Season 12 of Drag Race seems to be going by quicker than a bottle of gin in lockdown – we’re mere weeks away from the final, which raises an interesting question. Will they postpone it? Will they film it on Zoom, the three finalists waiting with bated breath from their bedrooms? Or will they just not have one and leave us to draw our own conclusions?
That would be quite subversive but we’d actually be here for it. VH1 however, would probably end up getting sued by Gigi Goode, who we’re picturing marching into a courthouse with a team of silent lawyers in sunglasses.
We’ve put out our journalistic feelers for some intel on the final, so watch this space!
The Workroom
Widow is very honest about how, while she’s of course sad to see Jan go, she’s glad she beat her. While not our favourite, Widow has actually been consistently honest and real for the duration, which may well be why she’s still here.
Jaida characteristically doesn’t mince her words. “If a robot, a Barbie and a cheerleader all had an orgy, then had a robot-cheerleader baby, bitch ... that would be Jan.”
Heidi has officially changed her name to Heidi Hydrates. NO, HEIDI! We loved you for your strength of character and weirdness, and your awful, hilarious name (Heidi N Closet) reflected that. It was Ru that came up with Hydrates last episode, so does that mean she now ... owns ... Heidi? Either way, we are VERY disappointed in you, Heidi. Now, go get some skirts from Calvin Klein. And the twins need the unpublished Harry Potter manuscript.
We’d like to put this next thought to readers – what do we all make of the Sherry Pie edit? Because nine episodes in, and with increasingly less girls to edit around her, it’s getting ridiculously awkward. She’s there in some challenges and not in others. Sometimes she’s on the runway, sometimes not. Our take is – include the message about her at the end, fine. Then, for the sake of the organic running of the show, either edit her out completely (which would probably be impossible) or just treat her like any of the other queens. They should have more faith in their viewers. We’re clever enough to draw our own conclusions as to whether Sherry is a bad person or not. To Sherry or not to Sherry, which would you prefer?
‘Oh, an unfinished garment’
This week’s minichallenge is sponsored by a type of “health-monitoring cat litter”. This is why I love queer culture, it’s so nuanced and interesting! The dolls are tasked with getting into quick cat drag. Hi, Jennifer Hudson! This is hilarious, and they all shine.
Gigi regards a ball of wool with a level of disdain that’s actually quite unsettling – and utters the immortal line “Oh, an unfinished garment.” Crystal purrs her way into Lana Del Rey levels of glamorous apathy and Jackie Cox deservedly wins, after felining around (as Eartha Kitt) with even more unsettling panache than George Galloway in Celebrity Big Brother. She wins $2,500 worth of jewellery. They’re throwing so much money around this season, we’re half expecting a fur-rendered Taylor Swift to descend from the ceiling. But she doesn’t. A missed opportunity.
Choices, 2020
This week it’s the political debate episode, which is always interesting. It offers an insight into how plugged in the girls are to “the discourse” and also how quick on their feet they are with giving clever, concise answers to quite random and aggressive questions. You wouldn’t think that was an essential skill for a drag queen, but it really is. Just put on a full face of makeup and spend a Saturday night in a corner shop in East London once lockdown’s over and you’ll understand what we mean.
Ru’s doing the walkaround with Raven and the other girls are getting understandably miffed at how much free material is being given to Heidi. Gigi says she gets anxious around talk of politics – we feel you, Gigi! Ru says “it’s not something to be afraid of, it’s actually quite simple.” We just spat out our coffee. But Ru redeems himself in the next breath but describing Raven as a “staunch political strategist”.
Sidebar: WE LOVE RAVEN. If you don’t, get off this browser tab immediately. You don’t deserve to be here! Ru and Raven both hate Crystal’s idea of creating funding for the arts ... Ru even groans “BOOOORING!” OK. Wow.
The guest judges are announced as Rachel Bloom and Jeff Goldblum – “Jeff Goldblum is a dinosaur doctor,” says Jaida, “I love a man who knows about dinosaurs.” It’s the most we’ve laughed this week. Rachel Bloom is the magnetic star of Crazy Ex-Girlfriend a sunny and subversive musical sitcom which would make for an incredible lockdown binge if you haven’t already seen it – look it up, all four seasons are on Netflix in the UK.
We get some incredibly valuable workroom dialogue from Crystal, Jackie and Widow – Crystal on the discrepancies of being a young liberal, living with Trump-supporting parents, whom she loves; Jackie on how Trump’s jawdropping “Muslim Ban” had a direct and profound impact on her Iranian family; and Widow on how America’s inherent racism impacts her day-to-day life.
Take it to the runway
RuPaul’s in a slightly garish pastel look this week, looking like a strawberry/mint ice cream. Carson Cresley’s a master debater and he’s got the callouses to prove it! Rachel Bloom was born to be a Drag Race judge, the perfect sub for Michelle Visage (cheeky). And Jeff Goldblum is ... Jeff Goldblum. It’s ACTUAL JEFF GOLDBLUM! He just said the words “opalescent”, “statuesque” and “Grecian” all in one breath. Do you want to come write for The Guardian, Jeff?
Jeff Goldblum giving "She done already done had herses" is EVERYTHING! #RuPaul #JeffGoldblum #DragRace #DragRace12 #shedonealreadydonehadherses pic.twitter.com/7EWlwODKUV
— Art & Sex Web Series - Formerly Florian Sachisthal (@FSachisthal) April 18, 2020
Before the ladies’ looks, we’re transported to a debate room – a drag debate room judged by Rachel Bloom and Jeff Goldblum is the definition of perfect television. They’re clearly having an absolute blast. Jeff Goldblum saying “she done already done had herses” in his slow drawl, is honestly all we need out of television and out of life. “Don’t you love waking up in the morning, not knowing where you are, who you are ... why you are?” says Jaida. This is actually getting quite metaphysical and very surreal. Rachel Bloom is nodding sagely. Jeff Goldblum is visibly pondering the question. This might be the best episode of Drag Race ever.
To the runway. CATEGORY IS – stars and stripes forever. It might just be that the theme is a bit garish, or it might just be because we want to watch that debate forever, but we’re not really loving many of the girls’ runway looks. Except Jackie’s hijab which is stunning and a Drag Race first. Gigi is gorgeous too of course, in a “Quaker Oats fantasy”. The same silhouette as her Pirate look, if we’re picking nits.
Goldblum, in our view, shows his naivety when he feels the need to question Jackie’s runway look – and how it tallies with Muslim views on homosexuality and women. It’s her heritage to do with as she wishes, and these are questions she has herself pondered during the show. She holds her own beautifully with her rebuttal. Her retittal of the retuttal of the rebuttal. Jaida deservingly wins.
Lipsync for your LIFE
Jackie Cox and Widow Von Du are lipsyncing to Firework by Katy Perry. One of the worst songs ever, but one of the best lipsyncs ever. Jackie is magnetic and hilarious. Jeff Goldblum is crying. Widow’s stars are flying across the room. Jackie is staying.
i just learned about why jeff goldblum got so emotional during the lip sync battle and i-- 💔#DragRace pic.twitter.com/e5B9A9tq0m
— Felix 🧜🏻♂️ (@greggystrong) April 25, 2020
Notes and observations
Shadiest moment “If a robot, a Barbie and a cheerleader all had an orgy, then had a robot-cheerleader baby, bitch ... that would be Jan.”
Catchphrase watch “He’s a dinosaur doctor!”
Animal print hunt Leopard lockdown, with only two items AGAIN; Crystal’s customary leopard print blouse and leopard print neckerchief.
Just between us clever girls This was, truly, one of the best ever episodes of Drag Race. It had it all. Laughs, cries, Jeff Goldblum, political intrigue, touching moments and some of the amateurish absurdity that made us fall in love with Drag Race way back in season 1. 10/10. Well done everyone!
