ALL GUNNERS BLAZING?
Happy birthday, Arsène Wenger. The sophisticated French footballing pioneer has turned 69 and can reflect on a life well lived. Surfing into England from Japan on a tidal wave of almost total indifference to manage Arsenal in 1996, Wenger was, early doors at least, treated as a mild curiosity with his weird and wacky ways. When it became apparent that he knew exactly what he was doing, other managers quickly began copying his modus operandi. Before too long, players at most Premier League clubs had been banned from eating fry-ups for breakfast, encouraged to cut down on the fags and in some cases even asked not to guzzle down more than 10 pints of electric soup each at their weekly Tuesday afternoon sessions down the local drinker.
It could be argued that without the trail blazed by Wenger, the Premier League he left behind at the end of last season would never have become The Greatest League in the World (™), what with the preponderance of exotic managers, a breed treated with deep mistrust back in the days when the former Arsenal boss became only the fourth proper “foreign” to be appointed to such an exalted role. On Monday two of those who followed his path go toe to toe at the Emirates, when his old side entertain Leicester City as they attempt to win their 10th consecutive game in all competitions.
Having taken up the unenviable task of stepping into Wenger’s hand-stitched size nines, Unai Emery appears to be making a decent fist of rebooting the club. After announcing his decision to step down at Paris Saint-Germain last season, he told one interviewer who asked him what he was missing as a coach was “making my masterpieces, real masterpieces and making them my own”. While victory over a fairly “meh” Leicester side could be considered more absent-minded maths copy doodle than Sistine Chapel or Banksy Balloon Girl shredding-itself-at-auction-in-Sothebys, it’s all part of a gradual process that Arsenal fans hope could once again propel their club to the giddy heights of fourth place and Big Cup qualification come season’s end. On the night of their former manager’s birthday, some think victory at home against Claude Puel’s side could be a formality, but the more pragmatic among them [Don’t – Fiver Ed] have been around the block long enough [You’re (a bit) better than this – Fiver Ed] to know it is unlikely to be [Seriously, don’t – Fiver Ed] a piece of cake [You’re fired – Fiver Ed].
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QUOTE OF THE DAY
“My mother wanted us to leave, absolutely, but still the club said no. Then I started to cry. It upset the secretary so much that finally they said: ‘OK, I’ll do it just for this little kid’” – Juventus midfielder Miralem Pjanic gets his chat on with Paolo Bandini to recall how his tears as a baby helped his family flee war in Bosnia.
RECOMMENDED LISTENING
Melissa Rudd steps into Max’s hot seat for the latest edition of Football Weekly.
SUPPORT THE GUARDIAN
Producing the Guardian’s thoughtful, in-depth journalism [the stuff not normally found in this email, obviously – Fiver Ed] is expensive, but supporting us isn’t. If you value our journalism, please support us. In return we can hopefully arm you with the kind of knowledge that makes you sound slightly less uninformed during those hot reactive gegenpress chats you so enjoy. And if you think what we do is enjoyable [again, etc and so on – Fiver Ed], please help us keep coming back here to give you more of the same.
FIVER LETTERS
“Sorry to say that Mick Mellors doesn’t know his arc from his tangent (Friday’s Fiver letters). The formula given was indeed missing information about the radius. (x — 5)² + (y — 10)² can be the left hand side of the equation of a circle, but we need one more piece of information to evaluate the radius. If, for example, we are told that the point (1, 7) lies on the circle then (1 — 5)² + (7 — 10)² tells us that the square of the radius is 25 so r = 5. Without this, the information given by Mr Mellors is useless. To be honest, having watched José Mourinho’s defence this year, I would respectfully suggest moving on to hyperbolas would be more beneficial to all” – Phil West.
“Re: Mick Mellor’s rejoinder. I’d suggest there are better things to be bemused by. Such as a Neil Warnock team scoring four [FOUR!], albeit past a defence as porous as the post-Brexit border Ireland prefers” – Emmanuel Dairo.
“Apparently my mail now sorts The Fiver into the category of promotional marketing mail. So, is The Fiver giving out more prizes? Like the power to kick Southampton out of the league for being boring?” – Lord Kia.
Send your letters to the.boss@theguardian.com. And if you’ve nothing better to do you can also tweet The Fiver. Today’s winner of our letter o’the day is … Phil West, who gets a copy of Ian Plenderleith’s The Quiet Fan. We’ve more to give away, so keep scribbling.
BITS AND BOBS
Chelsea and Manchester United are expected to be let off with some testy words from the FA following the scenes that everybody nobody likes to see at the end of Saturday’s 2-2 draw at Stamford Bridge.
The Real Madrid manager cannon is being prepared for Hubris’s Julen Lopetegui after Levante dealt them a 2-1 upset in La Liga.
Usain Bolt’s Mr 15% Ricky Simms claims the sprint legend has received a flamin’ A-League contract offer from Central Coast Mariners, which is news to their manager Mike Mulvey. “I don’t know anything about what you’re talking about and that’s the honest truth,” he tooted.
And Spartak Moscow have told coach Massimo Carrera to do one. “The team’s results and game this season have shown there is no trend towards an improvement,” fumed a club statement.
STILL WANT MORE?
Sid Lowe on Julen Lopetegui and the chronicle of a shambles foretold.
Stylish Shaqiri, Morata’s misery and Fulham’s feeble defence: get your Premier League talking points.
Rachel Brown-Finnis has you covered regarding matters in the Women’s Super League.
There are an astonishing 87 live football matches being broadcast in the UK this week. Which seems a little unnecessary, even to your sofa-loving Fiver. Sean Ingle discusses the long-term effect this sort of blanket coverage is having on the game.
Mauro Icardi is a bad man but a lot of what happened during the Milan derby (including his winner) was good. Paolo Bandini explains why.
Bayern Munich won a game of football! But, as Andy Brassell explains, all the entertainment in Munich remains upstairs.
It costs a lot to hold an Ethics World Cup – $14bn in Russia’s case, and Andrew Roth is asking: “Was it all worth it?”
Meanwhile, the Wayne Rooney bandwagon at DC United is gathering pace as it speeds into the MLS play-offs. Read all about England’s newest, oldest soccerball hero.
Oh, and if it’s your thing … you can follow Big Website on Big Social FaceSpace. And INSTACHAT, TOO!
