That’s your lot for tonight - thanks for reading, and be safe out there, kids.
Updated
Well, that was a fairly satisfactory first game for Zinedine Zidane. Real weren’t actually quite as dominant as the scoreline suggests, but they were terrific, fluid and threatening going forwards, and while they did leave a few holes at the back, they just about got away with it that time. It was a marvellously high-energy performance, which you could ascribe to Zidane’s arrival or simply just the new manager bounce, or even simply him not being Rafa Benitez.
Full-time: Real Madrid 5-0 Deportivo
Peeeeeeeeeeeeeep.
90 mins + 1: Real attack down the right, and suddenly Jese and Ronaldo are away. Jese squares to Ronaldo, free in the middle, but the pass is slightly behind him and he has to stop and adjust. This means he can’t get his shot away, the ball breaks to Benzema who barrels in and belts it home, crashing in off the bar.
Updated
GOAL! Real Madrid 5-0 Deportivo (Benzema 90 +1)
A nice cherry on top, but more Ronaldo woe.
88 mins: Marcelo - who has been terrific going forwards - finds himself on the left side of the box again, and he wallops a low cross at the near-post, Ronaldo tries to turn it home but hoys it high and wide. Not happening for him tonight.
87 mins: More adventures in clearing with Keylor Navas, as an attempted hoof away doesn’t even make the sideline. Depor work it into the box, the ball falls to Lucas in some space, but he takes too much time and he’s dispossessed.
86 mins: Jese lollipops his way down the right, fires in a cross but it’s blocked out for a corner. Kroos booms it to the back stick but it’s headed away by Riera, back defending.
85 mins: Real look like they’re trying to set up Ronaldo for a goal now. No dice yet, though.
82 mins: Another handball in the Real box, this time Varane, but he’d smacked that up into his own arm, so no penalty again.
80 mins: The sadness of Ronaldo continues. Modric slides the big dog in on the right side of the area, but his low shot skims across goal and wide of the far post.
Updated
79 mins: The corner comes over and finds Arribas in the six yard box, but he’s off balance and hooks his shot over the bar.
78 mins: Luis Alberto finds himself in plenty of space about 25 yards out, he thrashes the ball towards goal but it’s about chest-high to Navas’s left, and he pushes it away.
76 mins: A rare moment of incompetence in this Real performance: Navas plays a goal-kick out to Varane, he passes it back (which, by the way, is against the rules in my Monday night fives game), and the keeper simply knocks the ball out of play, ostensibly trying to pass it to Marcelo.
74 mins: Bale gets his curtain call - he’s taken off, and Jese replaces him.
73 mins: Carvajal makes a sliding block, the ball jumps up and hits his arm but there’s no way that was a penalty. Up the other end, Ronaldo then displays he’s a man for all seasons by making a tackle, then the ball breaks to him for a shot, but again that’s straight at the keeper.
71 mins: Ronaldo gets the ball in the middle of the goal around 20 yards out, but is too crowded out to shoot, and his pass goes well astray. Carvajal is back on.
70 mins: Arribas goes into the book for just about the most cynical foul on Benzema you’ll see, pulling the Frenchman down when it became obvious that he was about to beat him for pace.
69 mins: Carvajal is currently off the pitch receiving treatment so Bale drops in at right-back...and immediately makes a brilliant saving, sliding tackle, as Luis Alberto lines up a chance.
68 mins: Riera starts by taking out Pepe, which is rather brave. Meanwhile...
Gareth Bale becomes the first payer with two La Liga hat-tricks in 2015/16. #RMLiga
— Infostrada Sports (@InfostradaLive) January 9, 2016
66 mins: Change for Real - I.S.C.O trots off, James Rodriguez comes on. And a double change for Depor, as Luisinho replaces Navarro at left-back, while Fajr is off, his place taken by Oriol Riera.
65 mins: Things open up for Bale to get his fourth, but this time he gets under the shot when there were probably some better options available, and he hoofs the thing well over the bar.
63 mins: Simplicity itself. Wonderful, brutal simplicity, as Kroos swings over a corner from the right, Bale rises at the near post and the Welshman absolutely batters the ball with his forehead into the net. Wonderful header.
Updated
GOAL! Real Madrid 4-0 Deportivo (Bale 63)
Hat-trick!
61 mins: Another effort from Ronaldo, another miss, this one a left-footed half-volley that balloons way over.
60 mins: Bale runs down the line, runs out of options so cuts back and plays infield to Kroos. Lucas then displays exactly what happens when strikers try to defend, and barrels the German over with a profoundly clumsy barge.
59 mins: Ronaldo chases a ball in that slightly odd staccato running style of his, that always makes it look like he’s not quite running as fast as he actually is. He keeps the ball in play, but runs out himself and can’t make anything of the chance.
56 mins: Boof. Marcelo takes a ball to the face from rather close range, and it looks startled, like a man who has just noticed it’s unexpectedly raining, but he carries on. Now play is stopped after Carvajal goes down holding his foot.
54 mins: Depor haven’t got going so far in this half. A low cross from Fajr doesn’t make it that far past the near post, and it’s cleared.
51 mins: It’s quite amusing, and probably quite instructive, to see how awfully, awfully cross Ronaldo looks when he hasn’t scored. He shoots, it’s straight at Lux, and he sulks as if the whole world is against him. Not that any of this is necessarily a bad thing, of course.
49 mins: Excellent work by Ronaldo, popping up on the right, and he cuts it back to Bale on the edge of the penalty area, he opens his body and caresses the ball with some power into the bottom corner of the net.
Updated
GOAL! Real Madrid 3-0 Deportivo (Bale 49)
Well, that was better.
48 mins: Scrappy start to the second 45. Nobody has managed to keep hold of the ball for longer than a handful of passes.
46 mins: And we’re away. Can it be as fun as the first half? Hopefully.
The players are out for the second half, and looks like there are some changes - Raphael Varane is on for Sergio Ramos, while for Depor Jonas Gutierrez is also on, replacing Federico Cartabia.
“Despite having Catalonian sympathies when it comes to Spanish football,” writes Justin Kavanagh, “I’ve always had a huge soft spot for the very loveable Zinedine Zidane. Who could not love a man who decides that an Italian defender with a potty mouth like that deserves what’s coming to him, whether in the playground or in extra-time in a World Cup Final. But I’m worried about what this new job could do to his health, as he was always a man for a crafty fag before games, and the odd puke on the pitch in moments of high stress. I hope we are not looking at the next Cesar Menotti here? Will Real Madrid now have to employ a post-match dugout sweeper to clear away a mountain of ciggie butts?”
Well that was rather good fun. There have been some terrific spells of play from Real, some buccaneering attacking play and plenty of chances created, but equally they’re allowing Depor plenty of space at the other end. It’s all terrific entertainment if nothing else, but Real are perhaps a tad fortunate that they haven’t conceded so far.
Half-time: Real Madrid 2-0 Deportivo
Peeeeeeeeeeeeep.
45 mins: Depor have a corner on the left, it’s fizzed over but nobody can get a touch on it, with Arribas claiming he was being held by Pepe. Which, admittedly, doesn’t seem like the most shocking possibility in the world.
44 mins: More space for Depor, as Luis Alberto finds himself in room in the right channel, he crosses over to Lucas but it’s just over the forward’s head.
42 mins: Ronaldo, a man who seems to assume no game is complete without him scoring, again cuts in from the left and tries a shot, and it’s tricky to work out which is more surprising: that the effort sailed comfortably wide, or that he apologised to a colleague for shooting rather than passing.
41 mins: And yet Depor are still in this. Luis Alberto finds himself in a bit of room, and tries an ambitious effort that floats just over the bar. He would’ve had to measure that one absolutely perfectly to score.
40 mins: Another chances, as Bale again crosses from the right, finding Benzema who tries a left-footed first-time volley, but doesn’t get all of it and Lux makes the save.
39 mins: Yeesh, so close! A delightful move from Real creates a crossing opportunity for Bale on the right, he puts it into the box with his left foot looking for Ronaldo who times his run perfectly, but his header thunks against the inside of the post and bounces out.
Updated
37 mins: Another reasonable effort from Lucas, as he creates a bit of space to shoot from the edge of the box, but pulls it just wide. Then 30 seconds later a neat turn presents another shooting opportunity for Lucas, but he fires that one wide of the other post.
36 mins: Marcelo is basically playing as a left winger so far, and again he finds himself in the area, but he can’t quite bring Ronaldo’s scooped pass under control.
34 mins: Excellent stuff from Real, and Benzema takes out Arribas with a fine pass that finds Marcelo, but his shot is blocked by Sidnei.
Updated
33 mins: Meanwhile in Berlin, Guardian Sport’s erstwhile resident David Silva lookalike Ian McCourt has been amusing himself in his new surroundings...
Still giggling away at this. pic.twitter.com/ka0r4dr6IT
— Ian McCourt (@ianmccourt) January 9, 2016
32 mins: Neat stuff from Isco to play in Ronaldo, who in turn plays in Marcelo, but instead of crossing for Benzema or Bale in the middle, the Brazilian tries to cut it back to Ronaldo, and it’s blocked then cleared.
29 mins: Depor win a corner on the right, that Lucas goes across to take...and, well. If he was aiming for the other corner flag then it was a half-decent effort. But if not...
27 mins: Luis Alberto this time drifts wide and puts in a cross, but Ramos gets there just ahead of Lucas and heads clear.
26 mins: Worth noting that Depor came from 2-0 down against Barcelona earlier in the season to draw 2-2. Fajr cuts in from the left and crosses, but that’s easy for Navas.
25 mins: Nearly, nearly three, as Ronaldo cuts in from the left, measures a shot and fires it towards the opposite corner, but it slides just wide of the post.
24 mins: Depor have actually played pretty well here, but find themselves 2-0 behind with a quarter of the game gone. Bergantinos tries a shot from outside the area, but it lacks power and is straight at Navas, who saves easily.
22 mins: Simple really. Carvajal finds himself in absolutely acres on the right, he measures a cross into the box and Bale, leaning back ever so slightly, nods it past Lux and into the net.
Updated
GOAL! Real Madrid 2-0 Deportivo (Bale 22)
Well, this is all going rather well for Zizou.
22 mins: Isco finds himself at the byline on the left, he cuts it back and Marcelo nips in ahead of Ronaldo, swings his left boot but puts the shot wide of the near post.
21 mins: There’s someone in the crowd, presumably a Real ultra, armed with a megaphone and a scream that you could only describe as ‘blood-curdling’. Cartabia fizzes over a cross from the right that just misses everyone, Lucas in particular was very, very close to getting a touch on that one.
20 mins: The verdict is in from Twitter...
@NickMiller79 If Bale isn't involved in the play there then I don't enjoy coffee. (I enjoy coffee).
— Tom Price (@sixstringtom) January 9, 2016
19 mins: Kroos puts the corner into the middle, but he was climbing all over Mosquera and is penalised.
18 mins: Lot of Depor players still look disgruntled by the award of that goal. Carvajal gets down the right and crosses, but it’s deflected wide for a corner.
15 mins: The corner comes over, Ramos hooks a shot towards goal and Benzema backheels into the net with the Depor players claiming offside. It certainly looked it, but replays suggest Benzema, just on the edge of the six yard box, was being played on, but Bale just in front of him was off. You could argue he was interfering with play, but you probably would be there for a while.
Updated
GOAL! Real Madrid 1-0 Deportivo
But just about.
14 mins: Ronaldo cuts in from the left and winds up for one of his big ‘uns, but his shot - heading for the top corner - takes a deflection and it goes wide.
13 mins: Marcelo puts in a smashing cross from the left, aiming for Benzema, but Sidnei arrives from nowhere to put the Frenchman off and beat him to the header.
11 mins: Ooof, so close to a Depor opener. Mosquera threads the needle with a beautiful defence-splitter to put Lucas through on goal, he takes the snap shot but Navas charges out and makes the save. The Real defence was cracked open like a flimsy pistachio there.
10 mins: Zidane is dressed in a smart dark blue suit, white shirt and dark tie, for those who fret about this sort of thing. Hands firmly stuffed in pockets but for the odd gesticulation.
9 mins: First effort on target, as Ronaldo plays a one-two on the edge of the box and fires in a left-footed shot to the near-post, but Lux pushes it behind for a corner. Nothing comes of said corner, and Depor counter at some pace, but it’s eventually snuffed out.
8 mins: After an extended period of possession, Juanfran puts over a looping cross from the right that goes all the way out to Fajr on the left, but his cross/shot after cutting inside thuds straight into Navas’s chest.
7 mins: Depor have actually had a reasonable amount of the ball so far, but have been content to just knock it around and keep things quiet.
4 mins: Terrific ball over the top looking for Ronaldo, but it’s just a little bit too long for Monday’s Ballon d’Or runner-up.
2 mins: Formation looks like a 4-3-3 with Bale on the right of the three up top, and he creates a moment of danger straight away by fizzing in a cross to the edge of the six yard box, but it goes between Ronaldo and Isco and squirts clear off Bergantinos’s arse.
1 min: Depor kick off, and it rather sounds like their hearty band of travelling support making the noise after the home fans had their moment with Zidane.
Zidane emerges and takes his place in the dugout, the number of cameras in front of him more or less block out the sun. If it wasn’t 8.30pm local time and already dark.
Zidane just popped up on the big screen at the Bernabeu, and let’s just say the crowd sounded quite pleased.
Just into Bernabeu in time for huge cheer as Madrid's players run out to warm-up. Quite the change in atmosphere over last few days...
— Dermot Corrigan (@dermotmcorrigan) January 9, 2016
Prepare your beverage of choice and settle in for a spot of pre-match reading. On the sort of Real Madrid manager Zidane might be, by Sid Lowe and Paul Doyle:
What, then, are Zidane’s instincts as a manager? During his studies, which culminated in him earning his Uefa Pro Licence last May, he watched Pep Guardiola’s sessions at Bayern Munich but did most of his course work in France, showing particular interest in the methods of the then Marseille manager, Marcelo Bielsa, and, most of all, Christian Gourcuff, now manager of Algeria but who is acclaimed mainly for his work during 11 years at Lorient where he created slick, attacking sides on a shoestring budget. Zidane appreciates that style, though financial constraints are not something he cares to replicate which is why he rejected an offer in 2014 to begin his managerial career back at Bordeaux. Money should not be a problem at Real and his preferred style, if he can produce it, will be just what the Santiago Bernabéu crowd have been ordering.
But will he produce it? That will require forming a balanced team and taming oversized egos. Because of his imagination as a player Zidane has been hailed as the antidote to the caution of Benítez but he is unlikely to prescribe a populist, all-guns-blazing approach. As a player he stressed that he was only able to perform his magic because of the stage-building craft of Claude Makélélé, whosesale by Madrid to Chelsea he decried as the blunder that brought about the demise of the first galácticos era, memorably quipping that flogging Makelele and then buying David Beckham was tantamount to putting “another layer of gold paint on the Bentley when you are losing the entire engine”. Zidane probably noted more recently that Bielsa’s reign at Marseille unravelled when the Argentinian became overwhelmed by attack-lust and spurned defensive midfielders.
So two changes from Rafa Benitez’s last Real team, with Dani Carvajal replacing Danilo and right-back, and Isco in for Mateo Kovacic, who’s suspended after he was sent off against Valencia.
Team news
Real Madrid
Navas; Carvajal, Pepe, Ramos, Marcelo; Modric, Kroos, Isco; Bale, Benzema, Cristiano Ronaldo. Subs: Casilla, Varane, James Rodriguez, Casemiro, Lucas Vasquez, Jese, Danilo
Deportivo la Coruna
Poroto Lux; Juanfran, Arribas, Sidnei, Navarro; Mosquera, Bergantinos; Faycal Fajr, Carabia, Luis Alberto; Lucas. Subs: Manu Fernandez, Riera, Dominguez, Laure, Luisinho, Lopo, Jonas.
Referee: Pedro Perez (Andalucia)
Preamble
So, then. Zinedine Zidane. Zizou. Among the greatest players in Real Madrid history and a French national hero. Virtually peerless as a player, but as a manager? The signs aren’t exactly promising, as he didn’t exactly do majestic things as Castilla boss, and as recently as November said he wasn’t ready for the big gig just yet. And then there’s the whole ‘great player, not great manager’ thing, which has seen any number of players, from Diego Maradona to Paul Gascoigne to John Barnes and beyond, go from peerless on the pitch to clueless in the dugout.
You sort of wonder why he’s willing to risk his reputation really. If he stays away, keeps relatively quiet and doesn’t do anything to harm how Real fans think of him, then he’ll always be the same Zizou, the genius who won so many trophies, glided around the pitch and scored that goal in the 2002 Champions League final. That said, Alfredo di Stefano had a couple of forgettable spells as Real coach, and that didn’t exactly harm his standing at the Bernabeu.
This isn’t the most gentle of introductions, either. Even if you discount the myriad problems that any Real manager has to deal with, involving politics and an imbalanced squad, the visitors tonight are in decent form, Depor’s defeat at Villarreal last time out their first loss in eight, a run that included taking points off both Barcelona and Atletico Madrid. Victor Sanchez is building up a decent reputation as a coach after returning to the club he won the league with as a player. As a mild subplot, he did also win La Liga with Real, and the Champions League too.
Should be a good one, even without all this honking narrative, so stay tuned.
Kick-off: 7.30pm GMT
Nick will be here shortly.
