For a while it seemed as if today just could not get any more spirit-crushing. First, it emerged that Cheryl Cole is "on a break" not simply from Ashley, but from all Girls Aloud promotional work. Could Ashley be the Girls Aloud Yoko Ono? We may have to start facing up to this.
But now, the motherlode. Bart Simpson is a frickin' Scientologist. Not Bart exactly, but Nancy Cartwright, the actress who voices him, and who last year donated $10m to Scientology's Global Salvage effort, which apparently "aims to 'de-aberrate' Earth -- meaning to rid mankind of psychology ills and other 'aberrant' behavior."
Mm. The degree to which it has failed is neatly evidenced by the list of the Church's major donors last year, and the far from meaningless awards they were given in return - a hilarious aberration, if ever you saw one. The top five celebrity donors and their prizes are listed below. What else can be said - other than could Xenu please get in his 75bn year old DC-10 and finally put this planet out of its misery?
Nancy Cartwright, Patron Laureate Award: $10 million
Tom Cruise, Freedom Medal of Valor for Achievement in the Field of Excellence: $5 million
Kirstie Alley, 57, Diamond Meritorious Award: $5 million
John Travolta, 53, Gold Meritorious Award: $1 million
Kelly Preston, 45, Gold Meritorious Award: $1 millon
Priscilla Presley, 62, Patron Award: $50,000
