ABOUT 500 WORDS
Has the pandemic and the lack of social contact for long periods led to the death of that great human institution, the small talk? You know, where you meet someone for the first time and ask him if he is fine, complain about the weather and discuss the previous week’s results in football or on reality TV?
I suspect it has, if recent experiences are any indication. I met an old friend for the first time in two years, and punched fists in the approved manner. But just as the conversational floodgates were about to be thrown open we realised that with so much material bubbling inside us, we had nothing to say. Having exchanged a couple of “You OKs?” and “All wells”, we didn’t know how to proceed.
Days later, I was at a small gathering where no one knew what to say or how to say it. Then someone burst out with a question that sucked all potential conversation out of the room.
“Is it true that your wife is having an affair?”
As a conversation opener it stinks, but as a conversation stopper it is in the highest class. But here, suddenly no one was interested in anything else. The most important thing to know was the story of the poor man’s love life.
The question wasn’t asked maliciously or in a spirit of let-me-enjoy-your-misfortune. There was something innocent about it. The questioner had a doubt and he wanted to clear it up with the person most likely to have the answer.
There was a moment of stunned silence. Then an embarrassed gathering all began to speak simultaneously to cover their confusion. Small talk became the rage. People not only wanted to know the football scores, they wanted to know what others thought of someone’s new car. The host even suggested we break for dinner although it was early in the day.
The gift for banal conversation had returned with a bang. Small talk had reconquered us. People who till then were hemming and hawing and shuffling their feet not knowing what to say were now in animated conversation. The man of whom the question was asked turned a bright red and seemed to have swallowed his tongue.
The funny thing is, he didn’t have an answer to the question, or if he did, no one heard it or remembered what it was. The question had acted like a clog remover in a sink — you know, one of those coloured, gurgling liquids that sluice through and clear blockages — and freed conversations that had been stuck at ‘Hello’ or ‘Good evening’ and with no idea how to go further.
So, if your party looks like it is about to keel over and die for lack of small talk, remember that question. Or say to no one in particular, but loudly enough for all to hear, “Is it true that you have been caught embezzling funds?” That should get the party going. And bring home the importance of small talk.
(Suresh Menon is Contributing Editor, The Hindu)
