A devastating discovery while Roman Kemp was live on air drastically changed his life.
On that fateful day in August 2020, the Capital FM presenter noticed that his best pal Joe Lyons, a producer on the show, was not at work.
Roman sent a message at 6:05am saying, 'Let me know you're ok', believing his mate had just overslept.
The mood changed an hour later as the situation started to get worrying and another producer went to Joe’s house to check on him.
While still doing the show, the executive producer came in and told Roman, 'He’s in the house'.
Recalling the devastating moment in new BBC documentary Our Silent Emergency, Roman explains: "I knew. I said, 'Is he gone?' She said, 'yeah, he's gone.'
Explaining he lived just three minutes away from Joe, Roman adds: "It would have taken me three minutes to get there had I know something was happening. Three minutes away from me part of my world was completely ending."
Roman admits he finds it confusing that he spent every day with Joe and did not see any signs he was contemplating taking his own life.
They first met eight years ago, clicking straight away as Joe made Roman feels welcome in his new job and they spent almost every day together ever since.
The last time Roman saw Joe was on a sunny day on Clapham Common, one of the first days they were allowed out after the first lockdown.
"The reality is at this point he would have been struggling with something. And that’s what’s so scary - you can’t see it," says Roman.
"I had no idea he was struggling. It took all of our mates by surprise."
Roman says it's not a coincidence that the police found seven other men of Joe's age in the same situation on the day he was found.
While speaking to some of his other friends, they all admit they regret not having deeper chats with happy-go-lucky Joe.
While exploring why increasing numbers of young men are taking their own lives, Roman bravely opens up on his own suicidal thoughts.
In the documentary, Roman bravely explains he has been on antidepressants since he was 15.
"They help my mood massively. They make me feel normal. They stop me from worrying about things in my head. That worry takes over sometimes and that’s when it gets too much for me."
Roman was at his lowest a year before Joe died, with his suicidal thoughts partly fuelled by fear he had only found success on the radio because of his famous dad Martin Kemp.
He explains: "I was caught out in my brain on everything. How I looked, what I was doing wrong work-wise, 'Am I doing my job because of who my dad is? Am I being a good boyfriend?'.
"All these pressures just came on top of me. I remember being in the bedroom not knowing what to do.
"I went to the floor on my knees around my head and just crying, saying to myself, ‘What’s the point? Why am I carrying on?'"
In tears, Roman called his mum, former Wham! singer Shirlie Kemp, who got straight in the car and made sure his sister Harley stayed on the phone.
Shirlie has always made Roman talk to her abut his feelings and took him to the doctors when she thought he was suffering, where he was diagnosed with clinical depression.
"No parent wants to say my child is on anti-depressants. Maybe they feel guilty about even suggesting it."
While he’s always opened up to his mum, Roman had never previously explained how dark it really got.
"I just remember feeling it was too much in my head. I know it’s really hard for me to tell you this," he explains to his mum.
"That day I thought about going to the train station and jumping in front of a train. I’m sorry I never told you that."
To witness first-hand the scale of the nation’s mental health problem, Roman travels across the UK to meet teenage friendship groups who have been devastated by suicide, as well as frontline workers who respond to urgent mental health emergencies.
Roman goes to Nottingham, where the NHS have partnered with the police due to increasing demand to create a mental health emergency service.
Calls come in via 999 from strangers, concerned loved ones or people themselves in crisis - with the youngest caller they have spoken to being just 11-years-old.
Roman is shocked to discover that around 90% of the people the Nottingham team speak to who take their own lives are men.
"It is so intense. I’ve been here for four hours and there’s a 13-year-old boy missing, we’re hearing from a 31-year-old man, 16-year-old boy," he explains.
"There’s constantly someone they’re trying to rush to and help before it’s too late."
Roman also travels to Northern Ireland, which has the highest suicide rates in the UK, where teenagers and young adults are twice as likely to take their own life here than in England.
Over a third of people who have lost someone to suicide have thought about taking their own life - and Roman firmly believes that suicide and mental health is something that needs to be destigmatised to stop other people suffering needlessly in silence.
To better understand the stigma around getting help, Roman meets Fergus, a young man who attempted suicide.
During their chat, Roman explains that he still feels angry towards Joe for not speaking out.
"I felt so angry that he didn’t call me. He just decided that was it and didn’t feel the need to at least let me know. I felt angry that someone had to find him in that position," he admits.
Fergus explains that he didn’t want to die but felt it would be the only way he could get "peace", and was helped by adopting a puppy.
Roman confesses he found it quite cathartic speaking to Fergus because it stopped him feeling angry towards Joe.
He explains: "It makes the situation sadder but it takes away the anger part for sure and hopefully he can forgive me for feeling like that."
Roman also visits Joe's mum, who discuss the "creeping panic" of never being able to see her son or give him a hug again.
The presenter wanted to make the documentary for someone struggling, but midway through realises that he should be targeting everyone.
Roman decides to use his social media following to make immediate interventions with groups of friends, by encouraging them to check in on their mates.
"But now the onus has changed from someone having to talk about their own emotions to be the person who makes someone else talk because they need your help," he says.
They might be dying inside for someone to ask them how they are. Be that person."
*Roman Kemp: Our Silent Emergency airs on Tuesday on BBC One at 9pm
If you are struggling and need to talk, the Samaritans operates a free helpline open 24/7 on 116 123. Alternatively, you can email jo@samaritans.org if you'd prefer to write down your feelings or don't wish to be overheard
