As I’ve said before to anyone who bothers to listen, mostly the cat, every motorcycle comes with its own fantasy.
On a Harley, you’re riding west on Route 66 for a burger and beer with your tough but tender cowgirl sweetheart, on a Norton you’re Geoff Duke roaring to victory in the 1950 TT, and on a Royal Enfield, you’re pottering through the Cotswolds on your way home from the airfield for afternoon tea with your fiancée Cynthia, a fragrant English rose who rescues puppies.
And indeed there I was, humming along happily through the Cotswolds on the new Enfield Meteor 350, the latest in a long line of Enfield cruisers dating back to the original Meteor 350 of 1952.
The latest iteration is new from the ground up, but thankfully it’s retained the cushioned thump which for me will always be the heartbeat of India since Paddy Minne and I rode two Bullet 500s from Delhi back to the UK in 1998.
They were made of tinfoil and hope, and every bit which could rattle and fall off did, but with Enfield now producing over 900,000 bikes a year in three state-of-the-art factories in India, backed up by two even more state-of-the-art tech centres there and in the UK, this one’s beautiful old school looks hide a host of modern refinements.
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The low seat and 191kg wet weight are designed for easy handling, and the highish bars and slightly forward pegs for relaxed all-day pottering.
Not too far forward, mind you. Ducati take note, since it ruined the Diavel with the forward pegs on the XDiavel, and Harley, whose so-called highway pegs assume that the human body is U-shaped and that we all have a physio on speed dial.
The speedo is an elegant blend of digital and analogue, with all the info you need: speed, fuel, gear, time and trip, and beside it is a neat little screen which links to Google Maps and gives you simple navigation – a bit like what Triumph’s done with the Beeline, although in that case it’s a £199 strap-on extra.
There are lovely details everywhere, like the retro-style switches and the beautifully designed filler cap.
Start up, and the air fills with that gentle putter which always brings me back to sitting in Delhi in 1998, looking at the chaotic traffic and thinking that I’d only passed my test a couple of years before, only ridden 30 miles in my life, and was just about to ride the 7,000 miles home.
Bonkers, and a good thing too. Normality is death.
Acceleration is surprisingly brisk from only 20bhp, as below you, the soundtrack from that happy little engine rises to an eager thrum.
Handling, as I expected, is as light as the ghost of a small feather, and although I’m taller and heavier than the average rider, I didn’t feel any need to adjust the rear suspension preload.
Rather cleverly, the bike won’t let you start the engine with the sidestand down, normally a feature on more expensive machines, and apart from a couple of false neutrals, the five-speed gearbox is as sweet as a nut.
Even with a single disc, the front brake is entirely adequate, backed up by a hefty rear disc because the riders of heavier cruisers tend to use both brakes, and although the Meteor is so light that it’s hardly necessary, I did find myself using both in hard braking to keep the bike nicely stable.
It came in handy when the blind chap in the Range Rover pulled out of the driveway of his charming mansion. Probably that fellow Clarkson.
Top speed is a gnat’s whisker over 70mph, so motorway cruising is entirely possible, although the bike’s at its happiest in environments like the sinuous A and B roads of the Cotswolds we were on at the launch, or filtering with ease through urban traffic.
After over two hours of spirited riding, the fuel gauge hadn’t budged, so I estimate the economy at about 100,000mpg.
As Enfield’s Head of International Business Arun Gopal said, in 2018 the lovely little Himalayan adventure bike increased the company’s European sales from 3,361 to 6,330 a year, then in 2019 the brilliant 650 twins doubled that again to 11,666.
Will this bargain beauty do the same again? Well, at a price which makes it the most inexpensive classical motorcycling you’ll find, I wouldn’t be a bit surprised.
It’ll be the perfect choice for riders moving up from 125cc, retro lovers on a budget, commuters with a sense of style or just anyone who enjoys the simple pleasure of being out on the road on a fine day without needing 200bhp and a gazillion riding aids.
It’s a little gem, as gentle, enthusiastic and giving as, well, a woman who rescues puppies.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ll see if I can use this navigation thing to find out where Cynthia's got to.
I suspect I’ll arrive home to find a Great Dane in the kitchen.
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