When you start to wonder if an unscheduled stop at A and E on the way home might be needed, to sew up your nine-year-old son’s split sides, you know this year’s big Manchester panto is going to be an uproarious success.
Craig Revel Horwood sashayed into town this year as the deliciously wicked Queen Lucretia, lusting after straight-laced Prince Harry (Joshua St Clair) and plotting against our candy-sweet heroine, played by Zoe George.
But, as it should be, the show is stolen by the brilliant Ben Nickless as Muddles. The Rochdale lad was named Best Panto comic for his role in Cinderella at the Opera House last year, and he has already set the standard for the this year.
And with Eric Potts harrumphing it up as Dame Nora Crumble, the laughs are ceaseless, and cover the gamut for any kid – willy jokes, poo gags, a little bit of satire (including appearances by Donald Trump and Boris Johnson’s talking backside), all careering anarchically over the line between political correctness and old-fashioned fun.
The Magnificent Seven dwarves, who deserve a medal for putting their knees at risk in service to the panto art, have a definite Mancunian slant, despite living in the heart of the Forbidden Forest.
The obligatory centrepiece is the appearance of the smoke-breathing dragon, looking a little tatty these days as it swings out over the audience, bringing gasps to older kids and no little terror to those of fainter dispositions.
The appearance of Lucretia’s alter ego, the old hag who tricks Snow White to eat the poisoned apple, might also be a bit much to sensitive younger kids.
But Revel Horwood is more camp than cruel, and his/her banter with Muddles and Dame Crumble are a highlight of a ceaseless cavalcade of mirth.
And the Strictly judge builds up to a startling rendition of 'My Way', which shows he has a half-decent voice as well as twinkling feet and a wicked tongue.
A hilariously chaotic re-writing of The Twelve Days of Christmas had us all rolling in the aisles, even the miserable dads.
Swipe through the images here to see more from the pantomime
It is a proven formula, but quite beautifully executed, with Snow White and Prince Harry simply providing the saccharine backdrop to the riotous hilarity of the comic capers.
And with the kids from Sale’s Stalder Academy of Dance joining in the frolics, you leave with a warm glow – and those aching sides.
If there has ever been a better panto, I missed it.
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