We love spicy food, we love to dance, we love drama, and we love to brag about our culture. But there is something strange that we love equally — it, worryingly, is the habit of interfering in the lives of others.
My grandmother once told me a story about her dying neighbour whose last words before her final twitch were, “Mercy, does your husband still drink”? It is a classic case of lives of others outweighing one’s own life and existence. Strangely, it happens even now with an unsettling regularity.
Respecting personal space is an art that does not require talent or higher education; instead, all that you need are respect for others and common sense. Sadly, it is an art that people seldom care about.
Being a scientist, I often find the human psychology of certain souls much more baffling and intricate than xenoarchaeology. No one has a definitive answer on the evolutionary purpose of this meddling behaviour, but it is surely not a progressive evolutionary trait.
The urge to intrude in the life of everyone is so strong that one forgets the purpose of one’s own life. Some wrongly describe this curiosity to get involved in the life of others as care, compassion, and empathy. Whatever you call it, nothing is an excuse to poke your nose into the lives of others.
“Why does your baby look so dark?” “Take a turmeric bath to look white.” “Why does your child have a delay in speech? Maybe, your child has some physical issues?” “Oh no, your child still has trouble with maths! My children excelled in the multiplication of the trillionth number at their age. Is your child, okay?” This is what parents face. Once the children grow up, a set of bullets get fired at them on job, marriage, procreation, and what not. Days before they graduate, they are asked: “Oh, poor you, still jobless?”
While doing my Ph.D. in nanophysics at a prestigious university abroad, I was once asked by a well-rounded fellow in my family, “Are you still jobless? Why don’t you try to find a 9-5 job?”
I tried explaining to him that I was doing research and following my passion. But he gave me a smirk and replied: “Eww, what passion, man? Get a job, get married, have kids, darling.” My inner peace said, “Don’t respond.”
Once we get a job, then the so-called well-wishers start to find a partner for us and get involved in our lives again. “Why are you not yet married? You are growing older. Buckle up and find a partner.”
The fun part is that even people with broken marriages try to convince us that marriage is all that we need to lead a happy life. They force us to marry as if the world will be in chaos otherwise. The definition of happiness for some does puzzle me. Who are we to tell one to get married? Who gives us the right to be the wedding planner of every random stranger we see on the road?
And after marriage, what else should be discussed? Yes, children. The very next morning after your wedding, these folks come up with this hot topic. I believe that partners mature enough to find each other know whether or not, and when, to have a baby. They don’t need you to tell them what you want.
Why are you still without a baby? A question hurled at my partner and I since we married. We are having the happiest time of our life together. But sadly, who cares if you are happy or not? They comment on your life as if the whole existence of the universe depends on your decision to have children. But is it not the couple who should decide to have children? Why do we let them fall under peer pressure for society to be happy? So, always ask yourself, “Are we living in their shoes?”
What if the parents are happy with the progress of their children, what if a grown-up does not want to do a traditional regular job, what if one does not want to get married, what if they have other plans in their life, and why the life of everyone should look the same?
Let us not assume and conclude that everyone should take the same road. Some may want a different life and have different plans for their lives. You never know. Who are we to judge them and live for them? Are we the ones who are living their lives? The answer is no, a big bold no. So, stop convincing others that we are the best decision-makers for their life. The world will be better if we let others live their own life. Instead of pursuing them to do what you want, why don’t you design your own life? Give suggestions only if asked. Otherwise, it is better to control your instinct to be involved in the lives of others.
cheeraadas@gmail.com
