Racing cheeses, spicy birthdays and a fun celebrity gatecrash – take the Thursday quiz

This puppy is anxious for you to do today’s quiz! Photograph: Andrey Maximenko/Alamy

The Thursday quiz has always been interested in fjords, not least since it was revealed in The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy that they were the design work of Slartibartfast. However, it is difficult to ask questions about them. What is the longest fjord? Well, where are you measuring from and how are you accounting for curves? How many fjords are there in Norway? Nobody has ever really added them all up, have they? And anyway, how big does an inlet have to be before it can be considered a fjord? So, no fjord questions this week. Instead, we have the usual: 15 questions on topical news, general knowledge and popular culture. There are no prizes, but let us know how you got on in the comments …

The Thursday quiz, No 212

1. 

   What is Britain's best service station, according to a Which? survey

   1. Tibshelf services

   2. Gloucester services

   3. Stirling services

   4. Woolley Edge services

2. 

   Which film won the Palme d'Or at the 2025 Cannes film festival (not pictured, that is the lovely Hyde Park Picture House in Leeds)?

   1. Sentimental Value by Joachim Trier

   2. The Mysterious Gaze of the Flamingo by Diego Céspedes

   3. It Was Just an Accident by Jafar Panahi

   4. Incessant Barking by a Very Naughty Miniature Dachshund

3. 

   Why has a judge in Argentina had to step down from the trial of Maradona's medical team?

   1. It emerged one of the defendants was her cousin

   2. It emerged that she was in a relationship with one of the defendant's lawyers

   3. It emerged she had been shooting a miniseries about the trial

   4. It emerged that she had punched the ball into the net during a crucial World Cup match, not that the Thursday quiz is still bitter nearly 39 years later

4. 

   Who surprised their fans by gatecrashing a night club event dedicated to them?

   1. Lorde crashed a Lorde night in Sydney, Australia

   2. Billie Eilish crashed a Billie Eilish night in New York

   3. Dua Lipa crashed a Dua Lipa night in Birmingham

   4. 30-50 feral hogs crashed a feral hogs night in Ashdown, Arkansas

5. 

   Early doors for Karl-Heinz with his opening lines today. This week the Thursday quiz imagines the German football legend would like to know which novel opens with "A SQUAT grey building of only thirty-four stories. Over the main entrance the words, CENTRAL LONDON HATCHERY AND CONDITIONING CENTRE"?

   1. Fahrenheit 451 by Ray Bradbury

   2. A Clockwork Orange by Anthony Burgess

   3. Brave New World by Aldous Huxley

   4. Doctor Who and the Dalek Invasion of Earth by Terrance Dicks

6. 

   This week's flags question is about Haiti. What are the two dominant colours of the flag of Haiti, making up the two bands on which the coat of arms appears in a white box?

   1. Red and yellow

   2. Red and green

   3. Red and orange

   4. Red and blue

7. 

   This is Willow, the official dog of the Guardian Thursday quiz. She heard that nearly 200 people dressed as Marilyn Monroe went for a charity swim at a fundraising event. Where?

   1. Australia

   2. South Africa

   3. Ireland

   4. Syldavia

8. 

   This is 'Elemental, my dear Watson!', as Sherlock Holmes definitely never said. According to the Royal Society of Chemistry website, which of these elements is a 'dark amorphous powder' in its pure form?

   1. Phosphorus

   2. Boron

   3. Chromium

   4. Sparksanium

9. 

   Here is farther or nearer with Geordie Alan Shearer. This week we imagine the England football legend wants to know, if he leaves his hometown of Newcastle upon Tyne, which is farther or nearer: Casablanca in Morocco or Berlin in Germany?

   1. Casablanca, Morocco, is nearer to Newcastle upon Tyne than Berlin, Germany

   2. Berlin, Germany, is nearer to Newcastle upon Tyne than Casablanca, Morocco

10. 

    It is the anniversary of the fall of Constantinople to Sultan Mehmed II, effectively ending the line from the Roman empire that had continued through Byzantine times in eastern Europe. In which year did it fall?

    1. 1253

    2. 1353

    3. 1453

    4. 1553

11. 

    Some fool of a Took has won the cheese wheel race held at Cooper’s Hill near Brockworth for the second year running. What type of cheese do they chase?

    1. An 8lb wheel of double gloucester

    2. An 8lb wheel of dorset drum

    3. An 8lb wheel of lincolnshire poacher

    4. A vile slice of American processed cheese

12. 

    How many times were there passes during the 78-lap Monaco Grand Prix at the weekend?

    1. None

    2. One

    3. Two

    4. 1,057

13. 

    It is Mel B's birthday today. Happy birthday, Mel! Spice up your life! But what does the B stand for?

    1. Brown

    2. Baker

    3. Booth

    4. Bowen

14. 

    Which football club definitely did not make themselves look thin-skinned by refusing to allow Gary Neville to commentate on their game at the weekend?

    1. Nottingham Forest

    2. Southampton

    3. Aston Villa

    4. Fulchester United

15. 

    And finally, how much has the water regulator, Ofwat, fined Thames Water?

    1. £23m

    2. £123m

    3. £223m

    4. £323m

Solutions

1:B - Gloucester services topped the list, with Bridgwater services ranked last. The Thursday quiz is generally of the opinion that on a road trip, when you gotta go, you gotta go, and any services will do, 2:C - The film was inspired by Panahi's stints of imprisonment at the hands of the Iranian government, 3:C - Chicken jockey your way out of that one, your honour, 4:A - The event, held at Mary’s Underground, was described as a celebration of 'our true Lorde and saviour'. Lorde snuck on to the dancefloor incognito and began shaking hands with fans before the crowd erupted in recognition. Absolute legend. The Thursday quiz confirms it would gatecrash a Thursday quiz disco night , 5:C - It was written in 1931 and published the next year, 6:D - The blue band is at the top, the red band at the bottom, and the coat of arms bears the legend 'L'Union fait la force' or 'Unity makes strength' in translation, 7:C - Sporting retro swimsuits and blond wigs, swimmers dressed as the film star took the plunge at Balcarrick beach in Donabate, County Dublin, for Marilyn’s Mater Paddle, 8:B - It was first isolated and 'discovered' by Louis-Joseph Gay-Lussac and Louis-Jacques Thénard in Paris, and Humphry Davy in London. Even in the Thursday quiz, when you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth …, 9:B - Berlin is much nearer to Alan Shearer's hometown, at 635 miles away, whereas Casablanca is about 1,500 miles aways away. Top bins!, 10:C - The fall of Constantinople is often viewed by western historians as marking the end of the medieval period and the beginning of the early modern period, 11:A - The German YouTuber Tom Kopke, 23, from Munich, was the winner of the first men’s downhill race, retaining the title he won last year, 12:C - Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz, 13:A - She was born Melanie Janine Brown. Zigazig ah!, 14:A - Embarrassing all round, really, 15:B - Money which will, presumably, now get added to the Thursday quiz's own water bill, which has already more than doubled this year.

Scores

1. 0 and above.

   We hope you had fun – let us know how you got on in the comments!

If you really do think there has been an egregious error in one of the questions or answers – and can show your working and are absolutely 100% positive you aren’t attempting to factcheck a joke – you can complain about it in the comments below. Why not watch Three by Hello Mary instead?

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