Neatest fit
Russia’s Kirsan Ilyumzhinov - eyeing a run at the Fifa presidency, a year after he won a sixth term as head of world chess. The millionaire mystic, who denied voter intimidation, bribery and “farcical” ethics, told Russian media: “The Fifa proposal is there. I decide if I fight.”
• Ilyumzhinov - who says he was abducted by aliens in 1997 (“They wore yellow spacesuits. It’s all perfectly normal”) – had his first big career win in 1993: elected president of poverty-hit republic Kalmykia after campaigning in a nine metre-long Lincoln saloon under the slogan “a wealthy president is a safeguard against corruption”. He offered voters $100 each, plus “a mobile phone for every shepherd”.
Meanwhile
Also on Fifa’s longlist: Ghana FA head Kwesi Nyantakyi – detailing his plan to boost falling domestic attendances by deploying “sexy ladies” in “nice jeans”. “Me, I have said this thing over and over … we must let sexy ladies enter our stadia and the men will readily follow. They’ll jump to the stadium, purposely to see the ladies.”
• Ghana FA technical director Francis Oti Akenteng: “My president is right. When the beautiful ones are there, the handsome ones will come too.” Football administrator Takyi Arhin: “I agree. Wherever you see flowers, there are bees.”
Other news: best message
Italy: Serie B, rolling out a new green card scheme to reward on-pitch acts of fair play. The scheme – backed by Italy FA head Carlo Tavecchio, convicted five times since 1970 for forgery, tax evasion and abuse of office – aims to champion “all acts of honesty”.
Best world view
Agent Jonathan Barnett, talking after official Fifa figures showed $700m paid to agents on $12bn of international transfers since 2013. “Football is better than it’s ever been. Everything is wonderful.”
Manager news: most methodical
22 May, Peterborough owner Darragh MacAnthony, setting out the process that led him to appoint inexperienced Dave Robertson on a three-year deal, with a pledge of “time and support”. “After looking at it all top-to-bottom, the conclusion I reached was one of pure clarity … Sure, some of our fans won’t see it as a forward step and will moan about my decision, but that’s what being a chairman is all about, making tough decisions, not letting sentiment interfere, being methodical when the chance allows itself. The decision is made, now the new management team has to show the football world why it was made, and that it was, and will be, the best decision I’ve made for a long time.” 6 Sep: Sacks him.
Other manager news:
• Best unveiling: Romania – Timisoara mayor Nicolae Robu helping introduce new ACS Poli Timisoara coach Daniel Stanciu to the press. “He wasn’t the first choice, to be honest. We couldn’t get the one we wanted. No offence.”
• Best reign: Bulgaria – 17 June: Ludogorets hire Bruno Ribeiro; 23 July: Owners back him “categorically” against critics. 14 August: Owners invite him to leave by mutual consent. 2 Sep: Owners “unilaterally terminate” him when he says no.
• Best self-defence: South Africa coach Shakes Mashaba on dealing with critics. “One person commented on the radio that I didn’t fasten my tie and that’s why we lost. He said I was not serious. So that is why I went out to buy this nice new jacket, to look young and fresh.” Mashaba says he’ll rise above it, like “Jesus Christ himself. He went through such pains, but he went on preaching.”
Most laid back
Mexico: Former international Cuauhtémoc Blanco, elected mayor of Cuernavaca after copying and pasting his Wikipedia entry into his candidacy form to save time. Blanco won on a respect agenda, two years after being fined £1,500 for mocking a referee’s prominent jaw with “sustained gurning gestures”. Local media: “This was low behaviour.”
Also unruffled
Croatia: Dinamo Zagreb owner Zdravko Mamic – still awaiting trial for fraud and bribery – stripping at a wedding while singing hits from the 80s, including regional turbo-folk classic: “No one can hurt us … We’re stronger than fate, those who don’t like us can only hate.” Mamic denies wrongdoing.
Best togetherness
Romania: Under-pressure FC Botosani coach Leo Grozavu, inspiring his players from the touchline with lines including: “Ivanovici, I’m going to beat you”; “Plamada! Cretin!”; “Miron, you devil’s butthead, pass the ball or I’ll kill you”; “Bordeianu, your brain is empty, what the hell are you doing?”; and “Patache, asshole, I’ll beat you to death, you idiot, you’ll see.” Owner Valeriu Iftime: “I’ve told Leo to be more upbeat.”
Plus: humility latest
2007: Cristiano Ronaldo reveals in his new book: “Humility is one of the values I most cherish. On the day I have a child , these are the principles I will pass on.” 2015: Launches a new line of Cristiano Ronaldo underpants, buys a second waxwork of himself for his home, and unveils his new signature scent “Cristiano Ronaldo Legacy” at a PR event, backed by “an army of models in gold gowns”.
