Quote of the week
Vladimir Putin – welcoming the football family to “an open, hospitable and friendly country” while police were arresting Peter Tatchell near the Kremlin for carrying a pro-LGBT sign. Set the tone neatly.
Player of the week
A solid start from Cristiano Ronaldo – scoring three from four shots, and mocking David de Gea’s beard with a treat for British fans of a certain age: a rarely seen 1980s’ playground Jimmy Hill/Chinny Reckon goal celebration.
Goals of the week
Nacho against Portugal, Ronaldo’s free-kick, Denis Cheryshev’s double on day one, Sergio Agüero against Iceland. But none of them matched the audacity of Aziz Bouhaddouz’s 95th-minute diving header clearance for Morocco, which duly rasped into his own net. The stuff of nightmares.
Dramatist of the week
Was Uruguay’s Luis Suárez – nailing a rare double dive in their win over Egypt: going to ground waving, bouncing up into Ahmed Hegazi’s groin, then going down waving again. Plenty more to come from him.
Freeze-frame of the week
The expression on Lee Dixon’s face when Mark Pougatch asked him to analyse Russia 2018’s geopolitical backdrop for ITV on day one. He went with: “Everyone is aware of what’s going on. But now it’s football’s time.”
Best-observed tradition
An ITV apology for an advert mix-up: a big part of any football showpiece. They got in early this year after mistakenly running ads over the first 30 seconds of Russia v Saudi Arabia online. It lacked the comic timing of 2010’s effort, though: a Hyundai ad played in place of England’s opening World Cup goal.
Best new unit of measurement
Came from ITV’s Argentina v Iceland commentator Sam Matterface, getting Twitter worked up with his introduction for sub Cristian Pavón: “He’s only 5ft 5in tall, which is the same height as Kirsten Dunst, or Mel from Mel and Sue.”
Anticipation of the week
Was the wait for Jonathan Pearce’s first encounter with VAR, following his 2014 battle with goal‑line technology. His opening week highlight was this response to Suárez scuffing the ball wide against Egypt on Friday: “1-0 Uruguay! No! The referee’s disallowed it!”
Lawsuit of the week
As threatened by Saudi Arabia’s General Sports Authority: a pledge of “necessary legal action” against BeIn Sports over the “one-sided” coverage of their 5-0 defeat. Officials said pundits were unduly political and positive towards Russia. “This [justifies our] banning this network from our soil.”
Coup of the week
São Paulo-based broadcaster VTV, signing ex-Brazil president Luiz Inácio Lula da Silva as star match analyst. VTV say Lula – jailed for 12 years for corruption in April – “will write down his impressions” in his cell, “then we will put them on the screen”.
Pose of the week
England’s squad, modelling their official £264 M&S World Cup merino wool suits featuring “patriotic red, white and blue trim”, which, it later turned out, were manufactured in Cambodia. M&S denied it clouded the message. “It allows us to offer our customers the best value for money.”
Clip of the week
Was this viral footage: Uruguayan schoolchildren bursting out of their classroom after José María Giménez’s late winner.
This is the best video you’ll see today. School kids in Uruguay reacting to their late winner. More than a game. 😍🇺🇾 #WorldCup pic.twitter.com/wvWh3fUUcG
— Krowd9 | 2018 World Cup 🏆 (@Krowd9) June 16, 2018
Reflexes of the week
Were displayed by Poland’s Michal Pazdan – reacting to a TV lighting stand falling towards the journalist who was interviewing him by kicking it to safety before it could hit her. More grist for his “Kung Fu Pazdan” nickname.
Najlepszy obrońca w kraju. Nie mam wątpliwości. KungFuPazdan.#myhero 💜🦅⚽️ „Orły Nawałki” - sobota, TVP1, 18:55. @sport_tvppl @TVP pic.twitter.com/LM9XvZarMm
— Sylwia Dekiert (@SylwiaDekiert) June 7, 2018
Eye roll of the week
Iceland coach Heimir Hallgrímsson – showing the first signs of growing tired of being asked the same question. “Yes, I am still a dentist. I will never stop being a dentist.”
Wisest animal
This year’s Paul the Octopus, St Petersburg-based cat Achilles, made a smart first decision. Offered two bowls of food by his Russian handlers he chose the one with the Russian flag. His loyalty will be tested again on Tuesday.
And one to watch
Mexico City’s “Great Warlock” Antonio Vázquez, revealing he’s put a positive hex on his side to “guarantee” a win today against Germany. Vázquez says he’ll build on his London 2012 success where he rightly tipped a 2-1 win for Mexico in the football final while “spraying spiritual balm” at journalists. Mexican media advised caution: “His previous tips have been less successful.”
