Is it time for international election observers to turn their attentions to Rear of the Year? Should you be unaware of this annual competition, established in 1976, it is as much a national curiosity as the Keswick Pencil Museum or Vernon Kay's career. This year's winner is Carol Vorderman.
Now, I have no wish to disrespect Carol's rear, which is doubtless excellent. But I'm afraid there is only one rear in town this year, and it belongs to headline-grabbing arriviste Pippa Middleton. Clearly, this presents some problems for organiser Tony Edwards, and I would have respected him had he said: "Look, we have to give this to someone who will turn up to receive it, wear the unflattering sponsored jeans, and look back cheekily over their shoulder for the classic photo. Pippa ain't going to do it."
Instead, he offered the following: "There have been quite a lot of votes for Pippa over the period after the royal wedding, but it was less than six weeks from then to now and a lot of other stars had a lot of time to really ratchet up the votes."
Tony, Tony, Tony . . . The game is up. Either you begin the transition to democracy, or Lost in Showbiz will begin campaigning for the UN resolution.
