bruyne. “He has his tactics. I don’t really play as a No10, more as a free eight, with a lot of movement everywhere. Everyone is starting to understand it. You sometimes could see someone thinking: ‘Where should I run?’ but for a first match it was better than expected. The intention is to play from the back and then scroll it to me and David [Silva], so we can be five against four.” And with that The Fiver started to weep uncontrollably as it realised the pseuds would soon be earnestly discussing Hart’s scroll-completion ratio.
LIVE ON BIG WEBSITE
Join Lawrence Ostlere from 7.45pm BST for hot MBM coverage of Steaua Bucharest 1-2 Manchester City.
QUOTE OF THE DAY
“It is sad that someone can do something like that and ruin an evening. It is a sad day for football. But football is bigger than these idiots” – Ostersund keeper Aly Keita after being attacked by a masked intruder during their game at Jonkoping Sodra. Police said a 17-year-old man had been arrested.
FIVER LETTERS
“Fascinating to see, in the photo of Big Sam and Little Gareth in yesterday’s Fiver, that the grey-haired man next to them was fast asleep. It is a law of nature that no human being could fail to be enthralled by a seven-goal thriller so what was it that rendered him unconscious? The only conclusion is that the conversation between English football’s answer to Bill and Ben was so tedious as to render the poor chap catatonic” – David Carr.
“I assume that the purported photo of Yannick Bolasie at his pre-transfer Everton medical (yesterday’s Bits and Bobs) is actually a game of Spot the Deliberate Mistakes. I counted three, as follows: 1) the chap with the stethoscope in his ear is actually reading a tyre pressure monitor; 2) the ECG leads are connected to an overhead projector; 3) no football club could possibly have a motto with ‘Nil’ in it.
Do I win a prize?” – Ian Tasker.
• Send your letters to the.boss@theguardian.com. And if you’ve nothing better to do you can also tweet The Fiver. Today’s winner of our prizeless letter o’the day is … Ian Tasker.
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BITS AND BOBS
Seven years after Lord Ferg’s sympathy letter to knacked transfer target Steven Defour, the Belgian has wound up in the north-west of England. At Burnley. “I called a friend of mine who plays at Brentford and he told me Burnley was the best team in the Championship and that it would be a really good choice for me,” cheered Defour.
Liverpool want Crystal Palace to part ways with £28m in cold, hard cash, along with £4m in add-ons, if they’re to prise Christian Benteke from Anfield.
West Ham boss Slaven Bilic is still feeling fresh and funky after Diego Costa escaped a red card to score Chelsea’s late winner on Monday night. “From our point of view we are not happy with that,” he sniffed.
João Havelange, the Brazilian who ran Fifa for two decades, has died in Rio de Janeiro at the age of 100.
And Spurs will be without Hugo Lloris for the next month after his hamstring started twanging.
STILL WANT MORE?
“Shred your season ticket within the first hour of the campaign.” David Squires’ latest cartoon dissects the hype and rage from the first week of the Premier League season.
Want the lowdown on Hapoel Beer Sheva, Big Cup play-off opponents of the Queen’s Celtic this week? Well lifelong fan Shaul Adar’s your man, with an emotional account of their unlikely domestic title triumph.
Yannick Bolasie – from beanpole to ‘beast’: Ed Aarons on how Everton’s new signing became hot property.
Antonio Conte may have stamped his trademark Passion And Commitment all over Chelsea’s win over Taxpayers FC but José Mourinho’s shadow still lingers, reckons Amy Lawrence.
Raheem Sterling may have been the designated team scapegoat™ during England’s abysmal Euros campaign but his versatility may yet have its uses for Manchester City, chirps Ben McAleer.
Oh, and if it’s your thing … you can follow Big Website on Big Social FaceSpace. AND INSTACHAT, TOO!
