As far as political sex scandals go, the Profumo affair can rest easy. Unmarried man dates numerous unmarried women, but not all at once. Women revealed, in some cases, to be university pals, colleagues and mutual friends. So far so PG.
It wasn’t, however, only the Mail that splashed Ed Miliband’s “tangled” love life on its front page. The Telegraph also saw fit to feature a full-size picture of former BBC Newsnight economics editor Stephanie Flanders, pushing the narrative that the pair – who dated for a time – were involved in a passionate maelstrom of Marxism and morning sex contravening the broadcaster’s impartiality guidelines.
Not since Nick Clegg admitted to having slept with “no more” than 30 women (in an interview in which Piers Morgan asked him whether his wife was satisfied) has the political commentariat been so obsessed with what goes on inside a male politician’s trousers.
(I try not to remember the time Jonathan Ross asked David Cameron in 2006 whether he had ever had a wank over Margaret Thatcher. But I’m sure you will thank me for bringing it up.)
"Red Ed's jolly tangled love life!" trills the Daily Mail front page, like a Commie-fearing 1950s village busybody
— Michael Hogan (@michaelhogan) April 10, 2015
Pundits, commentators and audience members on Question Time were quick to admonish Michael Fallon’s “desperate” personal attack on Miliband over Trident. It’s also been revealed that a guidance document given to Tory candidates for the campaign featured just 10 mentions of David Cameron but 100 of Miliband.
Can someone tell me if this is supposed to be good or bad for @Ed_Miliband pic.twitter.com/zzrs1CKzM4
— Robert Peston (@Peston) April 9, 2015
All of this makes me wonder whether the Tories aren’t secretly a bit in love with Ed, and practising the misguided pulling technique of “negging”, which is nurtured in the playground, comes of age in bars and clubs, and has now apparently reached Westminster.
Why does little Dave chase Ed mercilessly around the playground, spend lunch (a hot dog, with knife and fork) teasing him over his non-dom policies and going on about how much fitter his brother is? Because he’s secretly in love with him, duh.
The truth is, the Tories seem to have been banking on Lynton Crosby’s “Ed is shit” campaign winning the election for them. That way they wouldn’t have to address things like not having delivered on their deficit projections or immigration promises.
Ed, however, has started to woo the electorate with his big, brown Maltester-like eyes and the cute fact that he talks out of the side of his mouth (hey, it worked for Elvis).
There is, however, a serious point to this. First, the Mail seemed to have overlooked the fact that one of the women whose personal affairs were exposed for all to read was widowed just months earlier, and to hell with her feelings.
And second, we the people, don’t really care that Ed Miliband had relationships before he got married. Or, shock horror, had children out of wedlock.
Confused by the Tory attacks on Ed Miliband: too ruthless or not ruthless enough? - looks too odd or had too many girlfriends? #Desperate
— Mary Wimbury (@MaryWimbury) April 10, 2015
The Tories’ message on Ed is all over the place. He’s a geek! He’s weak! He’s meek and he’s weird! No wait, he’s a ruthless operator ambitious and determined to become PM, plus he’s a hit with the ladies.
And now, with his back-stabbing, profligate spending plans and rampant sex drive, he is basically Caligula. If the Tories carry on like this, they are in danger of gifting Labour an overall majority in the Commons, and the only thing hung will be Ed.
Why is this assumed to be what the electorate care about? This is not what the electorate care about.
We are much more interested in real issues and investigating the values and morals of our prospective representatives – like the fact that a Ukip candidate is to be investigated over allegedly influencing voters with sausage rolls. Now that’s a story.
The view from Twitter
The Mail "reveals" Ed Miliband dated a bunch of hot, clever & successful women. Does it really think that will harm his image?
— Janice Turner (@VictoriaPeckham) April 10, 2015
I see that Ed Miliband has done a reverse Gordon Brown - he's gone from Mr Bean to Poldark.
— Tim Stanley (@timothy_stanley) April 10, 2015
This back stabbing sex machine version of Ed Miliband is def adding appeal .
— suzanne moore (@suzanne_moore) April 9, 2015
Right-wing press suggests former dweeb Ed Miliband is now sexually magnetic, power-crazed Marxist. He's beginning to sound rather thrilling.
— Alex von Tunzelmann (@alexvtunzelmann) April 9, 2015
Scotland, lock up your daughters - Ed Miliband is in Edinburgh today. pic.twitter.com/kzpybA9LCN
— Shane Croucher (@shanecroucher) April 10, 2015
PARAGRAPH OF THE DAY: 'Ed Miliband briefly dated someone who would later become a single mother.' pic.twitter.com/ZNZxBGIVVv
— The DM Reporter (@DMReporter) April 10, 2015
Ed Miliband had four girlfriends in ten years before meeting his wife. Surely this monster cannot be elected Prime Minister.
— Darren Richman (@darrenrichman) April 10, 2015
When you check Twitter and the Mail has confirmed Ed Miliband has a more impressive sexual history than you pic.twitter.com/zYpKLdXnzP
— Alan White (@aljwhite) April 9, 2015
What with these NHS woes and Ed Miliband's sex appeal, tomorrow's Mail front is basically pro-Labour. Had to happen. pic.twitter.com/TEai4TBBs0
— amol rajan (@amolrajan) April 9, 2015
Hello, I'm Ed Miliband and to you I say this. Did it hurt when you fell from heaven under conditions created by the previous government?
— Keri (@kerihw) April 9, 2015
