It's hard to be David Hasselhoff. The British tabloids make up obviously totally untrue stories about you being drunk when you were obviously - obviously - just having a bad reaction to, um, something that was totally not alcohol; you're the greatest singer in the world but, like Leni Riefenstahl, only the Germans seem to appreciate your talent (and yes, that may be a little tasteless but Hadley's Jewish so she's allowed to make the occasional Nazi joke), and you now owe your renewed career to Simon Cowell. Heavy burden indeed.
But not as heavy as the recent personal injustice. According to one of our favourite websites, pagesix.com, a scurrilous video has leaved onto the internet showing our Dave "rolling around shirtless [and trying] to eat a hamburger off the floor." But just who made this video? His 16year old daughter, who can be heard in the background pleading "Dad, you have to promise me you're not going to get alcohol tonight, OK? . . . You hear me? No alcohol!" And you thought Britney fought a lone battle in keeping the trailer trash lifestyle A list. David, a recovering alcoholic, has stepped forth to tell everyone to calm the heck down: yes, he did have a brief relapse, but the thing is, right, he asked his kids to film him everytime such a thing occurred so that he could "learn from it." Now, that's all right, isn't it? And when the Hasselhoff juniors are photographed in three years' time flashing their whoopsies in front of the Viper Lounge we'll all be able to trace the simple chronological trajectory.
