ICELAND GO BANANAS
Let it not be said that the Icelandic don’t know how to celebrate. But in a nation where duty on alcohol is so high as to make the traditional Champagne-spray absurdly profligate even by the standards of modern-day football, they have had to find novel ways of doing so – even, it seems, when in the somewhat more liberal environs of Amsterdam.
A video posted on Facebook by the former international footballer turned youth-targeting novelist Thorgrimur Thrainsson showed the team enjoying last night’s victory over Holland in their dressing room. Instead of uncorking sparkling wine and decorating the walls with it, they take everything back a few steps – not by using still wine, nor even humble grape juice, but by carefully removing the lids from a large box of actual grapes and then, in a moment of wild abandon, sending them flying. If Stu Francis (kids, ask your grandad) ruled the world, this is what all celebrations would look like. A bowl of apples receives similar treatment. Amid the mayhem, some rather literal-minded team members go bananas with actual bananas.
“It was an indescribable feeling of victory in the dressing-room,” whooped striker Alfred Finnbogason. “We celebrated well and deeply.”
Iceland, a nation with a population slightly smaller than that of Leicester, came within a whisker of reaching the 2014 World Cup, and now they will qualify for Euro 2016 if they beat Kazakhstan (whose only away win in a European Championship qualifier came in Armenia eight years ago, since when they have drawn one and lost eight) in Reykjavik on Sunday.
Even among a population whose last, and indeed only, fleeting period of believing they were able to compete on a global scale at anything other than the large-scale collection of cod ended with one of humanity’s greatest and most humiliating banking crises, this is a cause for unbridled celebration.
Amid the euphoria, Eidur Gudjohnsen was asked how the squad would follow their grape-tossing madness. “For us, little Iceland, this is of course spectacular,” he said. “Now we’ll go back to the hotel and take a look at the statistics.” Wild times. The cuddly, huggable, geothermal bath-boasting underdogs showed they have not just an iron will but a cruel streak, however. Goalscorer Gylfi Sigurdsson admitted that the post-goal melee had not been his only celebration of the evening, telling Morgunbladid that “it was a pleasant feeling to see Arjen Robben go off injured”. Kolbeinn Sigthorsson, meanwhile, said of the red-carded Bruno Martins Indi that “I knew he is the type of player who does really stupid things” (to be fair Robben, the Dutch captain, agreed on this one, admitting of his team-mate’s tackle that “I can’t say anything other than that this is very stupid”).
And so, then, to Reykjavik. “It will be really something to come back home now,” said the goalkeeper, Hannes Thor Halldorsson. “Now we just need to finish this off on Sunday. It will be one of the greatest parties ever held in our country if we do it.”
Quick, hide the fruit bowl. As for the Dutch, well, at least they can afford to drown their sorrows. In Holland at the moment they could use a hankie. In Iceland they could rip a tissue (kids, ask your grandad again).
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QUOTE OF THE DAY
“It’s totally different in England, it rains a lot. In Portugal you can stroll in the afternoon, with the heat, we can be out until eight in the evening. In England, at three in the afternoon it’s raining, it’s too dark, we have to stay home and turn on the light” – sounds like Eliaquim Mangala is enjoying life in Manchester. He should be safely tucked up in bed by 8pm anyway, shouldn’t he? Honestly, these modern footballers are out of control.
FIVER LETTERS
“As a Spurs fan I very much enjoyed yesterday’s Fiver (making it a nice change) as it raged over the many flaws of Arsenal being as Arsenal can be and what a comedy of errors they are. The only down side is to now sit through nine months of Tottenham being as only Tottenham can be and contrive to finish below them – again! – despite numerous opportunities to finally better them and end up blaming it on a dodgy lasagne or more likely this year a dodgy defensive midfielder. Using the term defensive midfielder in a fairly loose sense” – Graham Haslam.
“There is no possible reason for such a wanton misunderstanding of the word tertiary, as used by Derby chief suit, other than to bait pedants. Yes yes, I know, I bit, along with 1,056 others no doubt. But, be a sport, own up, like Arsène will when his season collapses into a dull, toothless midfield keep-ball routine” – Patrick Lamont (and, um, no others).
“An advert for Big Paper’s rugby guide? Welcome to Eton-Boating-Song-Drink-a-Pint of-Protein-Aftershave Fiver” – Darren Leathley.
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THIS WEEKEND IN YOUR SUPER SOARAWAY BIG SUNDAY PAPER …
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BITS AND BOBS
It wasn’t iffy paperwork or a fax on the fritz that prevented David de Gea’s move to Real Madrid going through, but Manchester United’s naivety. That’s according to Real chief suit Florentino Pérez, anyway. “I think what they lack is experience,” Pérez finger-wagged. “I don’t want to blame anyone but it took eight hours,” he continued, very much appearing to blame someone.
Dithering at Old Trafford seems to be a theme where transfers are concerned, as Pedro has cited their umming and ahhing as the reason behind choosing Chelsea over Manchester United, rather than them being mean to Víctor Valdés. “It’s true that I don’t like that treatment for my colleagues, especially for Victor,” he shrugged. “I just saw that Manchester didn’t take that move forward, that they were taking too long. Chelsea were more decisive.
Despite taking advice from Wayne Rooney, Harry Kane isn’t concerned about his goalless start to the season. “Some strikers go down a bad path and lose their confidence but not me,” he roared.
Oof! Poor old Tyrone Mings will be out for the season after suffering a pretty serious bout of knee-knack for Bournemouth against Leicester last weekend.
Liverpool have done their bit to improve relations with their fans by proposing that anyone wishing to take a banner into Anfield must have the correct papers. Anyone wishing to take one of those flags with pictures of trophies they won ages ago on them could be made to sign a register and wear accreditation badges. “The club remains committed to maintaining the unique atmosphere at Anfield which these flags and banner all contribute to,” parped a club suit.
Lord Herman Ouseley, the chairman of Kick It Out, has warned David Cameron and all his politician chums to be careful about their use of language, after a 21% increase in the reports of racial abuse at football grounds was reported. “David Cameron, and all politicians and public figures, have a duty to give leadership on how they speak about these issues, otherwise hatred will explode,” Ouseley said.
In rather more heartening news, English supporters’ groups are set to follow the example of their German brethren by taking ‘Refugees Welcome’ banners into grounds. They’ll need a permit for that at Anfield, of course.
And defenders everywhere can breathe a sigh of relief after Kevin Davies announced he would be retiring his sharp elbows after 22 years in the game.
STILL WANT MORE?
Ian Wright. He was good, wasn’t he? Luckily Rob Smyth took a little more time to explain why he was good in this Golden Goal.
Wales being above England in the Fifa rankings might have caused some eyebrows to furrow, but not as much as Romania’s wizened old veterans being seventh. Floating football brain in a box Jonathan Wilson stocked up on Werther’s Originals and investigated.
Wondering why Crystal Palace are suddenly quite good? Wonder no more. Well, wonder no more after reading this article by Richard Foster.
You are the Ref. Well, you’re not. Probably. Unless you’re Mark Clattenburg or Michael Oliver. Still, you can pretend to be in this edition of the cunningly named ‘You are the Ref’, featuring David Silva.
Oh, and if it’s your thing … you can follow Big Website on Big Social FaceSpace.
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