The funniest standup I’ve ever seen
My answer changes every five minutes. Eddie Izzard on his Definite Article tour. Richard Pryor. Paul Foot in full flow. Or newcomer Calum Stewart, 19, from Port Talbot, who this week told me he felt he’d left it a bit late starting standup.
The funniest sketch I’ve ever seen
Either Victoria Wood appearing in a doorway in a slightly too tight pair of trousers, or We Are Klang back at the fringe when Greg Davies, Steve Hall, Marek Larwood and I were starting out.
The funniest heckle I’ve ever had
“Will you be long?” from a lady in Warrington.
The funniest meal I’ve ever eaten
A baked potato with a shelving bracket in it. I took it back to the counter to complain; the manager denied it was his. Behind him was a shelf; sloping on one side.
The funniest hairstyle I’ve ever had
A Titian-blond mohican in secondary school, with pencil-thin moustache accessory.
The funniest dream I’ve ever had
I constantly have dreams where I am storming it on stage. I wake up, can’t remember any of the material and return to the harsh reality of my life.
The funniest number
I don’t find any numbers funny. Although when a 3 falls over backwards and ends up looking like a pair of breasts, bum or plums … comedy gold. And when a 7 falls over forwards and ends up looking like the second half of a ramp in a skateboard park, I lose my mind.
The funniest word
I think “bum” is still pretty good, actually. I found it funny as a kid, but I think it’s timeless. It captures the absurdity of life, of language, and of bums.
The funniest joke I’ve ever heard
Mrs Merton’s “So what attracted you to the millionaire Paul Daniels?” line was pretty nifty. RIP, and thanks, Caroline Aherne.
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