Once the preserve of men in green gowns shouting “CLEAR!”, defibrillators are increasingly being democratised. Little plastic suitcases can now be found in supermarkets, pubs and repurposed telephone boxes. There will soon be a nationwide map of their locations.
What happens if you have to use one? I went to St John Ambulance HQ to meet Carl Makins, a volunteer and trainer described by his colleagues as “Mr Defibrillator”, to find out.
Open the box
Modern defibrillators talk to you in a clear, authoritative American voice, like Charlton Heston reading the Ten Commandments on BBC Radio 4. Listen and obey and you will be OK.
Place the pads
I place the first pad on the dummy’s right breast. The second one goes about a hand’s width lower down, diagonally opposite, under the left breast. The heart is in the middle of the chest (not on the left, as commonly depicted), so the shock travels between the two pads, giving it the maximum chance of hitting the heart.
Stand back
A big, red button of the sort you might use to launch a nuke delivers the charge. Stand back: the voltage is anywhere between 300V and 1,000V, more than what comes out of your home sockets. “Plus, you can disrupt the charge,” Makins says.
Place the CPR pad
This is not essential, but it contains a sensor that checks whether you are doing the CPR correctly. It is a brutal business – pressing to the recommended depth of “a third of the chest cavity” can break ribs.
Perform CPR
Arms straight, I put one hand over the other, fingers interlaced. The machine booms out “PRESS, PRESS, PRESS” in time with the sequence, then reminds you to do two breaths (pinch nose, lift chin, seal mouth, blow) after every 30 compressions. I think I would find such unshakeable certainty reassuring in a crisis.
Start again
Every two minutes, the machine restarts the sequence with another shock. If the patient starts breathing, though, stop immediately. “You’ll hear that very clearly,” says Makins. “It’s a sort of gurgling noise.”
