Home is…
North West London.
Where was your first flat in London?
I grew up in Wembley, but my first flat was in Old Kent Road.
What was your first job in London?
I worked at the Foot Locker, but before that, I worked in a dodgy telemarketing centre that got teenagers in for below minimum wage to try and get old people to accept this “holiday” they just “won.” We were stoned for most of it.
Which London shops/outlets do you rely on?
Daunt Books is good. My wife's a novelist, so she can't walk past the bookshop without going in. Then two cafés: Shreeji Newsagents, which is a café opposite Chiltern Firehouse, and Foreign News Exchange in Bayswater, because Bayswater is where all the money used to be changed. It's a short walk just off the Lancaster Gate side of Hyde Park.
What’s the best meal you’ve had in London?
I really like South East Asian food. So, Champor-Champor in London Bridge, there’s an amazing coconut monkfish curry situation. I know there’s a big controversy about Tayyabs versus Needoo, but I just refuse to choose. I want to shout them both out and try and broker a peace treaty. The mixed grill at Tayyabs is very special, but there’s lots of things on the Needoos menu that I’m into as well. Big Asma Khan fan as well, whenever I’m showing people around London I take them there [to Darjeeling Express]. I like that she’s serving up a thali now, where you get a mixture of little dishes. I also had really good sushi above the Japan Centre recently! And Park Chinois, I know it’s posh, but it’s a Halal Chinese, it’s like a really posh version of a takeaway.
Where in London would you recommend for a first date?
Bookslam, do they still do that? It was in West London, they used to have it down at Neighbourhood on Acklam Road and at the Clapham Grand. It was a book reading, a new artist, a poetry reading and a sit down dinner. It was really good. I think they still do it.
Where would you most like to be buried in London?
I'm not gonna say where it is, but I'm a Londoner who's got generations of family here, and we're all buried in the same cemetery. We lost a family member very recently. And there's something very kind of bittersweet and moving about the fact that you're burying one relative here and three plots over you've got your aunt, and over there you've got your uncle, there's your granddad, and there's your cousin. So I’d like to be buried there.
If you could buy any building in London and live there which would it be?
Would it be crazy to say the whole of Trellick Tower? That would be ridiculous. I love the view there. I love West London, I've grown up there. But I wouldn't have the whole of Trellick Tower… maybe just a corner of it.
What would you do if you were Mayor of London for the day?
If I was mayor of London for the day, I would put through a law that allows Londoners from all different walks of life to be directly responsible for passing our laws in a kind of People's Assembly, for people feeling a bit disconnected from the democratic process. On a less serious note, I’d like to force all of London to have a nap. Londoners are always on the go. I think we need just a little, tiny nap just after lunch.
What makes someone a Londoner?
Complaining about London.
What’s the best thing a London cabbie has ever said to you?
When they just randomly start offering you kind of life advice. You know, when you get into a deep and meaningful on a long late, cab journey.
Where in London do you go to let your hair down?
Honestly, I just love walking. I love getting lost in the Heath. It feels really special to be so deep in nature and to be like so close to the city as well.
Who do you call when you want to have fun in London?
My school friends! I’m seeing them tonight actually. Shout out Ryan, Raj and Hitesh.
What's your biggest extravagance?
Cabs and takeaways. My most ordered takeaway is East West Pizza in Tuffnell Park, which is Indian pizza place. They’ve got quite a large delivery radius so they still turn up on the apps even if you live miles away. Those are some active drivers.
What’s your London secret?
There was a Russian T-34 Soviet tank parked on scrubland randomly off the Old Kent Road for years. It was called Stompy. Stompy the military tank, and the story behind it is a local property developer wanted to put a block of flats on that scrubland. The council said, “No.” So he said, “Will you give me permission to put a tank there?” And they must have thought, “It must be a temporary thing for a water tank.” But he got revenge on the council by putting a Soviet tank on the scrubland that no one could afford to move. And so different graffiti artists came every couple of months, and they totally did over the tank in different styles. [Editor’s note: Stompy the tank was relocated for restoration purposes in 2022. It is unknown if it will ever return to its former home in Mandela Way, Bermondsey.]
What are you up to at the moment for work?
Right now, I'm promoting Relay, which is this awesome new old school, cat and mouse, edge of your seat thriller directed by David McKenzie, who did Hell or High Water and Starred Up. It's with me and Lily James, and it is a lot of fun. I remember when I read the script, I had a newborn baby, and I wasn't supposed to be taking on work. I showed it to my wife. She read it and she was like, “This is so annoying.” I said, “Why?” She said, “Because you have to do this.”
