“An end of season waste of space,” says Paul Scholes, and that’s about the size of it. Anyway, thanks all for your comments and company - bye.
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So, Ireland will proceed confidently enough to next weekend, when Scotland visit; England will probably win in Slovenia, then achieve nothing whatsoever next summer, again. What larks, dear old Pip, dear old chap.
Well, that was an exceedingly avant-garde interpretation of what constitutes a football match, entirely and amazingly devoid of skill, class, wit, imagination, excitement, quality and pleasure. Ireland weren’t too bad, especially in the first half, while England were hideous throughout - you may be familiar with the trope.
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Full-time: Ireland 0-0 England
That is one of the worst games of football - one of the worst things - upon which I have ever clapped eyes.
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90+3 min Apologies: a full 90 minutes of Ireland-England, and no mention of Kevin Sheedy. By way of atonement:
90+2 min Smalling plays square to Jagielka, just outside the England box. It’s not an ideal ball, but the slipping that ensues is entirely unnecessary - he’s lucky that it’s Walters in pursuit and not the quicker Long. So Walter blunders through him, and cedes a free-kick.
90+1 min Jagielka plays a backpass to Hart, he reaches it before Long, this constitutes axtion.
90 min There shall be three added minutes of nothing much happening.
90 min Ireland win a throw deep inside their own half, and the crowd roar to inspire a final effort. They’ve played well enough, such as they’ve been asked to by England, and if they can show the same solidity against Scotland, have a decent chance in the game.
89 min Huffing and puffing.
87 min One thing that England might contemplate is finding an attacking coach. Roy Hodgson and Ray Lewington’s teams tend to be defensive, and Gary Neville was a defender. Perhaps a specialist coach could help with the movement and combinations that are so conspicuous by their absence most of the time that England play.
86 min Ireland have found it harder to create pressure in the second half, which I suppose could mean that England have improved - but, on the other hand, a million times zero is still zero.
84 min Back to the Barkley question, I guess Oxlade-Chamberlain can play the attacking midfield role. He really will be a player, if only he can stay fit - not many able to beat men at pace in the centre of the pitch.
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83 min Walcott comes on for Lallana. Quite why Hodgson’s waited until now, I’ve no idea.
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82 min More pressure from England, Townsend cutting in on his left foot and drilling a low shot that Given dives to clang away. Again, Ireland can’t clear, and this time - when the ball reaches him again - Townsend goes outside, standing up a cross that Henderson can’t quite reach.
81 min “As an Everton fan I’ve seen little from Barkley this year that would make him first choice in an England team,” emails Duncan Smith. “That isn’t to jump on the Barkley-berating bandwagon, he’s just not ready yet. Surely we have more complete and ready players for the middle?”
I agree, he’s not progressed as hoped, but the team I suggested was as good as I could think of with everyone in-form. I’m not sure who else could play that role.
79 min Jamie Vardy runs the inside-right channel and earns England a corner, swung in by Townsend. It’s a dangerous one, too, towards the far post, and only half-cleared. So England keep up what I suppose constitutes pressure in the context, Milner curving over a cross that Smalling reaches, but pressure from McShane means he can only head into the ground.
77 min “What exactly is the point of Adam Lallana?” asks Jeinsen Lam.
He’s got decent change of pace and vision, and also knows how to finish. But he’s not a winger in a 4-3-3, I don’t think, and he’s also a bit shy of confidence.
75 min Party time: Jamie Vardy replaces Wayne Rooney, and what a sentence that is. Phil Jagielka is also on, for Gary Cahill.
74 min Ater catches Barkley dallying in possession, 40 yards out, bustling through him and towards goal. Looking up to see space at Hart’s far post, he tries a cross shot, but snatches at it and the ball drags wide.
72 min Townsend has made some sort of difference for England, showing for the ball earlier than Sterling. But that’s about it.
70 min McShane comes on for O’Shea.
67 min Better from England, Henderson finding Milner who feeds Townsend, pacing down the right. His cross is excellent, Coleman forced to head away, and when Henderson’s first to the loose ball just outside the box, Barkley has a shooting opportunity - but it’s with his first touch, and he swivels on his left foot to bang a shot just over the top.
66 min Double change for England: Townsend on for Sterling, Barkley on for Wilshere. Kind of a shame, really - it’d be nice to see that second pair play together.
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65 min Smalling glides forwards and slips a ball left for Milner. Immediately, he transfers into Sterling, who shoves outside of Brady and, er, anticipates contact, leaping over the leg that isn’t there. The referee suggests he get up.
64 min Still no changes for England; I’m confused.
63 min Another change for Ireland: Arter, Bournemouth’s fans’ player of the year, replaces Whelan.
62 min McClean, who’s made a difference, skips inside Jones and rolls a square pass into the path of Walters, advancing just outside the box. He clatters his shot well enough, but straight at Hart, who beats away - hard enough to prevent McGeady following up.
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60 min Slightly better from England. Lallana flicks wide to Sterling, who uses his left instep to measure a superb cross for Rooney at the far post. In theory, the decision to nod back across goal makes sense - but there’s no one arriving, so he ought to have gone for goal. And then a change - Westwood off, Given on.
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59 min “So how many end of season or club friendlies have intensity and intention?” responds Nick. I’m not entirely familiar with the genre, but both teams have a serious game next week, and players who want to win places. I’m not sure how England’s nonsense is defensible; explicable, perhaps, defensible, not.
57 min O’Shea bumps through Sterling, 25 yards out and left of centre - he’s not at all impressed with the award of a free-kick. Rooney appears to take it, clipping over the wall and towards the near post, but with nowhere near enough power to mither Westwood, who dances right to claim.
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56 min Walters replaces Murphy.
54 min James McClean, wide left, humps a shot of sorts from 40 or so yards out - Hart dashes back to his line as the ball flies only just over the bar.
52 min England pass the ball to each other; really! Sterling, on the left edge of the box, square to Henderson, who drives low and hard with his instep, but O’Shea blocks, though only as far as Sterling. He picks his way inside his man, and flights a shot aimed for the far stanchion, but it’s further wide than seemed likely when he shot.
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51 min Again, Ireland win a free-kick on the right, and again, Brady chwips in a brute. Hart, realising he’s got to play it, hurls himself to the foot of his near post, chesting it behind - the corner comes to nowt.
49 min Och and vey. Wilson’s dallies and is robbed in possession by Henderson, charging from inside to out. He does superbly to twist onto a square ball, clipping into the path of Rooney - dead centre, and with no one between him and goal. But one first touch of a chair leg later has the crowd chortling into their Bovrils.
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48 min I always think of Phil Jones as the new Wes Brown,” reckons David Flynn. “Adaptable and dependable when any of your first choice back four is out for a game or two. There’s worse things to be. The new Silvestre for example.”
Brown was a lot more composed - and, when he broke through, really good on the ball. The injuries robbed him of the confidence to carry on with that kind of thing, but even so, his performance in the European Cup semi-final second leg in 2008 is at least the equal of anything Ferdinand and Vidic ever produced.
46 min Here we go again, the away end belting out the national anthem as a football song, to much jeering and whistling. To divert you from the current fare, here’s Pathe footage of the last time England won in Ireland.
Two changes for Ireland: McClean and Long on for McCarthy and McGoldrick.
“How can you talk about ice cream in Ljubljana and not mention Cacao?” asks Jim in Baghdad. “Down by the river and next to three bridges, the raspberry and dark chocolate is to die for. They also do a champagne/vodka and lemon concoction for those so inclined.”
I suppose one thing England could do is move Henderson central and deeper to release Wilshere - at the moment, he’s beating men in centrefield, but with nowhere to go subsequently. If he can do that closer to the box, then perhaps England might muster a chance, because at the moment, Rooney is almost entirely isolated.
“So, how many international fixtures could match the quality of last night’s game?” emails Nick - and I see his point, but don’t think it’s the one being made. Of course the best club sides are better than the best international sides, but the intensity and intention are what’s inexcusably missing.
It’s the end of the season and all that, and this is a friendly and all that, but even so, excusing this nonsense is not easily done. England, Wilshere aside, are miserable - they’ve not got anywhere scoring, nor do they look especially arsed about so doing. Ireland, on the other hand, are trying; they look the more likely scorers.
Well, isn’t this jolly. Here’s Whitney Houston’s half-time summation.
Half-time: Ireland 0-0 England
45 min McGeady pounces upon a loose ball at inside-left and slips into the box for McGoldrick. But he’s running away from goal, spinning into a shot aimed across Hart, but Cahill’s there and slides in to deflect behind; the corner comes to nowt.
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44 min Wilshere snaps through midfield and past McCarthy, who makes sure to bring him down. He’s booked.
42 min More football from England! Yes, really! Henderson and Bertrand combine down the left with passing and everything, the latter clipping back to the former, to then nips a ball into the box, where Lallana inventively steps over and Rooney arrives - but can’t quite collect.
40 min “How dare you call this desperate?” chides John Beaven. “It’s nowhere near as good as that.”
My apologies to the man.
38 min Some football from England! Jones cuts inside before clipping a clever reverse-pass for Sterling, who rides the assault on his Achilles to flick a first-time return back down the line. Jones then crosses low, and Westwood flings himself at it unnecessarily, only for Wilson to reach if first and get the ball away.
36 min Best chance of the game for Ireland! Again, England concede an unnecessary free-kick, 40 yards out, right of centre. Brady bends over a sizzler of a cross and Murphy leaps to intercept closer to the penalty spot - it’s a free header too, but Cahill jumps just in front of him, perhaps putting him off, and the ball bumps into the ground. And seeing it a second time, his touch actually took it away from McGeady, arriving late at the back post.
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34 min David Wall is back: “I think you’re right about Phil Jones and his composure issues. But part of the problem is that he’s not really been allowed a lengthy run at centre-half, and with a consistent partner. Partly that’s due to managers (especially at United) using him to cover right-back rather than actually buy a specialist (despite the fact that everyone knows how important decent full-backs are these days rather than just somewhere to hide the weakest player in your Sunday League team), and partly due to his injury problems. How does Scholes expect him to have learned how to play in a position without really playing there much, and especially in a position that most think takes maturity and experience to get good at?”
Yep, some of this is true - the injuries and versatility don’t help. But he’s also old enough and experienced enough to take responsibility for his performances; he’s played with the likes of Ferdinand and Vidic, so should have some idea of how it’s done. I don’t think he’s useless, but - and I hope I’m wrong - I don’t think he’s ever be a regular for England or United.
33 min On the plus side, England are in Ljubljana next Sunday, where the ice cream is spectacularly good. I recommend, in particular, Keks and Amarena.
32 min This is desperate.
30 min Jones advances down the right and Wilshere flicks outside, allowing him to sidefoot a clever first timer into space that finds Sterling wriggling towards the by-line. But McGeady tracks the run well, deflecting his attempted cross behind, and Lallana’s corner goes out before it comes in. Dearie it.
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27 min A long, diagonal ball, zipping centre to right, has Murphy jumping with Smalling, and both contrive to miss it. This allows Hendricks to lift into the box, where the selfsame Murphy now has a sight of goal, but with Cahill coming across, he’s forced to shoot early, across Hart to his right - he dives and flips around the post, though the ref signals a goalkick.
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26 min There’s not a whole lot coming to pass at the moment, and this has not escaped the attention of Charles Antaki. “Will fans of the England and Ireland national teams forgive the observation that, for anyone who watched last night’s extravaganza, this is desperate stuff? Also, anyone who watched any random League 1 game of last season, possibly.”
I think they’d probably enjoy it.
24 min “You think Walcott is a composed finisher?” asks David Wall. “I get the impression that he is streaky and when in a good run then I’d agree, you’d expect him to score. And given that he often has plenty of time to pick his spot given that he has sprinted away from the defensive line then he’s often not under great pressure in those periods. But do those hot streaks really last as long as they should to be a top-level finisher, who can still get good numbers even when not on top form? I thought there was a classic example late in the cup final when, clean through in the classic Henry-style, he tried to bend it into the far corner and shanked it high, wide, and handsome. It was a much easier chance than the one he scored, and when Villa were completely demoralised, and the kind he has more often so needs to be more clinical with. I just wonder if he might be better off focusing on being a wide player and actually getting good in that role (i.e. learning to cross). It’s where managers are more inclined to pick him anyway.”
I don’t think we can know, because he’s never had a run in the position. I actually wonder more if he’s got the knack of arriving in the right place at the right time to get the tap-ins, more than whether he’s the ability to consistently finish one-one-one.
23 min England attempt some passing, to little avail, but it’s the thought that counts. At the moment, only Wilshere looks like supplying the class that’s so miserably lacking thus far, but he needs some support, and someone to win him the ball more frequently.
22 min “When I am watching a game involving Phil Jones I like to play a game I call ‘Himself, a teammate, or an opponent’, emails JR from Illinois. “Simple really. I just try to guess which one will be injured by Jones. In this game I could see a clash of heads with Gary Cahill.”
Sounds like a round from Every Second Counts.
20 min Sterling, who has the temerity to want to play for the best club that he can, and earn as much money as he can - how dare he! - is jeered as he takes possession on the right touchline. Planning to go outside Mark Wilson, he jinks insdie and out, but is well followed and foiled.
19 min England have not even hinted at hinting at creating a semblance of a half-chance.
16 min Ireland win a free-kick on the right, 35 yards out, and Brady whips a jazzer to the far post. With Brady behind him, Rooney has to be disciplined and sharp, and he is, flicking away to avert the danger.
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15 min Chris Smalling has become a very useful centre-back. Even under David Moyes, where he produced some horrific efforts on the right, when deployed in the middle, he was uniformly excellent, and now, under Louis van Gaal, has grown into a leader. If he can improve the accuracy of his passing, he could be a serious player.
13 min Excellent from Ireland, McCarthy sweeping a first timer left to McGeady. He squares up Jones and nips inside as he follows, stops, starts, and uses the engineered half-yard to whip a cross for Murphy in the middle. But again, Smalling is alert, heading clear.
10 min For the first time, England find Raheem Sterling, and everyone jeers. Then, Robbie Brady barrels over and flicks the ball away, carrying on through with a heel bashing into ankle. Sterling is not at all chuffed, but England win a corner anyway, cleverly clipped back by Lallana to Cahill, level with the front post and ten yards out - who only goes and misses his attempted shot.
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9 min Again, Wilshere snaps through midfield - he’s such a natural mover and swayer with the ball, as though it’s an extension of his foot. He jabs a strong pass at Rooney’s feet with the outside of his right, but the control is awry, much to the amusement of the crowdd.
6 min McGeady escapes down the left and Cahill - “very quick across the ground” - as opposed to the through the air - “for a big man” - is over toe snuff out the danger. But then a subsequent cross looking for McGoldrick in the middle is well reached by Smalling, stretching to divert behind for a corner. It’s driven towards the second post and Hart comes, getting nowhere near, but doing enough with a punch once it’s clipped back in.
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5 min Ireland get into trouble trying to pass their way out of defence, O’Shea run off the ball by Rooney, but Milner can’t find Lallana at inside-left and Ireland restart the process.
4 min Wilshere looks like he’s happy to be here, surging into space and flipping a lofted pass to Henderson outside him, tanking down the line. It’s fractionally long, but a promising sign for England.
2 min The follow-up corner goes towards the penalty spot, where Murphy outjumps Cahill to nod down into the six-yard box. For a second, there seems a chance on, but Rooney is sharper than McGoldrick to the loose ball, and he wallops clear.
1 min Off we go, and Ireland bundle forward, finding McGoldrick on the right of the box. He twists into a cross shot , earning a corner - but McGeady’s kick to the near post is headed behind.
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Back to Theo Walcott, sure Arsene Wenger will sign a striker to go ahead of him and Olivier Giroud this summer?
There’s a minute’s applause for the recently departed Tommy Dunne and Ray Treacy.
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There’s a pretty decent atmosphere in the ground, especially given the hour; Ireland need to fly into England to preserve and develop it.
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Some anthems. Yes, as expected.
“In Theo Walcott’s interview in today’s Observer”, emails David Wall, “he says that he’s not been specifically working on his finishing, just doing more in general (inspired by Alexis Sanchez). I don’t know how he meant that to be taken, but isn’t it actually a negative thing considering that he has claimed for so long that he wants to play through the middle. Anyone with designs on being a striker should spend more time on their finishing that anything else. Even if they increase the amount of overall training they do as well then finishing should take up a greater proportion of that. Isn’t it naive to think that you’re going to turn from someone who wasn’t a natural centre-forward to someone who is a serious contender for that role in Champions’ League and international sides without special work? I’m sure Thierry Henry didn’t think like that if that is who Walcott is trying to model his career on.”
I guess we don’t know how much work he’s been doing as a matter of course. I actually think he’s a pretty handy and composed finisher - it’s the touch and movement that might prevent him becoming as good as he’d like.
Ah, there’s John Delaney! And, while we’re here, why would any team require compensation to balance a refereeing error. Humans make mistakes, always have; teams need to be good enough to make them irrelevant.
And here, of course, he is, of course, at USA ‘94.
Jack Charlton is accepting the applause of the crowd, flat cap in place. Here he is, talking about Roy Keane.
Shearer, Sheringham, Ferdinand and Fowler were England’s strikers at Euro ‘96; Wright and Cole weren’t even selected. Both would stroll into this squad, and perhaps the first XI.
Paul Scholes reckons Phil Jones isn’t “quite clever enough” to play centre-back, and is a decent right-back. It’s true that he did well there when he first joined United, but the same composure issues that affect him in the middle apply, just in a different way: he’s likely to get plenty of the ball, but hasn’t yet shown the wit and composure to use it well consistently. However, he is still a talent - even if he’s running out of time to make the most of it.
Let’s have a bash at compiling at XI that’ll give England the best chance of succeeding next summer:
Hart; Clyne, Cahill, Smalling, Shaw; Carrick, Wilshere; Sterling, Barkley, Welbeck; Rooney.
Er.
Anyway, our teams. It’ll be interesting to see if McGoldrick and Murphy’s club partnership helps them cause England problems. As for England, there are six changes from the XI that started against Italy in March - though it needed significant alteration to compete in the second half. It’ll be interesting to see how Raheem Sterling combines with Wayne Rooney, and whether Jack Wilshere can maintain the momentum of last week’s Cup final cameo - as it will, for entirely different reasons, Phil Jones at right-back.
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“Two improving teams?” tweets Mick Reynolds. “England may be on the up and up but that’s essentially a Championship XI for 4th in the group Ireland...”
I agree it’s not a great side, but their results in the last year haven’t been too bad. And it’s also worth pointing out that Coleman and McCarthy are very good players.
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Pawns in their game:
Ireland: Westwood; Coleman, Wilson, O’Shea, Brady; McCarthy, Whelan, Hendrick, McGeady; McGoldrick, Murphy.
England: Hart; Jones, Cahill, Smalling, Bertrand; Henderson, Wilshere, Milner; Sterling, Rooney, Lallana.
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Here’s Barney Ronay with some thoughts on why, perhaps, this game is not such a tremendous idea. Let’s hope he’s wrong.
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Preamble
“They.” The ubiquitous “they”, deciders of things and shapers of dreams, have duly decreed that Ireland and England must today meet for a football match; it is not entirely simple to fathom why.
For the hosts, it’s straightforward enough: England represent the most obvious stylistic imitation of Scotland, Ireland’s opponents in next Saturday’s European Championship qualifier! England, on the other hand, need to find a way of succeeding against good teams who dare to divert from the domestic style - something they’re getting neither from their Group E chumsies nor their afternoon. And yet, here we are.
Still, there’s something staggeringly appropriate in these two humping about immediately following a European Cup final that was everything they’re not. And we’ve also got a game of football between two improving sides at an unusual time of the year at an unusual time of the day, so there’s that.
Kick-off: 1pm
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