I’ve been receiving feedback from my readers — by which I mean my mother-in-law and my istriwallah, Marimuthu — that my columns are becoming too cynical for my own good. And perhaps I need to find a guru/life coach who will correct my faulty thinking and make me see the good around me.
I can’t thank both of them enough for pointing me in the direction of His Divine Wiseness Dr Funky Astral Kumar. Because I am a changed man. I see the light. And I want to start 2021 on a positive note by sharing some of my teacher’s best quotes and atone for the sins of my previous columns.
Pleasure and Pain
Whatever brings you great pleasure can also bring you great pain. Like flaky Malabar parotta. Or slim-fit pants. Or eating the former while wearing the latter.
Others
Nothing in the world can bring you down as much as your own mind. You think others are bringing you down, but there are no others, it is your own mind. Sometimes, of course, it could be that fellow Nehru.
Limits
If you think you are big, you become small. If you accept you are nothing, you become everything. If you think you are Medium, you are most likely XXL.
Indecision
In the Gita, Lord Krishna says the worst crime in the world is indecision. Indigestion is a close second, says Kumbhakarna, though not in the Gita.
Listening
Listen to others; yet do not listen. If your mind gets stuck in their problems, not only are they miserable but you become miserable, too. Unless you are in a bar. And they are paying. Then you order an 18-year-old single malt and say, ‘Tell me more.’
Joy and Truth
Deep inside your gut are truth, light, love and joy. That is why you need to do an endoscopy from time to time.
Past and Present
Don’t waste today over what happened yesterday. Wait till tomorrow and think of day-before-yesterday. Or the other way round if you have a time machine.
Success
The only time you fail is when you fall down and stay down. True success is getting up and running away from the problem.
Privilege
When you arise in the morning think of what a privilege it is to be alive, to think, to enjoy, to love and to have someone to blame.
Being Human
We are not human beings having a spiritual experience. We are not spiritual beings having a human inexperience. We are Neanderthals who have lost our fur.
Meaning
Life is far beyond meaning. Life is beyond meaning and that’s why it is so beautiful. That’s why we don’t know what covfefe means.
Awakening
Awakening is not changing who you are, but discarding who you are not. But for that, the isabgol has to work.
Retreat
Within you there is a stillness and a sanctuary to which you can retreat at any time and be yourself. But if you want to see Disha Patani, you have to go to Maldives.
Laughter
Fools laugh at others. Wisdom laughs at itself. Archana Puran Singh laughs at everything.
The Unknown
A single event can awaken within us a stranger totally unknown to us. That is why you never mix gin with whisky.
Universe
Relax into the moment and let the universe do the driving. But make sure your insurance is up to date.
Relaxation
If you are in the obituary page, it means you can relax.
Krishna Shastri Devulapalli is a satirist. He has written four books and edited an anthology.
