What a long, strange year it’s been. 2017 has been characterised by a combination of propaganda-driven fake news, deliberately silly satirical news and genuine, but scarcely credible real events, all merging into a discombobulating mélange of contradictory information.
But can you remember the important details of these entirely real stories that briefly bubbled to the surface of this year’s casserole of news and nonsense?
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In the UK, there’s a property crisis that’s driven by (depending on which newspaper you read) either buy-to-let landlords or avocado enthusiasts. In the US, it’s a very different story. They’re selling off entire towns. But which one of these was not offered for sale in 2017?
Tiller, Oregon ($3.5m)
Bedford Falls, New York State ($3.18m)
Reduction, Pennsylvania ($1.5m)
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Prime minister Theresa May doesn’t immediately radiate fun. But, believe us, she can let her hair down when the occasion demands, running through a field of wheat with the best of them. But which of these wild indulgences did she give up for Lent in 2017?
Crisps
Haribo Starmix
Baileys Irish Cream
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There are several contenders for the title of 2017’s word of the year. Trumpian neologism “covfefe” was an early favourite, but “fatberg” is probably the one that future historians will end up using most. How big was the record-breaking concatenation of wet wipes, condoms and miscellaneous horror under Whitechapel, east London, which necessitated a nine-week cleanup operation in September?
25 metres, 13 tonnes
250 metres, 130 tonnes
A metric Boris Johnson-worth
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There is a lot of plastic in the Earth’s oceans – in the region of 8m tonnes ends up in the sea every year. Twenty years from now the Pacific Ocean will probably be a massive ball pool. Great news for frazzled parents in the Honolulu branch of Ikea – bad news for fish. Tops Day Nurseries, a 19-branch chain of daycare centres across the south of England, has taken steps to prevent plastics finding their way into watercourses. How did it do it?
It's insisting on a return to leather footballs in the playground
It has launched a campaign against vinyl records
It's stopped using glitter in the nurseries
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What the Trump White House has lacked in dignity or probity it has more than made up for in brevity. Brevity of employment that is. Sean Spicer lasted 182 days, Reince Priebus made it to 189. Best of all, though, was Anthony Scaramucci; a Veep character made flesh. Two of the following quotes are genuine utterances from the Mooch’s 11 days as White House communications director and one is from Armando Iannucci’s political satire. Can you spot the ringer?
“I’m not Steve Bannon, I’m not trying to suck my own cock … I’m not trying to build my own brand off the fucking strength of the president. I’m here to serve the country.”
"If you can get a Senate reform bill through the place it's designed to reform … that would be like persuading a guy to fist himself."
“Reince is a fucking paranoid schizophrenic, a paranoiac ... ‘Oh, Bill Shine is coming in. Let me leak the fucking thing and see if I can cock-block these people the way I cock-blocked Scaramucci for six months.’”
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To sport, now, and the world of tennis. The match between Mitchell Krueger and Frances Tiafoe at the Sarasota Open in Florida in April of this year was briefly interrupted. But by what?
An impromptu crowd singalong led by Sir Cliff Richard
A swarm of locusts
Loud and extremely appreciative sex noises from a nearby apartment
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Sports personalities are more often known for their athletic prowess than their brainpower. But which terrible decision led to Welsh rugby player Scott Baldwin missing Ospreys' fixture against Bloemfontein’s Cheetahs in September?
He got into a fight on a stag do while dressed as a netball player
He tried to pat a lion on the head and got bitten
He hired a light aircraft and left the vapour-trail outline of a penis in the sky above Cape Town
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One of the biggest cheers President Donald Trump received from supporters watching his inaugural address in January was his call to “buy American and hire American”. So where were the president’s signature “Make America Great Again” baseball caps, which were on sale at the inauguration, actually made?
Iowa, Michigan and Illinois
Mexico, Cuba and Panama
China, Vietnam and Bangladesh
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Robert Mugabe’s 30-year term as Zimbabwe’s president ended in farce at the end of November with one and a half resignations. His time in the top job was marked by runaway inflation. Which of the following is the southern African republic’s highest-ever denomination banknote?
Z$100,000,000,000,000
Z$1,000,000
Z$1,000
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The UK, riven by division over the Brexit referendum, was briefly united in condemnation of some especially offensive social media activity on the part of President Trump last month. The Donald retweeted some lies told by a far-right fringe group as if they were fact. But what was the name of the outfit behind the original posts?
Britain First
Brian First
Brain Force Plus
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In October this year, French president Emmanuel Macron greeted Niger’s president, Mahamadou Issoufou, at the Élysée Palace. But why was their photocall in president Macron’s office interrupted?
A group of topless protesters briefly gained access to the secure area, to the delight of the tabloid journalists present
A French detective, convinced that President Issoufou was an impostor, tried to unmask him
President Macron’s dog had a lovely long wee against the gilded ornamental fireplace
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There probably won’t be a repeat of this quiz at the end of 2018. The war of playground insults between the eccentrically coiffed leaders of the US and North Korea shows every sign of escalating into a nuclear exchange long before that. But what is Donald Trump’s favourite epithet for the Butterball of Pyongyang?
Little Madman Across the Water
Little Rocket Man
Little Tiny Dancer
Solutions
1:B, 2:A, 3:B, 4:C, 5:B, 6:C, 7:B, 8:C, 9:A, 10:A, 11:C, 12:B
