11 weeks in, and the ante is officially upped. Jackie Cox and Heidi Aphrodite lipsynced last week and neither went home, apparently because they’re both just too good! While this was a huge relief for both girls, imagine being one of the others. As soon as Ru languidly mutters “you’re safe”, you think “YES! I’m in the top five!” Another step closer to the final! But no. Ru needs more airtime, more sponsored minichallenges, more questionable spin-offs, more merch, just ... MORE.
When we enter the workroom this week, Gigi looks like she’s just swallowed a bee (not one of the ones from The Honeybee Conservancy, don’t worry Ru) and Heidi has an epiphany about THE WORD epiphany. We’re starting to wonder whether Heidi is putting it on a bit for the camera, but you know what, if she is, there’s nothing wrong with that. It’s a necessary quality for America’s Next Drag Superstar to possess. Start your engines!
Everybody loves puppets!
For this week’s mini, the puppet challenge is back. Ugh. The queens pull a puppet incarnation of one of their competitors out of a hole, put it in drag, and then “have a bitchfest” with it. “No-one’s been in that hole for a long time,” says Ru to Crystal. “So please ... be gentle!” Hilarious! A hole joke from a drag queen. We have never, ever, heard one of those before. Also we have a feeling Ru has a crush on Crystal. There’s nothing to back this up, it’s just a feeling, because Ru talked about her hole (this kind of pioneering journalism and highbrow cultural commentary is why The Guardian has won awards).
Gigi Goode’s shady Jackie puppetry falls painfully flat. And she didn’t particularly stand out last week. Maybe ... Gigi’s ... in trouble? This season has been nothing if not surprising. Heidi’s puppet portrayal of Crystal is characteristically Heidi – makes no sense but is somehow still hilarious. Heidi is very Yara Sofia in that respect.
One-Drag Queen Show
The main challenge this week is a great one. The dolls are tasked with writing, creating and starring in their own one-woman show. If anything scrutinises their rolodex of talents, it’s this. Oh, and they’ll be judged by one of the world’s few EGOT winners, Whoopi Goldberg. Whoopi Goldberg just makes everything better. On Drag Race and in life generally. She plays herself in everything, but that’s fine, because herself is endlessly entertaining and hilarious and wonderful. In case you didn’t gather: we love Whoopi Goldberg and she must be protected at all costs.
The show will be performed in front of a live audience, and Ru says that, in terms of the structure and format “anything goes”. This SEEMS like it makes it easier but, actually, creating something without any limitations or guidelines can be much trickier, because it can run away from you. Just look at the latest series of Westworld.
As mini-challenge winner, Jackie Cox picks the running order and finishes by saying “speak now, because I don’t want people to come back and tell me things are shady later”. Some genius back-covering there. If more people thought do to that, people would communicate better, there’d be less fights, less drama ... TV wouldn’t be as good ... we’d be out of the job ... OK, moving on.
Heidi says “ooh, Jaida ... you in danger girl!” A reference to Whoopi’s iconic line and subsequent iconic gif, from the movie Ghost. 10 points to Heidi.
During Jackie’s rehearsal, Ru and Whoopi keep saying “who are you?” and “we’re not seeing the real you” which must be two of the most frustrating things a performer can possibly hear. “I now need to synthesise 34 years of my life into a 3-to-5 minute story,” says Jackie. Reminds us of our Zoom call last night. Or maybe Whoopi’s “I’m not drunk” reminds us of it more.
Ru doesn’t like Sherry’s (actually quite clever) goldfish routine, saying “it’s high-concept ... we just wanna laugh!” So basically, the Ru school of comedy is ... NOTHING TOO CLEVER. Makes sense. The most basic comedy is always the most successful. And that’s the tea. Hi, Will Ferrell!
Jaida says to Whoopi Goldberg that being on Drag Race is “almost exactly like” the journey of Celia in The Colour Purple. We must have watched a different version of that film. Whoopi looks ... sceptical. Gigi Goode is starting to admit defeat. Never a good sign.
The Stalk Market
This one has the same structure as last week – Ru’s runway walk, some chat from the judges, THEN the execution of the main challenge, then the runway looks. It’s a little confusing, but it works, we approve. A gorgeous look from Ru this week – pure glamour, pure drag, pure Vegas. Michelle is in leprosy-print, Whoopi is looking her discerning best and – brace yourselves – we LIKE Ross Matthews’ jacket. Dahlia Sin is in the audience as a broccoli. “She’s stalking us,” says Michelle. Very good.
Jackie’s show is touching and well-executed. Crystal’s is hilarious – if this were in a drag competition in East London, it’d make the final for sure. Heidi looks incredible but the comedy falls flat – it’s like watching an awful school variety show performance. Ouch. Gigi is visibly struggling to remember some of her lines, but when she does, they’re the cleverest and funniest lines of all the girls’ routines. Although as we’ve established, clever and funny doesn’t necessarily make for marketable comedy.
Sherry’s seems interesting but at 17 minutes, takes over three times longer than it’s supposed to. Sherry using her status as an accomplished performer to be manipulative and domineering? Quelle surprise. Jaida tells a “shocking” story which, by the standards of drag and Drag Race, really isn’t that shocking.
The runway theme is “The Colour Purple” – very good. Heidi’s runway look is very ... well, it’s very Jaida Essence Hall (on a budget). Jackie Cox’s is very Crystal Methyd. Sherry’s is the usual Sherry fare. Gigi’s is Scoobalicious and Jaida’s is breathlessly gorgeous – Beyonce just put down her salmon blini and sat up sharply.
Lipsync for your LIFE
Crystal finally wins a challenge. Heidi and Jaida Essence Hall are in the bottom two and Sherry Pie is safe. The song is Prince’s 1999. With Heidi and Jaida both shimmering in purple gowns, whipping and slinking across the runway, this lipsync is iris-tinglingly pleasing, like ASMR for the eyes. Heidi goes home.
1999!!!! They lip synced to 1999!🥺 best lip sync of the season luv u Heidi and Jaida 🥰 #DragRace pic.twitter.com/H7xClxTMg9
— ☀️erin (@virgomazikeen) May 9, 2020
Notes and observations
Shadiest moment “Fuck you, Gary”
Catchphrase watch “Heidi ... somethin’”
Animal print hunt A leprosy print quarantine, with three items this week; Crystal’s two leopard print interview pieces as always, and Michelle’s panel look.
Just between us squirrelfriends The fact that Sherry Pie escaped the bottom two is infuriating. It’d be infuriating even if we had no prior knowledge of her wrongdoings. She broke the rules and had a huge advantage over the other girls, by brashly steamrolling through an extra 12 minutes of stage time. For that, she should have automatically been in the bottom two. We’ll be writing a strongly worded email to RuPaul, which he’ll move straight to trash. He’s probably massively regretting it, knowing what he knows now. So that’s a small consolation.
