Quiz: do you know who writes the Queen's speech?

Black Rod, Queen and a corgi Illustration: Guardian Design

Depending on where you stand politically, today is either one of those marvellous occasions that shows off the pomp and circumstance of the British constitution to its greatest effect, or an absolutely embarrassing sham of what a democracy should look like. Either way, how much do you know about what happens at the state opening of parliament? Take our quiz to find out whether you could be Black Rod, or whether you’d be getting yourself into the Queen’s black book.

The Guardian’s pomp and circumstance quiz

1. 

   When did we last have a state opening of parliament?

   1. 23 November 2018

   2. 23 June 2019

   3. 14 October 2019

   4. 19 October 2019

2. Which ceremonial elements will be missing from today's event?

   1. Horse-drawn carriages

   2. Ceremonial robes and crown

   3. Admiral of the Fleet naval uniform

   4. All of the above

3. Where does the Queen arrive at parliament?

   1. Cromwell Green

   2. Sovereign's Entrance

   3. St Stephen's Entrance

   4. Cannon Row

4. Who writes the Queen's speech?

   1. The Queen

   2. The privy council

   3. Black Rod

   4. The government

5. When Black Rod arrives at the House of Commons Chamber, the door is shut in front of her. What happens next?

   1. Black Rod goes back to the House of Lords defeated

   2. Black Rod shouts "Open up in the name of the Queen!"

   3. Black Rod knocks on the door three times with their ebony staff

   4. Dennis Skinner makes a funny quip

6. 

   Who actually is the current Black Rod?

   1. Sarah Clarke

   2. Lady Cassandra O'Brien

   3. Sally Longster

   4. Dame Clarissa Wilson-Leary

7. Which bill is traditionally the first presented in the house of commons after the Queen's speech has finished?

   1. The Outlawries Bill

   2. The Select Vestries Bill

   3. The Queen's Speech Bill

   4. The Speaker (Election) Bill

8. The Commons responds officially to the Queen's speech with what?

   1. The Queen's Speech bill

   2. The Humble Address

   3. A letter written by the Chancellor of the Duchy of Lancaster on vellum

   4. A gift of 15 pheasants from the parliamentary estates

9. When was the last time that the Queen failed to appear at the state opening of parliament?

   1. 1985

   2. 1974

   3. 1963

   4. 1959

10. 

    Before the Queen arrives, who searches the cellars of parliament to check there will not be a repeat of the 1605 gunpowder plot?

    1. The privy council

    2. The government whips

    3. The National Counter Terrorism Security Office

    4. The Yeomen of the Guard

11. True or false - an MP is ceremonially held hostage in Buckingham Palace while the Queen is at parliament, to ensure her safe return?

    1. True

    2. False

12. 

    Why does this one bloke always look so grumpy during the ceremony?

    1. Because the hat has got a nice comfy cushion to sit on, and he has to stand up all the way through the ten minute speech

    2. No, that's the right answer. Choose option A

Solutions

1:C - Yes, just over two months ago. We know. It seems difficult to believe it has only been a few weeks since prime minister Boris Johnson prorogued parliament, then recalled parliament when that was found to be illegal, then prorogued it again so that he could have a Queen's speech announcing a slate of legislation, then called a general election and scrapped it all. , 2:D - We're not saying that the monarch is unamused about being dragged out to do this twice in the space of a few weeks, but according to the parliament.uk website all of these elements will be missing today because of the "unique circumstances of the general election and the proximity to Christmas", which sounds like a diplomatic way to say "Don't take the piss. We are phoning this one in.", 3:B - Yes, the Queen has her own personal entrance to the palace of Westminster. Handy that, eh?, 4:D - "The government" write the speech. It normally lists the bills they are planning to present during the parliamentary session, although there is nothing that obliges them to stick to the list. The Queen doesn't get a say in what she is going to read out, although she can pull a slightly frowny face if they are planning something she isn't keen on, 5:C - This is all supposed to symbolise that the Commons is independent from the monarch. And Dennis Skinner won't be making any quips in the chamber this year, he lost his seat in the election last week. Odds on that at least one wacky MP will shout something out in his place though, trying to be the new Skinner, and that this will become a tradition that is part of the British Constitution and by 2150 is called "Quipping The Skinner" or something equally ridiculous, 6:A - Sarah Clarke assumed the role in February 2018 and is the first woman to hold the office, which dates back to the 1360s, 7:A - In another symbolic representation that the commons is independent of the monarch, the first bill they present is traditionally The Outlawries Bill, which has not been included in the Queen's speech. The bill never progresses further than this reading. In the Lords they do a similar thing, but with the Select Vestries Bill, 8:B - Like a glorified best man's speech, the humble address appears to be absolutely hilarious to MPs in the chamber, but quite perplexing to anyone who hasn't been involved in any of the in-jokes going round the bars in the Commons for the previous five years, 9:C - The Queen did not attend in 1963, when she was pregnant with Prince Edward. Instead the Speech was read by one of the Lords Commissioners, 10:D - The monarch's body guards do this. To be honest there's only been one instance of gunpowder being hidden under parliament in the last 414 years so it seems like overkill but then we guess you can't be too careful these days, 11:A - It's true. The ritual dates from the time of Charles I, who didn't exactly have a great time with his parliaments. Possibly this year they could kidnap someone like Philip Davies or John Redwood and keep them? Just a thought, 12:A - It was more of a comment than a question really

Scores

1. 7 and above.

   Well done. You are clearly a constitutional expert

2. 4 and above.

   Not bad, but could do better. The Queen is not amused

3. 0 and above.

   Poor effort. Off to the tower with you

4. 10 and above.

   Great job. You should apply to be the next Black Rod