Sober October is upon us, so a merry booze-less month to all of you who celebrate.
I, personally, don’t, but I can appreciate the sentiment. September is a celebration month for me, filled with football and Oktoberfests and delicious, malty beers. But on Sunday nights, after I’ve filed my last NFL story, I wind up craving a beer but have zero desire to once again tax my overworked liver or make Monday’s 6:30 AM wakeup any more difficult than it already is.
This is where Athletic Brewing Company comes in. The Connecticut-based company stood out amidst a crowded landscape by offering non-alcoholic offerings covering a wide variety of styles. Where before there may have only been Clausthaler or O’Douls, you now had the opportunity to find pale ales and stouts that carried lower calorie counts and virtually none of the booze.
That’s where I’ve been turning lately on those Sunday nights. It’s worked out well enough for me to make these rankings.
Athetic’s beers are graded on a curve; while they stack up well against traditional brews, they don’t quite get all the way there. And that’s all right, because in the land of non-alcoholic beers they mostly stand alone. As such, these grades consider both how true to the regular, booze styles they’re replicating are as well as the overall quality and taste of the beverage itself.
Also, the only brews to make the rankings are the ones I’ve personally tried and reviewed thus far. Expect this list to be updated as I expand my palate — and allow me to apologize if I haven’t gotten to your favorite yet.
10
Suped Up pre-workout brew: D
This pours lovely — a dark brown bordering on black and with a proper thickness you’d expect from a dark beer. But I don’t know if that’s a selling point for a pre-workout drink. My stance on those is typically that they get drank fast, not savored like a stout or a heavy porter. The head on top springs for about half an inch before dissipating. The smell is chocolate and coffee and breakfast malts right off the top. Like the pour itself, it’s pretty appealing.
The first sip is thinner than expected and hooooo, it’s much more acidic than you’d expect. The coffee involved comes through harshly, though it’s not overly bitter. Right behind it is that strong malty flavor you’ll recognize from most non-alcoholic beers. As is tradition, Athletic keeps that from becoming too cloying — the brewery’s strength is making NA beers that aren’t immediately identifiable as such. This holds true with Suped Up.
But man, I’m not entirely sure what Suped Up is. It’s trapped between a few different worlds, which makes sense because it’s trying to bridge the gap between coffee stout, non-alcoholic beer and pre-workout drink. It’s got a very distinct tang that makes me scrunch up my nose with each sip but the thing is … I don’t hate it. I keep going back for more.
This is raising concerns however. My stomach is used to coffee in the morning. But since drinking Suped Up there’s been some sounds emanating from my midsection that are … concerning. Like two feral cats have decided today was the day to fight inside a haunted house. I’m about halfway through my glass and willing to soldier on, but I would not be so keen if I were at an actual gym or simply around other people and not at home.
The brew tastes mostly the same as it warms up — the acids of that roasted coffee fighting with the malt. Still, there’s something that keeps me coming back. Welp, the can’s finished. Let’s give it a few minutes and see if I can notice a difference with my workout.
(one typical, someone’s-dad workout later)
OK, so the problem I have with pre-workout drinks is that, in general, they make me feel bad. Suped Up succeeds in that I feel bad, only in a very different way. I feel bloated and a little lethargic, which is very weird for a coffee-protein blend. Something like C4 makes me feel like I NEED to work out or else I’m never gonna get rid of those jitters. Suped Up moves in the opposite direction.
Fortunately, once I got going I had a fairly normal workout and felt good throughout. Were the extra couple reps I was able to tack on here and there the product of a dedicated pre-workout beverage? No idea! But my stomach calmed down and, 45 minutes later, I’m feeling pretty good.
Other than the toxic burps that make it seem like I’ve been pounding stouts at 10 am. That I could do without.
9
Geralt's Gold: B-
The first sip is complex. There’s hops up front, but then the bitterness gives way to a lager taste, which then gets washed out by … more hops. There’s a little bit of the organic, NA beer taste lurking under that surface, but for the most part this has IPA levels of bitterness. It’s a little disappointing from a helles angle, but it’s solid if you’re looking for a pale ale.
It’s not my favorite beer, but it’s an upper tier non-alcoholic offering. While the 65 calories is higher than you’d get from an NA hop water, it’s a useful enough beer replacement.
8
Run Wild IPA: B
There’s a certain hoppy tang that makes this a refreshing beer, even if you wouldn’t mistake it for the real thing. The underlying current of NA malt isn’t overpowering, and as usual Athletic does a good job making sure it doesn’t take center stage. Instead, you get a crisp ale that doesn’t quite scratch the itch of a hop-heavy IPA but still tastes refreshing.
The problem is, as it is for all NA brews, is that there’s a certain amount of fatigue that comes with the malty, extra organic, plant-y taste that comes with a boozeless beer. It’s not bad, it just takes some getting used to.
7
Cerveza Atletica: B+
There’s nothing in the pour to suggest this is an NA beer. There’s a nice copper color to the beer itself and a sticky, tan foam that rises about half an inch above the fray before settling in like the crush on a fresh baked pie. The smell betrays a little of the pumped-up hops endemic to non-alcoholic brews — it was especially prevalent in Clausthaler’s offerings, but less so here.
But while Clausthaler was kind of hollow and screwy, Athletic instead nails a full-bodied brew at 60 calories. The first sip is a malt-forward brew with balanced carbonation that doesn’t quite snap off each sip but doesn’t leave much room for a lingering aftertaste, either. The hops wafting off the head make a push for a nice, balanced beer that’s drinkable and familiar all in one.
The Cerveza Atletica is a crisp, faithful recreation of … well, not a Corona, because lord knows it clears that subterranean bar with ease, but for a Mexican style beer the big malt profile suggests it is something else entirely. This feels more European than south of our border, but that’s not a complaint. It’s bread-y and toasty but retains the crispness of a lager and remains easy to drink.
It loses some charm as it gets warm, revealing some corn-y notes and fading toward cheaper beer. But that’s OK; I’m very much into it. In fact, it makes me kinda sad I didn’t expand my horizons to some of their other offerings this time around.
6
Free Wave Hazy IPA: B+
Fair play: there’s enough fruity, danky flavor to scratch that hazy itch. While the citrus and hops aren’t quite the ticket to wash away the NA staleness (again, not an Athletic problem, just a non-alcoholic beer issue), they get pretty close to the real thing. It’s got a certain crispness that keeps you coming back even as it warms up.
5
Oktoberfest: B+
It pours nicely with an amber color and half-inch head. It doesn’t smell especially malty but there’s still a hint of that booze-free beer signature. It shows up in the first sip as well, but blends nicely with those cereal grains. The finish is a little more bitter than I’d like, but the overall impression is crisp and easy to drink.
The taste reminds me more of a traditional lager than a festbier, as though it’s pulling off a Heineken cosplay rather than a beer about four hours southeast. On that note, I’m a little bummed that I’m not getting more Spaten-Augustiner-Lowenbrau vibes, but I’m still enjoying it. The NA flavor is lowkey, and I could be tricked into thinking there’s a proper ABV here.
4
Lite: A-
It tastes crisp, and while it starts off with a little of that organic taste it’s quickly washed away by a bolt of malt. Maybe it’s because this is the easiest style to copy, but the aftertaste here is closer to the real thing than any other Athletic beer — or any other non-alcoholic beer — I’ve ever had. There’s even a little citrus at the end that makes everything crisp and clean.
3
All Out Extra Dark: A-
And yep, it’s a dark beer. It warms up the way a stout would, retaining a coolness in the middle but approaching lukewarm moments after being pulled from the fridge (this is a trademark Guiness move). But it’s not a slog to drink, as some stouts can be. The flavor starts light and builds as it slides to your esophagus, bringing a complexity some of Athletic’s other brews lack.
I’ll admit, I was worried after Suped Up attempted to mix dark beer and pre-workout credentials into one big dumb sloppy drink. But All Out it roasted goodness, lighter than you’d expect but with very little non-alcoholic beer taste. It’s not my favorite beer style, but it might be the one Athletic does best.
2
Upside Dawn Golden: A-
The good news is that it is wildly drinkable. What was supposed to be a taster sip turned out to be about one third of the can. That bitterness and carbonation snaps off each gulp with a satisfying crispness. The lager itself is dry and satisfying,
It’s not a complex style, but my experience with this and the Lite beer suggest Athletic is at its best when things are simple. There isn’t much to this. It tastes like beer. That’s probably the biggest compliment you can give a non-alcoholic brew.
1
Ready Front IPA: A-
The taste is bitter but clean, leaning into the hops and malt before snapping off with a crisp finish that’s appealing and just a little tart. Non-alcoholic IPAs can be very hit or miss, but this is true to its boozy inspiration, bringing a lot of flavor — though not in an especially complex fashion.
The non-alcoholic staleness that lingers through the field is only there if you’re looking for it. It’s not quite good enough to convince someone who’s been drinking a while that it’s the real thing, but it’s a more than passable trade-off. It’s bitter and easy to drink at the same time. A solid win.
