Inspirational... A-ha received an award for being a profound influence on the careers of the likes of Ace of Bass and Aqua. Photograph: Gareth Cattermole/Getty
Are you as confused by the Q Awards as I am? Having just taken in the full list of winners, I'm left wondering by what process the magazine came up with these disparate-yet-actually-identical categories: Outstanding contribution, Icon, Idol, Legend, Merit, Inspiration, Band of Bands, Groundbreaker, Lifetime Achievement, Best act in the world and Outstanding performance? Read those again, and ponder: what's the difference between an icon and an idol? How do you tell a legend from an inspiration? What, by the quivering ringlets of "icon" Jeff Lynne, does any of it mean?
The answer is in the winners' list. Out of 20 awards, 16 went to artists who made their first album at least 10 years ago. Some, such as Smokey Robinson and The Who, have been operating since the 60s, and the 70s and 80s are very well represented. Basically, the magazine plumped for the bands its staff loved in their youth - which is fair enough, because if Q are going to spend a small fortune organising a fancy awards do, they have the right to give the awards to whomever they bloody well please.
The funny bit is the way categories seem to have been invented to accommodate the staff's choices. How else to get Take That in but to give them an Idol award? Another good example is Band of Bands, which went to U2 - these perennial Q page-fillers had already won awards such as best album and best band in years past, so the magazine conjured up a brand-new gong, so Bono's boys wouldn't go home empty-handed.
The line should have been drawn, though, at giving prizes to groups who are currently "resting" (what have Oasis or the Manic Street Preachers done this year to deserve their gongs?) or, even, irrelevant. The latter applies to A-ha, the inexplicable recipients of the Inspiration award, and Culture Club's Karma Chameleon, which was named Classic song. Karma Chameleon?
This decision can only have been governed by some Q writer's adolescent memories of how foxy drummer Jon Moss looked playing a cardsharp in the video. Why on earth else would the song have been excavated? Unless... well, is it possible that Q noticed that Boy George has been in the news recently, and thought that by being proffered a random award, he could be enticed to show his newsworthy face at the ceremony? I refuse to believe it.
