Because the one thing none of us has had enough of is tiresome references to ancient Greece, readers are asked to behold the four-headed goddess Miseria, pictured shortly after Liverpool lost the Champions League final to AC Milan in Athens
On the left is Chloe Patjzer, consort of Bolo Zenden; middle bottom is Peter Crouch's girlfriend Abbey Clancey; and on the right we have John Arne Riise's partner Maria. Don't waste your time on middle top - she's not going out with a footballer. Though by the looks of things it's only a matter of time.
But where is Alex Curran, you may ask, fiancee to Steven Gerrard and the Wag equivalent of Davros?
Do keep up.
At the precise moment this picture was taken in the Olympic stadium, Alex was back in the press box with her Fleet Street colleagues, putting the finishing touches to her Daily Mirror shopping column which appears every Thursday.
Rain or shine, win or lose, Alex never fails to file her hard-hitting verdict on final whistle. You know why? Because she's a professional.
Yes, there are times when you wonder whether she couldn't get behind the H&M buying team a bit more. Yes, you end up debating whether the relationship between Alex and dungarees need always be so attritional. And yes, occasionally the pressure of a live event will force an error into her prose: "Cherries will be big this summer," read one of yesterday's items, "and these cute neck scarves are sooo cute."
But these are mere irrelevances. Above all else, Alex's membership of the fourth estate serves as the final nail in the coffin of those who delude themselves that journalism is simply a trade, and not the heroic first-draft-of-history-business that it so obviously is.
