The Republican Party was seriously wounded Thursday night by an orange-hued heathen who, after months of battering conservatives with divisive, xenophobic and often nonsensical rhetoric, dropped the once-proud party of Lincoln to its knees by accepting its nomination for president.
It remains unclear whether the GOP will recover, but is said to be under sedation and planning to spend more time with family.
Before delivering his final blow in a prime-time acceptance speech at the GOP national convention, real estate mogul and master egotist Donald J. Trump derailed any hope the Republican Party had of broadening its appeal to a wider base of American voters. Trump's co-conspirators, who remain on the loose, have been identified as "millions of predominantly white voters who feel left behind in a demographically changing America."
Trump's initial assault on the party came about a year ago when he announced a bid for the presidency by describing Mexican immigrants as rapists and drug dealers, sucker-punching the GOP's hopes of winning over Latino voters. That anti-immigrant stance grew into the promise of "a big, beautiful wall" along the U.S.-Mexico border, one that would be paid for by Mexico via Trump's self-proclaimed negotiation skills and sheer toughness.
Proof of those negotiation skills and toughness could not be independently confirmed, and Mexican officials have repeatedly denied a willingness to pay for any such wall.
Few in the Republican Party considered Trump a threat, writing off his initial attack as a publicity stunt by a reality show fabulist. But with promises to ban Muslims from entering the country and speeches painting America as a dystopian place ruined by "others," the billionaire's aggrieved posse grew.
In May, with the GOP nomination all but clinched, Trump's campaign was described by The New York Times as "a hostile takeover of one of America's two major political parties." The paper noted that some party leaders feared "a historic cleaving between the familiar form of conservatism forged in the 1960s and popularized in the 1980s and a rekindled, atavistic nationalism, with roots as old as the republic, that has not flared up so intensely since the original America First movement before Pearl Harbor."
Seemingly stunned by those initial blows and unable to escape the clutches of Trump's notably small hands, the party relented, eventually inviting the enemy into its den: this week's Republican National Convention.
As Trump and his minions held GOP stalwarts like Republican National Committee Chairman Reince Priebus and House Speaker Paul Ryan hostage _ their fear visible in televised speeches possibly delivered under duress _ witnesses reported baffling scenes of disorganization and ineptitude.
An underwear model, Antonio Sabato, took the stage then later told reporters he is convinced President Barack Obama is a Muslim. Neither Sabato nor his underwear could be reached for comment.
Trump's wife, Melania, delivered a speech that contained plagiarized passages. Former presidential candidate Ben Carson linked presumptive Democratic presidential nominee Hillary Clinton to Satan, prompting Underworld officials to demand an immediate apology.
Speakers routinely tossed red meat to bloodthirsty audience members who, according to observers, were not allowed to bring their sense of decency into Quicken Loans Arena. Delegates lustily booed any mention of presumptive Democratic presidential nominee Hillary Clinton and chants of "Lock her up!" shook the floor, giving viewers of the televised event a rare look at the destruction of a once-great party.
Before delivering his most injurious blow and accepting the nomination, Trump seemed to mock the party he had hijacked by creating an international incident that revealed his slim qualifications for the presidency.
In a New York Times interview, Trump said he would not necessarily send U.S. forces to assist fellow NATO members who come under attack. That statement caused numerous foreign policy experts to nearly choke on their breakfast scones and led NATO officials to release a statement assuring that solidarity is key to the military alliance's success.
Trump's opponent, Clinton, could not be reached for comment because she was busy laughing hysterically and picking out drapes for the Oval Office.
Having embarrassed the GOP sufficiently and cast out its elders _ the Bush family, the Romney family and enough veteran members of Congress to fill a separate convention schedule _ Trump took the stage Thursday night.
He painted a bleak picture of an America with crumbling infrastructure, airports in "Third World conditions" and surging crime. Earlier in the day his campaign spokesman pushed back on the fact that crime statistics in America are actually at historic lows, presumably because math is hard.
After sufficiently terrifying all Americans, Trump said: "Nobody knows the system better than me, which is why I alone can fix it." No evidence to support that assurance was provided.
Wrapping up his speech with a con man's swagger, Trump punched the Republican Party and knocked out its last bit of relevancy.
Investigators say Trump and his followers may one day be held responsible, but not until after Nov. 8.
ABOUT THE WRITER
Rex Huppke is a columnist for the Chicago Tribune. Readers may email him at rhuppke@chicagotribune.com.
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