TAXI FOR TACTICS TIM?
Attention! General Charles C Krulak demands your attention! Tactics Tim does not have only two games to save his job according to the Aston Villa non-executive director – not just a real man but also a real general, who has served in Vietnam and the Gulf – allaying fears that the future England manager will be out of work again soon. Not for the first time General Krulak has been on the club’s message boards and social media – perhaps using the username Ron Saunders’ Lucky Socks, or simply Lennie Godber – to see what fans are making of losing six and drawing one of their last seven league games.
The General has assured them his finger is off the proverbial managerial trigger and Tactics Tim was having none of the notion that defeat at Chelsea – an unimaginable feat considering how easy other teams have found it at Stamford Bridge this season – would leave him one failure away from saying sayonara. “I have no understanding of this, no one has spoke to me about two games,” a saluting Sherwood said. “I am realistic enough to know that I’m a football manager who needs to win football matches and we haven’t done that. So if you don’t win games as a manager, you get sacked, that’s what happens.”
At least Tactics Tim has been given a shot of realism. Let’s not forget this is the man who proclaimed a September double-header of West Brom in the league and Birmingham City in the Milk Cup were two of the biggest games in the club’s history. Realism is one thing that he needed, but there are still a pile of problems for him to fix. A game plan would be a decent start. Figuring out his strongest team would be good progress. It might even be the path to winning a battle or two.
While the results have been dismal, actions elsewhere have been kind. Much of the attention will be on the José Mourinho soap opera tomorrow, not the visitors’ dugout where Sherwood will no doubt flail his arms about, gesticulating wildly without his players understanding a bit of it. The Chelsea manager is feeling lucky that he is electronic tagless and still in a job after his melodrama following the defeat to Southampton – he will, of course, command the spotlight.
Additionally, the attention has been deflected further from the Villa manager because of the first football match that will feature more pressing than the bloke hitting buttons on the Chvrches synthesiser at White Hart Lane. But at Villa Park the weak jokes have dried up. The win ratio this season is a desperate 12.5%. Sherwood’s new signings are not firing and only the perpetual crisis clubs of the north-east sit below them in the table. It is more than realism he needs – he needs to put points on the board. If not, he might find himself heading for the exit.
QUOTE OF THE DAY I
“It has been an awful two weeks” – Louis van Gaal clearly feels the same about the international break as everyone else.
QUOTE OF THE DAY II
“I never understand why you should not celebrate, especially as I don’t score many goals. If I score I will go crazy” – Thank you, Sylvain Distin. The Bournemouth defender talks sense ahead of his return to Manchester City.
FIVER LETTERS
“In the event that following England’s sad dismissal from the Rugby World Cup, hirsute prop forward Joe Marler decides to take up football, is quickly signed by Liverpool, and after a dressing-room confrontation in which he is shorn against his will, declares that either he goes or his manager goes, feel free to use the following, gratis: Klopp Lop Shock: Crops Top Prop’s Mop, Cops Kop Chop” – Dan McSweeney.
“Re: football headlines: STOP, STOP, STOP, STOP, STOP, STOP, STOP” – Peter Worley.
“May I be the 1,057th pedant to point out that Chinese striker Dong Fangzhuo would have been known as Mr Dong and not, as Jason Tew suggested (yesterday’s Fiver letters) Mr Fangzhuo. Presumably he will now return his Letter o’ the Day prize” – Martyn Wilson.
“Sorry to disappoint, but I live in Wimbledon (on the site of the old Wimbledon ground, now flats), so I am probably not John Milce’s ex-colleague (yesterday’s Fiver letters)” – Steve Hibbert.
• Send your letters to the.boss@theguardian.com. And if you’ve nothing better to do you can also tweet the Fiver. Today’s winner of our letter o’the day is: Peter Worley, who wins a copy of the Scottish Highland Football League Diary 2014-15, courtesy of these good people.
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BITS AND BOBS
Chelsea have lodged an appeal against the £50,000 fine and suspended one-match ban given to José Mourinho. “I have decided to appeal... so it’s the moment to stop with my opinions and not say anything more,” whispered Mourinho.
The FA showed that it has its finger firmly on the pulse of world football by finally getting round to suspending its support for Michel Platini in the Fifa presidency race. “The FA board has concluded that it must suspend its support for Mr Platini’s candidate for the Fifa presidency” wibbled an official statement.
Uefa may yet throw its support behind Sheikh Salman bin Ebrahim al-Khalifa, the AFC president who is ready to throw his hat into the Fifa presidency ring, while Uefa general secretary Gianni Infantino said that “Uefa is going very, very well right now,” moments after leaving a Uefa crisis meeting.
Crystal Palace loanee Patrick Bamford may drop down the table in search of first-team opportunities by heading back to Chelsea in January. “It’s unfortunate for Patrick because he’s working hard … but he’s had a lot of competition” said Pardew, who has given more first-team minutes to Frazier Campbell so far this season.
Manchester City will consult with supporters over a possible redesign of the club’s badge, with Curly Watts wielding an inflatable banana said to be an early frontrunner.
And in oh-please-not-this-again news: Neymar’s father has confirmed that Manchester United tried to sign his son earlier this year. “Barcelona contacted us about the offer, saying they were not going to sell,” revealed Neymar Sr.
RECOMMENDED LISTENING
Football Weekly Presents: The Football Manager Guide to Football Management
STILL WANT MORE?
Not one, not two, not three, not four, not five, not six, not seven, not eight, not nine, but 10 things to look out for in the Premier League this weekend, courtesy of Michael Butler and Barry Glendenning.
Everton are so Spanish in style that they could out tiki-taka Barcelona while simultaneously taking a siesta, battling a bull and sipping a fine Rioja. Which is what Gerard Deulofeu (almost) tells Sid Lowe in this interview.
No prizes for guessing who wrote an article with “gegenpressing” in the headline. Here’s floating football brain in a jar Jonathan Wilson on how Jürgen Klopp’s high-pressing approach at Borussia Dortmund may translate at Liverpool.
You are the ref! Well, no, you’re not really, but why not pretend by tackling this week’s set of puzzlers, which features an eager substitute, a lingering winger and a panicking defender.
And with Northampton Town facing huge debts again, what does it mean for the club’s supporters’ trust? Richard Foster - via the Guardian Sport Network - investigates.
Oh, and if it’s your thing … you can follow Big Website on Big Social FaceSpace.
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