The big thing this month – apart from the passionate coupling of Jolene and Kenton – is that The Archers has pupped. As The Archers is 60 years old, Ambridge Extra is a happy, if embarrassing, event. It will be transmitted twice a week on digital radio (off you go to Argos) and, according to the scriptwriter, will just zip along, whereas its elderly parent moves with almost vegetable sloth, like a mighty marrow.
I fear it is intended to appeal to the younger element. Hands up anyone who wants to know more about Jamie's mates Marty and Steve or Alice's chums Chaz and Paulie. (Does no one have real names any more?) Yesterday they turned up, all pimples and alcopops, though curiously well spoken. Jamie, who is going through a bumpy adolescence, was being urged to steal from The Bull ("What's the point of living in a pub if you can't help yourself to the booze?") while Alice, off her head on tequila at a rave ("Oops-a-daisy! Whoo!"), was rescued from the lascivious Sean ("Oh, what are you doing?") by Chaz. In spite of the added alcohol, nothing much happened, which is what normally happens in Ambridge.
Meanwhile, back in the marrow patch, Kenton and Jolene are inextricably entwined ("Kenton! I'm ready!"). Elizabeth is poaching Roy from Grey Gables to run Lower Loxley. Which, it turns out, is actually Higher Loxley, as the length of Nigel's dying scream as he plummeted from the roof (allowing for acceleration and discounting wind resistance) indicates it must be as tall as York minster. This didn't come up at the inquest as the tender-hearted coroner was distracted by David's tears. David has become disturbingly morose recently: "We have to collect a sample of dung from every cow. It's just One Thing After Another." Happily, the heroic Ruth, though up to her neck in muck and bullocks, stays upbeat:"Standing around being miserable is not going to get the yard scraped."
Don't you just love these old country saws?
