There’s a small pitch invasion at the Madejski Stadium. A bit of blue smoke floats about the pitch. Reading’s fans are very happy about going to Wembley, it seems. An FA Cup semi-final against Arsenal is theirs to cherish. As for Bradford, their cup run ends in disappointment, but they can hold their heads up high, because it’s been quite the ride for their fans. It’s just a pity that they were overwhelmed tonight. A step too far, but there’s no shame in being beaten by a better team. Anyway that’s all from me. Thanks to all of my three readers tonight. Bye.
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Full-time: Reading 3-0 Bradford City
There were three minutes of stoppage time. No one guessed correctly and so the prize stays with me.
90 min+1: “It, the fluky Henderson goal, was directly inspired by the introduction of the talismanic Gerrard,” notes my co-commentator, Art Durbano, who probably merits a cut of my fee based on his work tonight*. “Henderson, freed of the Onus of the Armband, came tearing down the center forward channel and used a lucky deflection to park his shot over Fabianski’s shoulder. Yes, Royals have been worth the money tonight, but Bradford hasn’t shown up, and I really did mean that last previous crack as a compliment to you. And I really got to start cooking. I’ve come over all peckish.”
*LEGAL GUARDIAN DISCLAIMER: Not that he’s getting one.
90 min: There’s a prize for anyone who can guess who much added time there is to play!
89 min: Yakubu on, Pogrebnyak off.
88 min: Oliver Norwood tries to make a name for himself by looking to score from 40 yards out. He’ll have to settle for Plain Old Oliver Norwood for now, though, because that wasn’t a good effort.
86 min: Reading make a change, Oliver Norwood on, Garath McCleary off. What makes parents call someone Garath instead of Gareth? You’ve not got long to come up with an answer to that very important question.
84 min: “Right after the idiot’s pitch invasion, what pops up on live update screen?” says Dylan Wilbanks. “An advert for Pampers. Not kidding.”
81 min: Apparently Jordan Henderson has scored a stunner for Liverpool. But surely it can’t beat what we’ve seen from Reading tonight.
79 min: McCleary crosses, Mackie heads, Williams saves easily.
75 min: This is the purest farce. An idiot has run on to the pitch, shirt off and all, and has made his way towards the Bradford end. The stewards stand around doing not very much at all, the man in charge of the sound system has an attack of the old sense of humours and turns on the circus music, and the idiot in question proceeds to perform a number of gymnastic moves in front of the visiting supporters. What an odd little episode. Eventually Shirtless Idiot is apprehended and bundled off. There’s one Reading fan who won’t be going to Wembley. But at least he’s got something to boast about to his mates mum.
74 min: Bradford make their third and final change, Billy Knott replaced by Matthew Dolan. You could say that it’s KNOTT been Bradford’s night. If you’d recently suffered a severe blow to the head, that is.
70 min: “Please don’t think I’m stalking you, but this game isn’t anywhere nearly as interesting as you’re making it seem, is it?” says Art Durbano. It’s 3-0! It’s definitely better than Swansea v Liverpool.
GOAL! Reading 3-0 Bradford City (Mackie, 68 min)
If there were any Bradford fans harbouring hopes of a comeback, they can forget about that now. This one is over. Chalobah wins the ball in the middle and slips a lovely pass through to Mackie, who takes the ball in his stride before hammering a wonderful low finish past Williams! Reading are heading to Wembley and their first FA Cup semi-final since 1927.
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66 min: Chalobah clips Liddle in the middle and escapes without a booking, Mike Jones in a mind to be lenient. That’s the cue for Phil Parkinson to stalk towards Steve Clarke. He’s in the mood for a heated debate, but Clarke isn’t, and Parkinson is ushered away by the fourth official.
66 min: Chalobah is back on. He’s being booed by the Bradford fans. Obviously.
64 min: A few water bottles have been chucked on to the pitch by the Bradford fans, who aren’t happy about Morais being sent off for kicking someone in the stomach. Mike Jones walks over and places the bottles by the side of the pitch. Let’s hope they’re going to be recycled. Let’s think of the planet, you guys.
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FILIPE MORAIS IS SENT OFF! BRADFORD ARE DOWN TO 10 MEN!
63 min: I fancy that Bradford’s cup adventure is coming to an end. Nathaniel Chalaboah wins an innocuous header and Filipe Morais does his best Nigel de Jong on Xabi Alonso impression, studding the Reading midfielder heftily in the stomach and leaving him in quite some pain. That’s one of the easier decisions Mike Jones will have to make for a while, you’d fancy.
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60 min: A few items have just been chucked on to the pitch by the Bradford fans.
59 min: The Bradford fans are still making plenty of noise. Is there any chance those representing them on the pitch are planning on giving them something more substantial to shout about? Well, Phil Parkinson has made those two substitutions in a bid to pep up his team, Billy Clarke and Mark Yeates replacing Andy Halliday and Jon Stead, whose run of scoring in every round of this year’s tournament is over.
57 min: Play is stopped so Hector can receive some treatment after taking a blow to the head from Hanson, who landed an elbow on it. A bit naughty from the Bradford striker, who goes unpunished.
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55 min: Pogrebnyak, who hasn’t scored in eight matches, blams a shot well over the top from 20 yards. Meanwhile Bradford are preparing to make two changes.
54 min: Nothing comes from the free-kick. “As a smug, drunk Red Sox fan (and a significantly less smug Sunderland fan), I can confirm that “Sweet Caroline” is as much an abomination at Fenway Park as it is as goal music,” says Stephen Gibb.
53 min: McCleary goes on another skilful wander down the right and has a clump taken out of him by James Meredith as a reward for his endeavour. Booking for Meredith, free-kick to Reading on the right.
51 min: McCleary charges down the right, causing the volume to rise several levels, but then he shins a witless cross out for a throw. Oh. Such promise, such waste.
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50 min: Bradford’s fans cheer ironically after their side is awarded a free-kick.
48 min: Did you know that
Everywhere we go
Everywhere we go
Everywhere we go
We’re the UNSPECIFIED BOYS
Making all the noise
Everywhere we go
Did you know that? Could it be that this chant is the new Sloop John B?
46 min: Let’s have some more football. “I’m a Reading fan, so I’m happy with the game right now,” says Dylan Wilbanks. “But “Sweet Caroline” is the Red Sox’ song. And I hate the Red Sox and their smug, drunk fans. So I’m really torn right now.” Not to mention that goal music is the worst crime you can commit.
HALF-TIME ENTERTAINMENT (THE FUNNIEST THING YOU WILL WATCH ALL WEEK).
Half-time: Reading 2-0 Bradford City
Mike Jones gives it a toot of his whistle to bring an end to the first half. Time for some more Sweet Caroline. And why not? The Reading fans are in celebratory mood all right. Their boys are closing in on the semi-finals thanks to goals from Robson-Kanu and McCleary. They’ve overwhelmed Bradford and Phil Parkinson has a job on his hands during the interval.
45 min+2: This may be Bradford’s best moment of the half. Halliday spins away from his man on the left and pokes a pass through to Knott, but his low ball into the six-yard box is snaffled by Federici.
45 min: We’ll have two minutes of added time.
44 min: Bradford had already scored against Chelsea by this point. Interpret that however you like.
41 min: McCleary almost scores a carbon copy of his first goal. Well, I say almost. He actually put the ball miles over with his left foot, but everything up until the shot was very similar.
40 min: Robson-Kanu slides a pass through the middle and Mackie is almost on to the ball, but there’s too much on it, allowing Williams to sweep up.
36 min: “When do you chaps go on Daylight Savings Time?” says Art Durbano. “This Jonjo Shelvey derby I’m watching while I monitor your game won’t end until 1800 my time. Means a late dinner for me. #humgerpangs.” Not until next weekend, Art. But don’t let that stop you from joining us for this thriller.
33 min: Mackie and Sheehan lock horns in the Bradford area a moment or two later. The ball is pumped towards Mackie, who’s flattened by a strong but fair challenge from Sheehan, who heads away. No penalty, despite Mackie’s plaintive appeals.
32 min: The game has suddenly become slightly bad-tempered. Sheehan challenges Mackie illegally as they go for a high ball and then rests his boots on the Reading striker’s head. Mackie isn’t impressed and nor is Mike Jones, who flashes his yellow card in Sheehan’s face.
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30 min: Danny Williams picks up a booking for giving the linesman a mouthful for not giving him a free-kick on the right. Do you ever look at Mike Jones and wonder if he has a stamp collection?
29 min: Emails please!
28 min: Nope, Nothing Happens, Mike Jones awarding Reading a free-kick once the corner is swung into the area. Billy Knott is booked for dissent. Bradford are not a happy team at the moment.
27 min: But maybe Something Will Happen here. Bradford have a corner on the right.
26 min: Nothing’s happening up front for Bradford.
24 min: The game is being played in Bradford’s half. Reading are the sharper side by a considerable distance.
22 min: Bradford’s Liddle isn’t too happy after Pogrebnyak wins a cheap free-kick in the middle for Reading. The wily old Russian used all of his old wiles.
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19 min: This is almost the third for Reading. With Halliday down in the middle, Reading’s William strides forward and unleashes a shot from 25 yards. The ball moves viciously through the air and Bradford’s Williams does brilliantly to push it away.
18 min: Nothing much has occurred in the past few minutes. Reading will be wary of Bradford’s famous never-say-die spirit, but they’ll surely be heading to Wembley if they maintain their focus. They haven’t put a foot wrong so far.
15 min: It’s a shame that Robbie Savage isn’t tonight’s co-commentator on the BBC. He’d be absolutely furious about a League One side being unable to cope with a Championship side. But maybe there’s something for Bradford here, as they win their first corner? Morais drifts it in from the left, towards the near post, but Reading deal with it comfortably.
13 min: Bradford’s responds with a lustily defiant chant of “Are you Chelsea in disguise?” Very good. They’re not giving up hope yet. There’s a long way to go. But their team can’t afford to let Reading score a third - and here’s a corner for the home side. Are Reading to profit from a set-piece again? No. Bradford get the ball away.
11 min: Phil Parkinson had a properly disgruntled look on his face after that goal. This has not gone according to plan for Bradford. They’re probably going to have to tear up their approach and start all over again.
GOAL! Reading 2-0 Bradford City (McCleary, 9 min)
Reading are in dreamland, but this is swiftly turning into a disaster for Bradford. Gareth McCleary, showing plenty of conviction, was allowed to amble into the area from the right and have try his luck with his left foot. The ball flicked off the lunging Andy Halliday and loops agonisingly over poor old Williams! As a treat, the Madejski Stadium is treated to the sound of Sweet Caroline. But of course.
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8 min: Bradford haven’t really got going yet, although they did fight back from 2-0 down at Chelsea, so they’ve got form for comebacks. And here’s a moment to perk their spirits up, Liddle hanging a cross towards the far post, Hanson pulling away from Pearce and nodding towards goal ... but too close to Federici.
GOAL! Reading 1-0 Bradford City (Robson-Kanu, 6 min)
A goal that the dad from the dad from Malcolm in the Middle/ a former Manchester United captain/ a Nigeria striker would have been proud of! McCleary swung the corner to the near post and there was Robson-Kanu to rise above Darby and plant a header towards the far corner, the ball spinning away from Williams’s grope. What a start for Reading! They’re merely 84 minutes away from Wembley.
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5 min: Now Mackie pops up on the left wing. He gaggles into the area and twists and turns in Mackien style, and Darby has to concede a corner. From which...
5 min: Hal Robson-Kanu - named after the dad from Malcolm in the Middle, a former Manchester United captain and a Nigeria striker - dashes down the left and hoicks a cross into the Bradford area. It’s headed away.
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4 min: Both managers are standing urgently in their technical areas. Bradford’s Phil Parkinson has just done some encouraging clapping, while Reading’s Steve Clarke has just done some shouting.
2 min: A fast start from the home side, McCleary slashing a wild effort well over the bar from 25 yards.
Bradford get the ball rolling. They’re kicking from right to left in the first half. Before kick-off, a loud goon was shouting into a microphone, ordering the Reading fans to “BE LOUD, BE PROUD AND, ABOVE ALL, MAKE SOME NOOOOOOOOOIIIIIISSSSSEEE!” Someone please remove his microphone privileges. It’s quite important that that happens.
And here come the players! Reading fans are holding blue and white scarves aloft; Bradford’s respond with some claret and amber stripes. The away end isn’t full yet, by the way. Some of the travelling fans have been held up in travel. You can bet that wouldn’t have happened if they’d played this match on a different day.
“13 Reading fans,” muses Mark Turner, the first emailer of the night. “The number of people spotted taking paperback novels into the ground.”
No Kindles?
On the teamsheet, it says 13 READING FANS. Is that meant to be the number of them who’ll be there tonight?
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The teams!
Reading: Federici; Gunter, Hector, Pearce, Obita; Williams, Chalobah; McCleary, Mackie, Robson-Kanu; Pogrebnyak. Subs: Norwood, Cox, Yakubu, Karacan, Blackman, Andersen, Cooper.
Bradford: Williams; Darby, McArdle, Sheehan, Meredith; Liddle, Morais, Knott, Halliday; Hanson, Stead. Subs: Dolan, Clarke, Zoko, Yeates, MacKenzie, Routis, Urwin.
Referee: Mike Jones (Cheshire)
Preamble
Hello. What better way to safeguard The Magic of The Cup™ than by hosting a big FA Cup quarter-final replay two days after a testing round of league fixtures? Once again, hats off to the suits for another scheduling masterclass; self-satisfied pats on the back all round. They’ve outdone themselves again. You can only marvel at the forward-planning.
At least the teams have recognised how big this is, acting accordingly with their team selections on the weekend. Steve Clarke is set to make multiple changes to the Reading side that lost 4-1 to Watford in the Championship on Saturday, while League One’s Bradford City made six changes for their 1-1 draw with Notts County.
Then again, perhaps these two sides deserve it after failing to provide much entertainment in the 0-0 draw at Valley Parade. Still, FA Cup quarter-final. The Madejski Stadium under the lights. A chance to take on Arsenal up for grabs. A place at Wembley at stake. Despite everything, could drama be on the cards?
We’ll be finding out if drama really is on the cards from: 7.45pm.
