THIS IS NOT ANFIELD
If, by the conclusion of tonight’s Big Cup action, Liverpool fans are reduced to arguing on Social Media Disgrace Twitter that beatings visited upon their team in somebody else’s stadium don’t actually count towards historically unprecedented horror-runs of “home” defeats, then we can almost certainly assume that what is currently a difficult time for the Premier League champions has just got a little worse.
Having lost six consecutive home games at Anfield for the first time in that proud history they don’t like to talk about, Liverpool’s manager, players and fans are relishing the opportunity to play their latest Big Cup home game far away in Budapest’s Puskás Stadium, coincidentally the scene of their “away” triumph in the first leg against Crass Energy Drink Advertising Gimmick Leipzig.
Currently finding goals extremely hard to come by, Liverpool were gifted a couple by their extremely charitable German opponents in the first leg and these presents may be enough to see them through even if they lose tonight. But given their current form and alarming inability to hit a cow’s backside with a banjo, it was no surprise to hear Leipzig manager Julian Nagelsmann sounding bullish before the game. “My players know that many crazy things have already happened in football and that you can turn deficits around,” he said. “We’ve already proved that. We need the necessary mix of attacking desire and a solid defence. In addition the necessary humility and cleverness – we will need it all to reach the next round.”
A solid defence, eh? As well as their inexplicable inability to score very often, Liverpool’s rearguard has contributed much to their recent undoings and Leipzig are certain to target a defensive line so high it resembles Weird Uncle Fiver after blazing up and smoking a Camberwell Carrot stuffed with pungent Skunky Diesel.
And while one shudders to think of what kind of havoc sides such as Bayern Munich or PSG could wreak with well timed sorties in behind it, Jürgen Klopp remains convinced Liverpool can still win this season’s Big Cup. “Two things: the quality and the football in general,” he said, in the face of a tidal wave of press scepticism. “You always have a chance in the next game. It’s half-time, we have to play the game. I have no doubt about us. We will give it a proper fight.” They will need to put up a considerably better one than they did against Fulham on Sunday if this is to go down as one of those memorable European nights at not-quite-Anfield.
LIVE ON BIG WEBSITE
Join Nick Ames at 6pm GMT for MBM updates of Manchester City 9-0 Southampton in the Premier League, while in Big Cup, Barry Glendenning will be all over Liverpool 1-2 RB Leipzig (agg: 3-2) and Paul Doyle will be on hand for PSG 0-4 Barcelona (agg: 4-5).
QUOTE OF THE DAY
“It is a worthy homage to a man who is recognised the world over for his legacy in Brazilian football and for the corresponding services rendered to our country” – Rio votes for the iconic Maracanã to be renamed Rei Pelé in honour the original soccer superstar who is the GOAT/not the GOAT (delete as appropriate).
FIVER LETTERS
“I was discombobulated by the headline ‘urgent Palace talks’ (yesterday’s Big Website). Does this mean that Mr Roy is going to be shown the door marked Do One and replaced by the Duke and Duchess of Gold-Plated Santa Barbara Mansion? I’m worried how they’ll cope with the chief suit’s high-pressure demands. Dealing with family bickering and an intrusive media pales into insignificance compared to keeping the lads within 10 places of the Spurs, beating Brighton and making sure the skip is regularly filled with black bags full of seasonal telly loot” – Mark Husbands.
“Robbie Keane (yesterday’s Still Want Mores) may have led as a player and may wish to lead as a coach (although I suspect he has mixed himself up with his namesake Roy) but do we have any news yet on his leadership skills as ‘unidentified fan’?” – Noble Francis.
“Liverpool’s Big Cup trip to Budapest ought to do Jürgen’s boys a world of good. So far this year they’ve won more matches in the Puskás Arena than Anfield. Plus, Ferenc Puskás has a little-known connection to Merseyside, when he turned out for non-league South Liverpool in a fundraiser. Today, South Liverpool are top of the West Cheshire League and unlike their illustrious neighbours they haven’t lost a match in 2021 (admittedly that’s because lockdown restrictions suspended their games from mid-December, but still, eh?)” – Mark McFadden.
Send your letters to the.boss@theguardian.com. And you can always tweet The Fiver via @guardian_sport. Today’s winner of our letter o’the day is … Mark Husbands, who wins a copy of From the Jaws of Victory.
RECOMMENDED VIEWING?
Kudos to Dorking’s Jake Gallagher for what might just be the most pointless pirouette in the history of football. You decide.
NEWS, BITS AND BOBS
The family of the footballer Emiliano Sala have launched legal action against Cardiff and FC Nantes over his death in an air crash two years ago.
Ryan Giggs will not take charge of Wales this month, casting further doubt over his long-term future and whether he will lead his country at Euro Not 2020.
Chelsea are into the last eight of Women’s Big Cup after a 1-1 draw against Atlético Madrid sealed a 3-1 aggregate win.
Manchester United have appointed John Murtough as the club’s first football director which, we’re guessing, means he will now be the go-to man for abuse when things go wrong instead of Ed Woodward.
$tevie Mbe reckons it’s not for him to decide whether the Queen’s Celtic v Pope’s O’Rangers should be axed to prevent another mass pyro party in Glasgow. “I’ll let those conversations continue with the powers that be,” blabbed Mbe. “That’s above my head.”
Coventry are going back to the Ricoh Arena after signing a 10-year-deal to groundshare with egg-chasing franchise Wasps. “This is fantastic news for the club, our community and most importantly the supporters,” whooped chief suit Dave Boddy.
Lukasz Fabianski, 78, is the latest happy Hammer to sign a one-year contract extension. “I’m very thankful for the belief [West Ham] have put in me,” blushed the goalkeeper.
And Crystal Palace chief suit Steve Parish has joined the chorus of fresh and funky voices who are against Big Cup expansion plans. “The [Milk] Cup is the one of the largest financial contributors to the Football League and its 72 clubs,” roared Parish. “This proposal will probably see the end of that cup in its entirety.”
Selfless José is nearing 1,000 games in management but only has his mind on securing some silverware for ‘big boss’, Daniel Levy, who celebrates 20 years as Spurs’ biggest suit this week. “The trophies are the salt and pepper of football and I would love to help that to happen,” he cooed.
STILL WANT MORE?
Reading’s Michael Morrison gets his chat on with Ben Fisher, and admits the players had to Google Veljko Paunovic, the manager who has turned them into promotion hopefuls.
Darlo legends’ careers in deep-sea diving and immunology, catastrophic plunges from top to relegation and a Pepe Reina rick. All in this week’s Knowledge.
Liverpool are probably going to need a repeat of the Miracle of Istanbul to rescue their season, reports Andy Hunter.
Want to compare goalkeepers? Some clean sheets are bigger than others, writes Martin Laurence.
Oh, and if it’s your thing … you can follow Big Website on Big Social FaceSpace. And INSTACHAT, TOO!
