"Allo, Sid Snot 'ere!" Donny Tourette could be the saviour of Celebrity Big Brother. Photograph: Yui Mok/PA
Carole Malone craving a plate of porridge; Leo Sayer bragging about how his emigration to Oz had been fast-tracked thanks to his status as a "Special Artist" (surely some mistake?); H from Steps moaning about a troublesome nervous twitch - if yesterday morning in the Celebrity Big Brother house had been any more mundane, even Network's Howard Beale would have nodded off before he'd mustered the energy to march on their Elstree fortess screaming: "I'm as bored as hell and I'm not gonna take it anymore!"
How cruel the anti-climax. In the days leading up to this year's CBB, devotees had been driven giddy with anticipation. Robert Kilroy-Silk would be arriving to provide us with a little vino Veritas. So would washed up 80s pop star Marilyn. Even Justin Hawkins - spandex-addled singer with The Darkness - seemed ready to entertain us, public redemption but a Diary Room confession away.
Thank the stars then for Donny Tourette. For those unaware of his work up until now, Donny is lead singer with Towers of London, a band who look and sound like Guns N' Roses had they been brought up in Daphne Du Maurier's Jamaica Inn. In everyday life his hobbies, we are told, are drinking, smoking and bringing up phlegm (a medical condition, apparently).
His role now, however, seems to be horrifying his fellow housemates by any means possible. Following a spectacularly drunken entrance on Wednesday night, Donny has gobbed in the hot tub, slept naked with Leo Sayer and delivered more expletives than the Barmy Army on a post-whitewash pub crawl. Which isn't bad for one day's work.
Sterner tests are surely to come. Amidst such numbing company, his appetite for destruction may diminish. But we could just be looking at the winner.
Now, how's that for a spitting image?
• Punk makes my day! (Slight return): Read the second (and final) instalment of the tale of Tourette.
