Rlyan Clark has shared that dark thoughts led to a period of hospitalisation following the breakdown of his marriage.
The loveable star who rose to fame on X Factor bravely opened up about the time he felt he couldn't continue to live.
Rylan said he had to be hospitalised for his own safety and thanked his family and friends for their support, sharing that he 'genuinely' has no idea if he'd be here without them.
The Essex native explained what happened when he "vanished" from TV and radio after the split was announced last summer, The Mirror reports.
Rylan and presenter Dan Neal, whose claim to fame stems from Big Brother, broke up after six years of marriage.
Determined to become famous by any means, Rylan - real name Ross - burst onto our screens on X Factor before winning CBB and then becoming host of the show.
Speaking to the Observer, he said: "I didn't think I'd be here. I didn't think I could continue." Could continue to work, I ask, or to live? "Both. I didn't think I'd actually come back. I was very… gone.
"I was having thoughts and doing things that made me… f****d up, for want of a better word. I didn't understand why I was doing that to myself. So, I went away for a bit." To hospital? "Yes. For safety reasons." He coughs gently.
"It's really strange talking about this, because I've not even spoken about it to my friends. I just never thought I could get that ill.
"Strange situations do very strange things to people. If it wasn't for my mum, and my family and close friends I genuinely have no idea if I'd be here."
Rylan explained his time in hospital taught him to say no to people after his Rylan persona started to invade his private life and admits although his marriage breakdown was a trigger, says he needed to find "Ross" again.
He adds: "I learned I'm worth something. That I should be proud of myself, not embarrassed of Rylan. I should be proud that I can build my mum a house. I should be proud that I can employ my family. I learned that."
* If you're struggling and need to talk, the Samaritans operate a free helpline open 24/7 on 116 123. Alternatively, you can email jo@samaritans.org or visit their site to find your local branch
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