Ryan Babel

'Imagine Ryan's delight when he discovered he was going be a big-name wrapper,' cackles Peter Briers Photograph: Photomontage

Here's David Rees: 'Ryan never recovered from having two right feet' Photograph: Photomontage

'Feel bad about ripping on Rafa but he replaces Gael García Benal beautifully,' says Douglas Fenech Photograph: Photomontage

'I just think he looks like Pob,' pobbles Matt Loren. 'I'm probably alone in that opinion though.' There's no probably about it, Matt Photograph: Photomontage

Jonathan Round also gets on the Babel fish riff Photograph: Photomontage

'Sometimes Ryan would cast his mind back to July 2007 and think: "Where did it all go wrong?"' Old Bean Alex flicks through his favourite porcine DVDs Photograph: Photomontage

Ross Clayton reckons this one will be going cheap in the January sales Photograph: Photomontage

Jonathan Heath sees Ryan getting used to bench life Photograph: Photomontage

'Ryan publicly criticises Roy Hodgson’s tactics with a bit of help from some fellow rappers,' says Ben Daly Photograph: Photomontage

'Whenever I see Ryan coming off the bench, the David Gray song Babylon comes into my head. I can't make it stop and it's becoming a problem.' It is a toe-tapper though, Phil, you can be thankful for that Photograph: Photomontage

'Somehow in this version I don't see Babel becoming the Great Prince of the forest,' sighs Tom Nycz-Losi Photograph: Photomontage

‘Looking for a career move, Ryan fell at the first hurdle,' says James Harvey Photograph: Photomontage

Stewart Allan has noticed Ryan's tweetophilia Photograph: Photomontage

“Never has a player typed so much crap,” chuckles Jason Froggett as he references the most boring story ever told on Twitter. And there's competition out there too Photograph: Photomontage