Summarizing the quality of "Godzilla: King of the Monsters" is simple: This "Godzilla" is god awful.
This latest big-screen tale of Godzilla features writing that has more holes than a 90-year-old pair of socks, acting that ranges from comedic to sad and a look that is so dark it is like trying to watch the quick-cut editing style of a Michael Bay "Transformers" movie shot using a 15-watt light bulb as illumination.
What painfully tries to pass as the story is the efforts of the crypto-zoological agency Monarch to deal with a bevy of new creatures � including Mothra, Rodan and the three-headed King Ghidorah _ who have awakened. The start of the total annihilation of the human population means only Godzilla can save the day. And that leads to an endless stream of giant creatures battling on the land, in the sea and in the air.
The fights are probably interesting but there's not a single showdown that doesn't take place either at night, under a cloud of volcanic ash or in a rainstorm so intense there should be people building an ark. This super dark way of shooting helps hide the special effects flaws but it also makes it impossible to know which creature is winning. At least in "Kong: Skull Island" there were enough scenes in the bright sunlight to be able to get a look at the great ape.
There's no way to discuss the logic that sets events in motion because the explanation in the movie makes no sense. There are some good people working with bad people to do good things, but they might be bad and so the good people aren't sure if they really are good or just being bad. It's not surprising that the plot is so full of plot holes because every moment is either an illogical leap or a complete disregard for the laws of physics.
Granted, this is a monster movie and certain leeway has to be given. That was a lot easier when the Godzilla franchise launched in the mid '50s. The franchise didn't become popular because it took the world of a giant lizard seriously but because the projects were so camp. The approach was so outlandish, anything was acceptable.
The new Godzilla movies are treated so seriously it is as if they are contending for Oscars and that means there is far less room for moments that are just obviously idiotic beyond measure. Note that there is a spoiler coming so skip the next paragraph if you are still under the delusion of wanting to see this movie.
To help an injured Godzilla, a submarine crew finds his secret underwater lair. It is so hot from lava and radiation, the vessel can't get close enough to set off the nuclear bomb that will recharge Godzilla. But a one-man sub can reach Godzilla and the pilot can walk to just under the nose of Godzilla to set off the bomb. Either the person should have died from exposure long before the trip or the blast � set off 10-feet from Godzilla's snout � should have turned Godzilla into lizard soup. This is just one example of endless dumb moments in the hackneyed script.
As if that weren't enough, even more aggravating is that director Michael Dougherty tries to tie this movie to the 2014 feature "Godzilla" by tricking the audience into thinking the central characters in the new film were a big part of that effort. The 2014 film focused on the characters played by Aaron-Taylor Johnson and Elizabeth Olsen but the actors (a smart move on their part) are nowhere to be found in this film.
Dougherty expects audiences to accept that the family drama at the core of "King of the Monsters" surrounding the characters played by Kyle Chandler and Vera Farmiga were the link. The only connection is a 90-second scene at the beginning. The script by Dougherty and Zach Shields takes off as if the history of these players had been established before when in reality they are never established in any form. That means when major decisions are made by this couple (REALLY major decisions), there's no framework to understand the actions other than a tragedy in their life.
Chandler and Farmiga do their best but both are faced with being locked in a melodrama with nowhere to go but down. The good news is the film is so dark, most of their performances can't be seen.
The only good thing that can be said is that "Godzilla: King of the Monsters" has accomplished the impossible. It makes all of those cheesy productions of the '50s and '60s look like science fiction masterpieces.
