Now this is old school showbiz. The kind which we thought we’d rid ourselves off. But no, here it is sub-Vegas razzamatazz. The vision of Rod Stewart on stage is to see a white and gold stage set-up, gold medallion, hairy chest, and dolly bird backing singers (all blonde, Rod’s favourite).
Stewart actually topped the bill at Glastonbury in 2002, and today he became the first artist to be both a headliner and also appear in the Legends slot on the festival’s Sunday afternoon. And he certainly delivered the promise of that slot, with a nostalgia-fest for the mums and dads, or grandmums and granddads, many of whom were here dressed in leopard print.
Given Stewart this week declared his appreciation for Nigel Farage, there was a sudden question of whether he might not be well received at this most left wing of festivals. That wasn’t an issue. If every there was a slot where politics can be put to one side, it’s this one, where it can be like giving your uncle the mic for an afternoon.
Rod did actually reference politics, saying attention should rightly be on the Middle East but then dedicated a cover of the O’Jays’ Love Train to the Ukraine. But mostly this was all unbuttoning your shirt and telling Dad jokes (When introducing his violist: “at the weekends, she’s always on the fiddle.”
This was a strange set. For all the singalong moments - The First Cut Is The Deepest an early highlight - the covers and interminable interludes made things a difficult slog for a large crowd wilting in the sun. At one point, while Rod was off changing into a hot pink suit, his backing singers did a cover of Lady Marmalade, which seemed to last several solstices.
Da Ya Think I’m Sexy? came along and many millions of women in short skirts danced around Rod, a man in his element. To be fair to him, his voice still sounds good and this is him: a footie-loving, bird-chasing, bloke who can lay his heart out on record when the occasion takes him.
He invited Michael Eavis on for a cuddle, which was a nice moment
But then he invited on Mick Hucknall.
This was like a nightmare I had once.
I mean, as if this could get even cheesier. You never see Hucknall these days, for good reasons. But this guy with a gravelly voice and love for the ladies, and the two men certainly looked like kindred spirits from the good old days when they duetted on Simply Red’s If You Don’t Know Me By Now, with the raunchy sax weaving between their groins.
Ronnie Wood also made an appearance, which was a lot more welcome. They had a nice run through of The Faces’ Stay With Me, with Wood bringing a bit of grit to the sound.
Rod mentioned the time a lot, frustrated that they only had an hour and a half to cram everything in. But an hour and a half was plenty, thanks. It was a show that will last in the memory far longer, as an endurance contest that many of us made it through, dazzled by the white and the gold, the sequins, and that punishing sun.
Look, the job here was to have a big daft moment in the sun, and this showman certainly delivered that. Lulu came on to sing Hot Legs with him - well, what can you say? The guy likes legs. Mine are sunburnt - and then closed it all off with Sailing, where him and the band donned boat caps. Cheese? Until you’ve seen this, you don’t know the meaning of the word.
