What worries me about the presidential election, now so close that every day seems to fall like a drop in a prolonged water torture, is that this year's race is less a weighing of the issues than a national referendum on America's IQ.
That is a disturbing thought. If it's an intelligence test we face on the second Tuesday of November, we all should be very afraid of what could happen.
Forget the opinion polls that show one candidate, Hillary Clinton, she of the reckless emailing, ahead of the other, Donald Trump, he of the reckless everything. Who would bet on the American people making the intelligent choice?
This is the land where Kim Kardashian became famous for no discernible reason. It is where viewers take pleasure in watching naked people have unreal adventures on reality TV shows, even though naughty body parts are obscured by a fuzzy fungus. It is where Richard Nixon was widely supported and where patriots thought an invasion of a country with no discernible link to the 9/11 attacks seemed like a clever move.
No, the background of widespread mental failure does not bode well for an intelligent outcome. As polling booths are not proven incubators of gray matter, I fear Donald Trump will reap the benefit.
Not that I think Trump supporters possesses low intelligence. Perish the thought! I prefer to think their hatred of Hillary Clinton has overcome their better natures. I would even concede that their brains have not thrown a rope out of their ears and shimmied on down to escape the blather of Fox News and talk radio, which is what I would do if I were a self-respecting brain.
Some readers will condemn the suggestion that the election pits smart people against dummies on grounds that this is elitist and condescending, the very traits that have made Trump supporters cranky and rebellious.
The truth, however, is that both sides believe their political antagonists are as dumb as a pile of rocks. As a liberal, I am often told by readers that if I had one more brain I would be dangerous.
But at least I am not boiling with resentment because I imagine elitists think I am stupid, as many conservatives seem to do.
Nor do I have a special language of cultural resentment that makes me talk about living in flyover country where the high and mighty politicians rarely land. I would count it a blessing if they didn't land.
I think the motivation of some conservatives to lash out wildly by supporting Trump's demented populist pitch has to do with resentment stirred by the oft-repeated claim that a big part of his support comes from white men with no college degrees. They may have a legitimate beef.
Attending college is a good thing. Everybody should spend time studying the world's intellectual bounty and learning beer-pong but not everybody has the opportunity. Nobody should be considered less intelligent if they didn't go to college.
Some very smart people never go to college. I myself went to the University of Hard Knocks, where I graduated with a degree of concussion. Best education ever.
The IQ that enables people to obtain a college degree goes only so far because IQ is not wisdom. It is not even one thing. There is also emotional intelligence, the lack of which afflicts certain smart women who end up with dopey partners (my wife can speak to this).
The IQ that I speak of _ the IQ to be measured on Nov. 8 _ is based on a simple dictum: Stupid is what stupid does. Stupid is not about where you live or went to school. It is the IQ established the old-fashioned way, by choosing between smart or stupid in your life.
In this election, the brainy choice is ironically the no-brainer. Yes, Clinton is a flawed candidate and it requires some nose-holding to vote for her, but in no way is she comparable to Donald Trump.
One candidate is shaky with the truth in the manner of a typical politician but no worse. The other is a pathological liar who wouldn't know the truth if he tripped over it. One is reasonable and well-intentioned; the other is a madman, a narcissist, a bully, a groper, a racist, a con artist, a show-off and generally a nasty excuse for a human being.
I'll let you figure who is who because this is an IQ test. For America's sake, please don't vote stupid. Surprise me.
