We’re negotiating all the time – at work, at home, with our neighbours – so it’s a vital skill to master. Often, we can get great results where everyone is happy with the outcome. However, there are some situations where the other person won’t budge from their position.
So, how do we negotiate with such people? How can we still achieve our desired outcome even when they don’t seem willing to compromise? Here are five tips that should help in most situations.
1. Ask why?
The most common mistake people make in negotiations is that they see it as an arm-wrestle where you must be tougher than the other person – the classic haggle. They start off by saying “I won’t pay any more than £1,000 for that car”, and then they never budge an inch.
Most people think this is good negotiation and, unfortunately, they are wrong.
Instead, we want to approach the negotiation as a problem-solving process – where the problem to be solved is that you each have desired outcomes and limitations. Can you solve the equation so both parties get their desired outcome despite the constraints?
And the answer is always yes if you focus on the real reasons behind the request. Why won’t they pay more than £1,000? Maybe they don’t have the cash, and they won’t until they get paid at the end of the month. In this case, they can pay in two instalments.
And if there’s another knottier problem? Again, explore the reasons behind the requests, yours as well as theirs, until you find a solution. In strategy, they say to ask the question ‘why?’ five times. You may not have to go that far, but exploring the real nature of the problem, and digging out any unexpressed underlying issues, will help you solve even the most seemingly entrenched situations.
2. Be creative
If the best negotiators view the process as a problem-solving one, we may need to be creative to find that solution.
Sometimes the situations are difficult to resolve, but the more creative you are, the more likely you will find a solution that suits both parties.
A crucial part of this is to identify multiple negotiables. Nine times out of ten, the negotiation is about one thing and one thing only: money. In this instance, it’s impossible to find a win-win outcome because any penny you get is at their expense, any penny they get is at yours. It has been set up as a fight.
So what do we do? Identify more variables. Don’t fixate on the money. Consider scope, quality, delivery terms, payment terms; there’s an infinite number of things that you could include in the negotiation – limited only by your imagination.
Now you have options for a solution that suits everyone: they can have the car for £1,000, but you’ll have to swap out the go-faster whitewall tyres, or if they give you their old car for parts, or they talk about it on their 1 million viewer TikTok channel.
You get the point, be creative!
3. Go first
I’m going to break this gently: maybe you are the problem. Sure, they’re playing tough, but perhaps that’s because they think you’re playing tough too. We think we’re angels, but they don’t necessarily see it that way. There is a simple rule of human behaviour: however you want them to behave, you have to go first.
If you want them to listen to you, if you want them to be willing to change their mind, if you want them to help you get your outcome, you can’t expect them to do this unless you go first and listen to them, be willing to change your mind and help them get their outcome.
4. Be demonstrably fair
“But I am being fair!” I hear you, and perhaps you are. But they think they are too, so you must go one step further in your objectivity.
In other words, find an independent benchmark you can agree on or bring in a neutral third party to advise.
This removes it from the subjective and places it firmly in the realm of the objective, and then everyone can agree that the outcome is fair.
5. Be willing to walk away
We all know from the marketplace that as soon as you start to walk away, their price comes down. It’s a tactic that frequently works, so you should be willing to use it.
But: don’t use it as a trick. Only use it if walking away leaves you in a better place. In other words, don’t walk away because your ego is offended. But if you have a strong alternative lined up, you’ll still be in a good position if the other party isn’t willing to strike a deal.
Join Simon for his upcoming masterclass, How to lead successful negotiations, taking place online on Tuesday 25 and Wednesday 26 April 2023.
