Finally, the return of Celebrity Big Brother on Richard Desmond's Channel 5, heavily puffed in the Desmond-owned Daily Star. "It'll be like Christmas that lasts three months!" offered Big Brother's Little Brother co-host Emma Willis, perhaps inadvertently conjuring the image of an event so unspeakably ghastly most right-thinking people would emigrate to avoid it.
"Ruby The Heart Stealer Tops An Amazing Telly Line-up" screamed the headline above a story claiming that the 18-year-old habitué of Silvio Berlusconi's "bunga bunga" parties is being lined up for the series, alongside Charlie Sheen, Mohamed Al Fayed, Peaches Geldof, two women off The Only Way is Essex and disgraced football pundit Andy Gray. LiS is certain that this is an entirely accurate reflection of the kind of celebrity that's going to rock up on a Channel 5 reality show and in no way just a random list of people currently in the news. It's totally not going to end up making do with Bernie Clifton, Toyah Wilcox, a bloke from a minor indie band, a woman off Hollyoaks, and the guy who used to play Mr Bennett in Take Hart.
