Quiz: would you survive an 80s horror movie?

Who’s that knocking at the door?

The 80s was an innocent time, long before the birth of the Human Centipede and irony. The corpse count rose, death was just a temporary condition and killers had simple motives, such as: “I like things best when they’ve been stabbed.” As anyone who has ever studied the dos and don’ts of classic horror films knows, surviving a psycho’s spree was technically possible, albeit very unlikely. But would you have been one of the lucky ones? Read on to find out...

1. You are a:

   1. Boy

   2. Girl

   3. Other

2. All of your best friends are heading off for a picnic and a night of camping in the nearby woods. Do you:

   1. Decide to go to the prom instead?

   2. Stay home and watch TV in your nice new build home?

   3. Sling on a pack and join them?

3. You decide to bring:

   1. Hiking kit and a snuggly warm sleeping bag?

   2. Your favourite childhood teddy bear?

   3. Seven medieval silver daggers?

4. The cool kids crack open the vodka, chug a few beers and spark up a doobie. Do you:

   1. Party like it’s 1989?

   2. Refuse to join them and head off into the woods to have some alone time?

   3. Offer your lager to the awkward and universally unpopular kid?

5. You stumble across an abandoned log cabin covered with warnings scrawled in what appears to be human blood. You decide to stay the night and split up to search the area. Do you:

   1. Go up front with the strong, powerful athletic types?

   2. Hang at the back with the bullies?

   3. Stay in the cabin and set booby traps with the nerds?

6. In the garage you find a beautiful shiny red 1950s sports car gleaming. Do you:

   1. Take this baby for a ride?

   2. Slam the garage door and run, run for your life?

   3. Attack the car with pickaxes, angle grinders and fire?

7. Your beloved partner is swept up by the romance of the wilderness and can barely keep his/her hands off you. Do you:

   1. Sneak off into the woods behind the cabin for a little sweet love?

   2. Renounce their carnal lusts, kneel and pray?

   3. Suggest you read that weird old book instead?

8. Your beloved partner is spooked by a noise during your lovemaking. Do you:

   1. Reassure them no one’s there and check the bushes to prove it?

   2. Let them go check it out?

   3. Ignore them and carry on making that sweet music?

9. You stumble across your beloved partner sprawled on the floor covered in blood. They groan and raise their eyes. Do you:

   1. Rush to help them to their feet, telling them it’s all OK now?

   2. Run, run for your life?

   3. Pick up a shovel and hack their head off?

10. Three groups of strangers arrive at the door of your shattered cabin. Which ones do you let in?

    1. The hockey mom with her son, fresh from a game and scared as hell?

    2. A team of experienced scientists protected by a squad of infantry?

    3. A crazy, hairy, wild-eyed madman covered in dirt?

11. With the help of a killer surfer monk, your tiny band of survivors takes the battle to the monster. You kit up for war. Do you take:

    1. That revolver?

    2. That powerful electrical stun gun?

    3. That extremely heavy, petrol-powered and hard-to-wield chainsaw?

12. Using a combination of chainsaws, knives, fatal falls from unfeasibly high places and industrial meat mincing machinery, the killer’s body is reduced to a small cup of blood. Do you:

    1. Take a quick look?

    2. Run, run for your life?

    3. Kill him again just to be sure?

13. You made it! Thanks to your cunning, ingenuity and the grisly death of the monk dude, you’re on your way into Hometown. Do you:

    1. Rush to tell the authorities?

    2. Take a well-earned nap?

    3. Booby trap the house and meditate?

Solutions

1:B - If you’re lucky you’ll be the Final Girl, and will ultimately defeat whatever evil awaits – until it leaps out at you again in the final two seconds., 2:C - You’re probably dead., 3:C - You show promise …, 4:C - Smart move. For that one act of kindness, the awkward and unpopular kid will literally commit suicide to save you, hurling themselves to certain and painful death just to buy you five minutes., 5:C - Provided you don’t let anyone fall asleep, read, open anything or switch on the TV you might make it through the next 10 minutes., 6:C - Geronimo! The garage floor is covered in shattered glass and fragments of metal. You did it. But wait … isn’t that bent piece of grille slowly beginning to straighten…?, 7:C - Toss a coin. Heads, you summon the devil. Tails, you dismiss the devil. Neither heads nor tails, a void opens up beneath you leading back to the Crusades, where you are hailed as the saviour according to an ancient prophecy., 8:B - Well done, you're prepared to make the tough decisions to survive – but your partner is dead., 9:C - You’re starting to get the hang of this., 10:C - Well “ni hao” there, stranger. The scary madman dude has trained in killing and the occult with some wise old Chinese monks. He’s here to kick ass and chew gum, and he’s all out of gum., 11:C - Yep. In the face of reason and sanity, that’s the bunny., 12:C - And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. There’s at least ten of these to get through… And again. And again. And again. And again. And again…, 13:C - You coax razor-gloved serial killer Freddie Krueger out of the dream world and into the real world where you kill him by ignoring him. D’oh! Why didn’t you think of that before? Although wait … what’s that noise…?

Scores

If you scored 0-4: Sorry, you didn’t make it out alive. Have you ever seen a scary movie?
If you scored 5-7: Some early promise, but not much hope. You’d be axed in the first half hour.
If you scored 8-10: You came so close, only to stumble at the last blood-splattered hurdle.
If you scored 11-13: You’re alive! Why not go and see if you can survive IT now?

IT is released in cinemas 8 September. © 2017 Warner Bros. Entertainment. All rights reserved.