Name: Your street.
Age: Don’t be silly. It depends whether we’re talking about Watling Street, Downing Street or a new estate in Peterborough.
Appearance: Ditto, but probably a bit grim – except in London.
I have no idea what you’re talking about. A new survey suggests that having the word “street” in your address means you live in a – how shall I put this? – less desirable neighbourhood.
Less desirable than what? Lanes, ways, roads, closes, avenues, boulevards, crescents, drives, anything really. Streets are, not to put too fine a point on it, the pits.
Who says? Property specialist Hometrack, whose new report finds that the average price of a house in a lane in the UK is £245,906, while a house in a street commands just £142,374.
How interesting. I suppose it is the silly season. Ways weigh in at £218,742, roads £212,717, closes £204,964, avenues £192,344 and drives a disappointing £191,675.
Why disappointing? I live in a drive.
Boulevards? No need to be like that.
You didn’t see this story in the house-price-obsessed Daily Mail, did you? No comment. By the way, I haven’t mentioned regional variations.
You mean there’s more of this guff? In London, streets don’t seem to have the same stigma: a house in a street costs an average of £566,406, while one in a lane is a mere £414,122. Closes do better in Scotland, and roads are the most expensive, relatively speaking, in Northern Ireland.
This is a load of old boulevards. Do you think any of the millions of people trying to get a home, any sort of home, in Britain care about this? Lanes, ways, crescents, avenues ... they’re desperate to live anywhere. Look at those prices for properties in London. Think about where that leaves the average first-time buyer, rather than this nonsense about ways and streets! You don’t work for Shelter, do you?
Not to be confused with: Journalism.
Do mention: The organisation that sponsored the research, Barclays Mortgages, which is keen to point out how “incredibly buoyant” the housing market is.
Don’t mention: The fact that “incredibly buoyant” means prices are becoming ever-more outrageous, regardless of whether you live in Penny Lane, Baker Street, Electric Avenue or Devil Gate Drive.
