To the Sun, finally, where columnist Kelvin MacKenzie has been in receipt of a round robin text message from Richard Keys, who joined TalkSport following his ousting from Sky. Kelvin is above all one of life's carers, and I've no doubt that it is in this spirit he has reproduced Richard's missive in full. "Thank you – all of you – who helped me and Andy [Gray] build from some very dark places these past few months," it begins. "You've been fantastic. To those who know me well and are concerned about what may bite you going forward – be sure it will – from the brothers of airline pilots to those of you who placed unusual bets on the last day of the season and have had a fairly easy ride despite indiscretions in Vegas."
Well! I haven't heard anything so amusingly portentous since the Queen apparently spent several hours telling Paul Burrell that "there are powers at work in this country about which we have no knowledge". So if anyone has an email address for Richard, perhaps they could get in touch and let him know that his phone has been stolen by someone now using it to disseminate hilariously fatuous threats. It is surely the last thing he needs after the year he's had.
