What a bizarre season this is turning out to be. Last week we saw the exit of one of this season’s most contentious figures, Aiden Zhane. Controversial opinion time: in retrospect, Aiden got a raw deal. It wouldn’t be unreasonable to assume that he was purely there to create storyline and stir up tensions. And he paid the price.
And now, everyone hates each other. Wait. Did we miss an episode?
The interior delusions lounge
Turns out week seven’s beef is all the result of Untucked, Drag Race’s little sister show. Basically, after the filming of the main show, the queens all sit in one of the production offices and yell at each other. In the US, it airs live right after the main show. Here in the UK, it’s not available on live TV or on Netflix ... If you want to watch it, tough, you can’t. Unless you take it upon yourself to locate it via one of those illegal sites with “torrent” in the url, which of course we would not condone. Or Pornhub, they seem to have everything these days. Not that I’d know.
Heidi is irate at Gigi Goode and even does an irate hair flip. Widow is irate at Jackie Cox, so irate she accidentally spits out a catchphrase, “apolo-lie” (a combo of “apology” and “lie” - sounds good out loud but wouldn’t work on a t-shirt. Sorry, Widow. Nil points to Slytherin. You will NOT be holding a drag brunch sponsored by Butterbeer at The Three Broomsticks). Jan says there’s a “Jansition” happening in the show, which is better.
We love Heidi but her insecurities are really coming out. Gigi, it seems, is being fairly reasonable and didn’t mean to cause offence, but Heidi is out for blood. *Stanley Tucci voice* GIRD YOUR LOINS! Cue theme song!
Maxichallenge
Please don’t be an acting challenge, please don’t be an acting challenge …
Phew! This week’s episode is based on Madonna! She is not one of this week’s guest judges – if she had been, it would’ve made everything feel a bit less random. Maybe she was busy creating a new skincare range made of Mars mud, ethically sourced chakras and iPad dust. Or maybe she was like “do a Madonna themed episode as a pitch, and then maybe, MAYBE, I’ll be a guest judge on season 13”.
It’s a musical challenge which, like Snatch Game last week, is always a good ability barometer. To use a patriarchal toxique masculine phrase, it separates the men from the boys. Note to self: Toxique Masculine would be a great drag king name. As would Brent Cross. The challenge entails choreography, recording a song, and presumably, leg work, floor work, chair work and ... hair work.
Don’t make me sing!
The main storyline for the recording scene is – Jan can sing, many of the other girls can’t. This is an interesting distinction between UK and US drag. The UK drag scene is much more built around cabaret, comedy and live vocals, whereas the US scene is much more look and lipsync focused. RuPaul looked visibly surprised by how well all the girls did at the singing challenge in Drag Race UK – in the US one, it’s like pulling teeth. Don’t worry girls, it’s being edited by the same producers who do RuPaul’s music, so they’ll know their way around an autotune.
can't wait for jan to snap next episode pic.twitter.com/1WLLbiMJaE
— incorrect drag race (@incorrectdrag) April 11, 2020
Over to the choreo stage and Widow has fallen into what seems an increasingly common trap on Drag Race – telling everyone you’re amazing at something, then putting too much pressure on yourself, overdoing it, and creating a disaster. We can relate.
A quick shout-out before we move on: the choreographer, Jamal Sim, is great. Consummate, friendly, talented, inventive. He throws together a special routine to work around Widow’s knee injury in seconds, where other guests would have castigated her for complaining. Professionals using their skills to help better and uplift other professionals. More of this please, both in Drag Race and in life in general.
Madonnalogues
Back in the workroom, the girls are discussing Queen Madge. They’re right when they say she’s done a lot of work for the LGBT+ community. She’s worked tirelessly and constantly, and back when it wasn’t cool as well. She also bluntly discussed HIV and AIDs and a time when many other celebrities were scared to. Her Like A Prayer album, released in 1989 came with a leaflet giving facts about HIV. She risked her career to help save people’s lives. THAT is what being an ally is.
Heidi reveals that her uncle died as a result of AIDS-related complications. Crystal touches on her father having Parkinson’s, which is an important interlude – it’s a rarely discussed condition in the mainstream, and she gives a real insight into how difficult and life changing it can be.
Take it to the runway
RuPaul pumps down the runway looking positively sporty. It’s not often we can see her legs! But not our favourite look from her this season, or ever, in fact. Guest judges are gorgeous supermodel Winnie Harlow and ... oh my god. Actual Alexandra Ocasio actual Cortez. Why are we surprised by this. Of COURSE we live in a world where congresspeople are now Drag Race judges. She’s wearing a gorgeous sequin number and a look of excitement mixed with a certain oh-god-what-have-I-done frozen grin. The same look people have on Location, Location, Location when they’ve just agreed to buy a four bed fixer upper in Harrogate.
The girls perform their musical numbers – they’re all pretty good but Wednesday night East London Madonna drag could give any of them a run for their money. So could the ULTIMATE Madonna impersonator, Nadya Ginsburg (many of the jokes in this episode and in this column owe her a massive muffin basket). That said, Crystal and Widow are BRILLIANT. AOC’s eyes are going back and forth like she’s watching a ping pong match.
🎶 @CrystalMethyd better win a Grammy for this song-g-g-g-g-g 🎶 #DragRace pic.twitter.com/LxNdvfr5iz
— RuPaul's Drag Race (@RuPaulsDragRace) April 11, 2020
For the runway, it’s Night Of A Thousand Michelle Visages – GENIUS. Apart from anything else, it means we’re going to get to see Drag Race’s most judgemental judge, judging ... herself?! Imagine watching a parade of drag queens dressed as you. Not many people have experienced that. Just her, Madonna and Patsy Stone.
We get a gorgeous moment between AOC and Jackie Cox. Aaaw. Nothing but respect for OUR president. Winnie Harlow’s great too, with assured and valuable contributions – but it’s hard to match up to AOC. Heidi comes out with one of the quotes of the season, sayings her wig is held up by “hairspray and desperation”. Heidi, you just described drag! Gigi wins again – she was great but we’d have given it to Crystal for her superb interpretation of hippy, Ray of Light era Madge.
Lipsync for your LIFE
Uh-oh! It’s Heidi versus Brita. To Madonna’s Burning Up. Heidi says of her dress “it’s a cute girl, I paid ten dollars for it”. This is why we want her to stay. And she does, thank god. Bye, Brita!
Heidi betta bring it cause brita has been here before she know what to do to win @RuPaul @RuPaulsDragRace #Season12 pic.twitter.com/3qeaPoMFuY
— Leslie Jones 🦋 (@Lesdoggg) April 11, 2020
Notes and observations
Shadiest moment That massive argument at the beginning which, if you haven’t watched Untucked, came out of NOWHERE.
Catchphrase watch “JANSITION”
Animal print hunt Tantalisingly territorial this week at four items; Crystal’s customary leopard print tie and leopard print neckerchief, Winnie Harlow’s giraffe print blouse and Heidi’s leprosy print Madonna dress.
Just between us material goyles This season is running a really interesting course - many of the girls who appeared strong at the outset have been booted out unexpectedly early, leaving room for more unconventional and less experienced contestants to flourish. INTERESTING.
Although, I’ve suddenly realised that the finale hasn’t yet been filmed. Will it ever be filmed? Is this the season of Drag Race which never ends? Just the finalists – minus she who will not be named – lip-syncing for eternity. We’re here for it.
