In the pantheon of education stereotypes, the pushy private school parent is up there with the unwashed physics teacher and smokers behind the bike shed. At the drop of an A*, mummy or daddy are in the Range Rover and off to school to demand a better hockey team spot for Constanza or a higher maths set for Milo.
But are the cliches true? Should teachers in the independent sector really brace themselves for an onslaught of unreasonable demands from overzealous parents, or is there a more positive side to the relationship?
There are a minority of parents whose interventions frustrate independent sector headteachers. A survey published by Attain, a magazine for the Independent Association of Prep Schools (IAPS), found “the vast majority” of headteachers at their fee-paying junior schools named the unrealistic demands of parents as the biggest frustration of their job – ahead of paperwork, government policy changes and workload. One spoke of some parents having the attitude towards education of “a customer buying a product”.
Headteachers writing blogs, newsletters or articles are often found attempting to calm over-anxious or excessively ambitious parents. Tim Hands, head of Magdalen college school, appealed to parents recently to trust their child’s judgement when choosing a school instead of sending them somewhere they don’t want to go or “touting [children] around to a load of entrance exams just for the glory of it”.
It’s worth remembering, though, that difficult parents exist in both the state and independent sectors, and that the majority take a sensible approach, according to Rod MacKinnon, headmaster at Bristol Grammar school (BGS) and previously head of state-funded Bexley Grammar. “In my experience, in both sectors most parents trust their schools,” says MacKinnon. “They come from a position that the school is likely to know best and tend to be supportive and understand that relationship of mutual trust.”
The odd hasty reaction aside, he argues, close parental involvement is a net positive: for the vast majority of parents going private, the financial sacrifice involved reflects the importance they place on education which strengthens the “crucial triumvirate” of family, child and school.
Nevertheless, with fee-paying parents making an “overt commitment” to the value of education, independent schools have to place a premium on communication, he adds. “It’s not lack of aspiration in the state sector. But in the private sector you’ve got smaller numbers of children, smaller classes: we have to make ourselves more available. We give staff email addresses to parents, communicate through weekly newsletters and hold more parents’ evenings.”
While opening itself to parental contact, BGS also tries to encourage parents to communicate wisely. The ubiquitousness of mobiles (BGS permits them in school) means children who feel unfairly treated can instantly ring mum or dad to complain, sometimes prompting parents to “feel they must do something,” says MacKinnon. “We talk to parents and say, ‘don’t ring the first time you hear something’.”
David Horton, a prep school maths, science and IT teacher who now works on systems management in schools, agrees that fee-paying parents expect a much more direct line to teachers (and indeed up the hierarchy to heads). The smaller pastoral groups in private schools facilitate close links. “From the staff perspective, you can respond very quickly and really get to know those children well.”
Teachers are obliged to be electronically available to parents, says Horton, warning that a focus on email responsiveness is now such that the speed of an electronic reply strongly affects how a teacher is viewed. “A weaker teacher who responds fast might be perceived more positively than an excellent one who doesn’t answer emails. There is a big expectation now from parents.”
Such demands are the way some parents respond to the fact of making sacrifices to fund education, Horton says. While some hurl themselves into helping the school, others constantly demand the school meets their expectations for their child, and others feel that payment equals a complete handover to the educators. The latter can cause problems as much as excessive interference. “One of the most difficult conversations in a private school might be with a neglectful parent – they have a wallet full of cash but aren’t putting in the time.”
The majority of parents in the private sector take a close interest in their children’s abilities and needs, according to Neil Roskilly, chief executive of the 350-strong Independent Schools Association. That can be helpful – fewer children fall behind as both home and school pick up the signs – but also challenging for teachers “if a parent calls asking why isn’t my son in the top maths set when he’s had tuition since he was born?” Similarly, parents can dominate governing bodies, again exerting pressure on teachers.
For newly-qualified staff in particular, says Roskilly, there should be a strong support network, including mentoring, to ensure teachers are not left isolated as they field parental concerns and questions. “There is a lot of engagement now with parents and teachers need to be willing to ask advice.”
