Large parts of the nation will grind to a halt tonight. Children will go unfed. Cows will go unmilked. And pub landlords up and down the country will be asking: "Where's everybody got to?" It can only be one thing - the Archers' love triangle.
The world's longest running soap doesn't sound like the obvious place to find a hotbed of infidelity. But that has all changed in the run-up to the 15,000th episode, which airs at 7pm tonight.
Millions of listeners will sit glued to the wireless as they finally discover whether Ruth will risk her marriage to David for a night of hot passion with herdsman Sam Batton. Poor old David. He thinks she's off to see an "old friend".
But David can hardly talk - he only just stopped himself having a fling with old flame Sophie. Crikey! It's enough to make EastEnders sound boring. Still, that doesn't take much these days.
Anyway, all this Ambridge sauce hasn't gone down well with listeners, who say the latest shenanigans are completely out of character. Not so, says programme editor, Vanessa Whitburn, people change in the Archers just like they change in real life.
Radio 4 listeners are a notoriously sensitive bunch, but the fury with which they have greeted the latest plot developments is unfortunately reminiscent of the Annie Wilkes' character in Stephen King's Misery. Fortunately none of them have suggested hobbling Ms Whitburn.
A confession: I've tried several times to get into the Archers, each time without success. Don't get me wrong, I'm all for rural affairs (of whatever description), and I never miss Countryfile.
Maybe it's the theme music, maybe it's because (to the untrained ear) all the characters sound the same. Or maybe I played too many ZX Spectrum games as a kid and have no visual imagination left whatsoever.
Still, there's nothing like an anniversary episode to stir a scriptwriter's imagination. For the show's 10,000th anniversary a chirpy sounding Irish chap dropped in to the Ambridge village fete. Ooh look, it's Terry Wogan. Yes, it really did happen.
So is it real life? Or really rubbish? Should I start listening? Or did it jump the shark years ago? Oh, and I've had a sneaky peak at script for the 20,000th edition. A tractor breaks down and the Bull runs out of pork scratchings. It looks like they've learned their lesson.
