And it’s all over in the Premier League too. You can click here to see all today’s goals and you can click here for the latest tables. That’s all from me. Thanks for all the emails. Enjoy the rest of your Saturday. Bye!
It’s all over in Spain:
FT: Real Madrid 3-0 Levante (@MarceloM12 27', @Cristiano 30', @JeseRodriguez10 81'). #RMLiga #HalaMadrid pic.twitter.com/BZYhVX556s
— Real Madrid C.F. (@realmadriden) October 17, 2015
GOAL! Crystal Palace 1-3 West Ham United (Payet)
Payet finds himself one-on-one with Hennessey and he finds the back of the net by dinking one over the keeper. Delightful stuff.
GOAL! Southampton 2-2 Leicester (Vardy)
Holy smokes! They’ve only gone and comeback again. Vardy was sent clear by Dyer. He scuttled onto it and hammered it into the roof of the net.
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GOAL! Manchester City 5-1 Bournemouth (Bony)
Sure, even me and you could’ve scored for City today, eh?
GOAL! Crystal Palace 1-2 West Ham United (Lanzini)
It has come late but West Ham fans will not care a jot. Zarate sent a cross to the far post. Waiting there was Andy Carroll. He headed the ball down and Lanzini fired it home from about 10 yards out.
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There has been a penalty shout for Sunderland after Sessègnon looked to have taken down Borini in the box. Nothing was given. Big Sam is still masticating.
Down in Southampton, the Saints are looking nervous and well they should. It is all Leicester at the moment and just moments ago Vardy smashed one over the bar from close range when you would’ve bet your child’s inheritance on him scoring.
Madrid have made it 3-0. This one comes from Jesé who absolutely blasts one high into the net. Game very much over.
Big Sam is masticating furiously. He ain’t happy.
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A quick update from League One. Walsall are now 2-0 down; Fleetwood are putting in an impressive performance against Burton and are leading 3-0; Millwall are leading 2-0 at home to Swindon; and Sheffield United are, surprisingly, being held 1-1 by Oldham.
It’s all over in Germany:
That's it! #FCBayern make a new record start to the season with a 9th straight win. Well done, boys! #SVWFCB 0-1 pic.twitter.com/mr9Eiupgac
— FC Bayern English (@FCBayernEN) October 17, 2015
GOAL! Southampton 2-1 Leicester (Vardy)
The fightback is on. Dyer made his way down the wing and fired the ball into the box and who else was waiting there to send it home but Vardy. He has now scored in his last six games. “Jamie Vardy! He scores every week!” sing the Leicester fans.
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Rotherham had drawn level just after half-time through Joe Mattock but that has not lasted too long. That is because Alan Judge has struck again with a header from the centre of the box. Elsewhere in the Championship, thanks to a converted penalty from Caddis Birmingham are now leading QPR 2-1.
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An update from Germany:
#Kimmich gets a yellow for stopping a breakaway. Bremen are gaining confidence in the final stages. Less than 5 minutes to go! #SVWFCB 0-1
— FC Bayern English (@FCBayernEN) October 17, 2015
GOAL! Everton 0-3 Manchester United (Rooney)
Let’s just hope he did not do a non-celebration celebration.
Wayne Rooney scores his first Premier League away goal in 330 days. A run of 17 games and 1549 minutes of action. pic.twitter.com/dTN15gE1SP
— Squawka Football (@Squawka) October 17, 2015
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Bolton were in trouble before their game against Burnley and they are in even more trouble now since Gray has scored for Sean Dyche’s side. What makes things even worse for Bolton is that Preston are holding out at home to Cardiff. Combine all of that and it means Bolton are going right to the bottom.
GOAL! West Bromwich Albion 1-0 Sunderland (Berahino)
Finally! Something has happened! Brunt pumped the ball into the box, Pantilimon dropped it and Berahino was in the right place to make him pay for his mistake. Big Sam will be in a big funk about that one.
GOAL! Chelsea 2-0 Aston Villa (Costa)
Fàbregas sends the ball into Costa. He shapes, he shoots, he hits the ball off Hutton and it loops past Guzan and into the net.
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Speaking of Wales, Gareth Bale has been subbed at half-time for Real Madrid. That is probably due to his international exertions and the fact that they have a rather big game during the week rather than some club conspiracy against the Welshman.
If the oval ball is also your thing, you can join Dan Lucas for the latest from South Africa v Wales.
We are back. Huzzah!
That should be half-time around the grounds now. You can see the scores above. Since we last checked into the Championship, there hasn’t been too many goals to tell you about. Birmingham and QPR have one apiece; Leeds have gone level against Brighton thanks to a close-range header from Cooper; and that’s it really. In League One, Wigan are four – yes four! – up against Colchester. Meanwhile, Chesterfield are leading league leaders Walsall 1-0. That means Gillingham, who are drawing 0-0 with Crewe, will go top if results remain as they stand. Finally, in League Two, there has been seven – yes, seven – goals in the game between Wimbledon and Morecambe, with five of them going to the latter. In other notable scores, Plymouth and Accrington is goalless, Portsmouth are one to the good away to Newport while Oxford are cruising to a win over Leyton Orient.
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GOAL! Manchester City 4-1 Bournemouth (Sterling)
Distin and his keeper get caught in no man’s land. Navas takes advantage of that but has his shot on goal saved by Federici. However, Sterling follows it up and records an impressive first-half hat-trick.
Raheem Sterling is the first English player to score a hat-trick for #MCFC in the #BPL era.
— Infostrada Sports (@InfostradaLive) October 17, 2015
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RED CARD!
Dwight Gayle is off for an early bath. It was his second yellow of the day and this one was for an over exuberant (though not necessarily nasty) foul on Kouyate.
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Shock. Of. The. Day. Real Madrid are 2-0 up against Levante. Marcelo and Ronaldo are the men with their names on the scoresheet. Elsewhere on the continent, Bayern are still 1-0 up.
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J.R. in Illinois is watching WBA against Sunderland as punishment for something terrible he did in a past life. Here is what he has to say about it. “News from the relegation six-pointer at the Hawthorns: West Brom are playing so badly they are making Sunderland look like the freaking Harlem Globetrotters. The Black Cats are all over the Baggies like a duck on a junebug. This is unacceptable. Pulis out!”
More from Simon McMahon. “No goals yet in the SPFL but it’s Hibs 1 Dumbarton 1 in the Scottish Championship. Incidentally, the kick-off in the match at Cowdenbeath was delayed by 15 minutes. Which reminds me, I recently met a fox who was brilliant at football. It was Brazil Brush. BOOM BOOM!!”
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GOAL! Southampton 2-0 Leicester (Van Dijk)
Two goals for Southampton and both have comes from the centre-backs. They are on top in that match and look to be on their way to three points. For this one, Pelle’s header had hit the post but Van Dijk knocked the ball in at the second attempt.
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GOAL! Chelsea 1-0 Aston Villa (Costa)
Brad Guzan’s brain explodes and Willian capitalises on it to set up Diego Costa who finally remembers that he is a striker by profession and his job is to put the ball in the back of the net. Mourinho can breath again but Sherwood will be furious with his keeper.
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Goal of the day might just be going to Stevenage’s goalkeeper Jesse Joronen. He knocked one long and Ingram, in the Wycombe net, tottally misjudged the flight of it and could do nothing but watch it go into the goal. That goal means he is the first goalkeeper to score in the top four tiers of English Football since Begovic did so against Southampton a few years ago.
GOAL! Manchester City 3-1 Bournemouth (Sterling)
Game off again.
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GOAL! Crystal Palace 1-1 West Ham United (Cabaye)
... Jenkinson goes from hero to, eh, non-hero in almost zero seconds. Immediately after the goal, he gives away an admittedly soft penalty for a foul on Gayle. Cabaye steps up and scores but is forced to retake it. He steps up once more, he scores once more.
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GOAL! Crystal Palace 0-1 West Ham United (Jenkinson)
Moses takes a touch, sets up Jenkinson and he just pokes it past Hennessey. But don’t be celebrating too long Hammer fans because ....
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GOAL! Manchester City 2-1 Bournemouth (Murray)
You thought it was game over when City took a 2-0 lead, didn’t you? Don’t worry, we all did. But it’s game on thanks to Murray and a touch off Mangala.
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GOAL! Southampton 1-0 Leicester (Fonte)
Southampton had a job lot of corners in a row, well three, and it was third time lucky for them. For that one, Fonte rose highest and headed his side into the lead.
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And while all that was being typed, Brighton took the lead against Leeds. Solly March’s left-footed effort is the difference between the two sides.
Down in the Championship, there are just two goal to tell you about. MK Dons have taken the lead against Blackburn, who are down to ten men after Adam Henley was sent off for a foul in the box – Ben Reeves converted the resulting penalty. The other goal has come in the game between Rotherham and Brentford, where Alan Judge has given Brentford the lead.
Federici, incidentally, replaced Boruc after the Polish keeper was injured just moments before kick-off. He is having a debut to forget.
GOAL! Manchester City 2-0 Bournemouth (Bony)
Oh Federici. Oh Federici, Federici, Federici. A simple cross from Sagna is spilled by the keeper into the path of Bony and it is harder for the striker to score than to miss.
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GOAL! Manchester City 1-0 Bournemouth (Sterling)
Well Bournemouth were in charge but it is City that are in the lead. Sterling pounces on some poor defending to score his third of the season with a close-range toe-poke after Bony nudged the ball down to him.
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Manchester United have had an early attack via a free-kick. It is swung in but Phil Jagielka gets his head on it and clears the danger. Chelsea have also been on the attack via Loftus-Cheek and Pedro but Aston Villa have been able to repel them so far. Meanwhile, Bournemouth have had the better start in their match against Manchester City and are dominating possession.
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Absolutely nothing to tell you about so far. Thought this was meant to to be the most exciting league in the world. Pfffffff.
And it is off we go. Huzzah!
There has been a goal in the Bundesliga game involving Bayern Munich and Werder Bremen. And it has gone to the man who has scored with each of his last three shots on goal in the league, Thomas Müller. Twitter tells me that Bayern have now scored a whopping 40 goals in their last 10 games.
TOOOOOOOOOOOOOOR! @esmuellert_ macht's! #SVWFCB 0-1 (23.)
— FC Bayern München (@FCBayern) October 17, 2015
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By the way, it’s all over in Jürgen Klopp’s first game in charge of Liverpool. Fair to say, it’s probably not going to linger too long in the memory given that it ended 0-0 and was without major incident.
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Our Scottish correspondent Simon McMahon has been in touch so the rest of us don’t have to bother with that stuff . “The Mixu Paatelainen era starts at Tannadice tomorrow when The Mighty Finn takes charge of United for the first time against Hearts. Today, Celtic beat Motherwell in the early kick-off, ex-United man Nadir Ciftci getting the only goal as Mark McGhee’s second spell in charge of the Steelmen started with a defeat. Elsewhere in the SPFL it’s Kilmarnock v. Inverness and St. Johnstone v. Partick, whilst in the Scottish Championship it’s Falkirk v. Morton and Hibs v. Dumbarton, in League One the Blue Brazil (aka Cowdenbeath) take on Stenhousmuir and in League Two there’s an Angus derby at Arbroath as Montrose visit.”
If you are of the Manchester United or indeed the Everton persuasion, then Tim Hill has the minute-by-minute for you. You can join him over here.
.@HullCity are up to third with that point, and @swfc to ninth. Plenty more @SkyBetChamp football on the way... pic.twitter.com/4oAEhosnia
— The Football League (@football_league) October 17, 2015
Some north-of-the-border news for you:
In case you missed it, there was some sad news earlier today with the announcement that the former Everton manager Howard Kendall, who guided the club to league championships in 1984-85 and 1986-87, has died at the age of 69. There will be a moment’s applause and black armbands worn at Goodison Park this afternoon.
Some interesting things amongst that lot of team news. With Ivanovic out thourgh injury, Baba comes in for Chelsea to make his Premier League debut. Costa is back following that suspension but there is no place in the side for Hazard, which you would have to put down to tiredness, right? Elsewhere, and as expected, Schneiderlin comes into the Manchester United side to combat the speed and skills of the Everton midfield. Jones, Rojo and Herrera all start too. As for the London derby, Palace name the same side that beat West Brom and West Ham have Andy Carroll on the bench. Remember him? Remember when he was the greatest thing since the see-through toaster? Bony, of course, starts for Manchester City but Kompany does not. Speaking of strikers, Big Sam has decided that Defoe should start from the bench for Sunderland. Oh, one more thing, Kelvin Davis, 134, starts in goal for Southampton as Stekelenburg has done his back in.
Team news
Chelsea v Aston Villa
Chelsea: Begovic; Baba, Terry (c), Zouma, Azpilicueta; Loftus-Cheek, Ramires; Wilian, Fabregas, Pedro; Diego Costa. Subs: Blackman, Cahill, Matic, Mikel, Oscar, Hazard, Remy.
Aston Villa: Guzan, Hutton, Richards, Lescott, Richardson, Gana, Westwood, Grealish, Ayew, Gil, Gestede. Subs: Bacuna, Sinclair, Traore, Amavi, Sanchez, Bunn, Crespo.
Referee: Roger East
Crystal Palace v West Ham United
Crystal Palace: Hennessey; Kelly, Dann (c), Hangeland, Souare; Cabaye, McArthur; Zaha, Puncheon, Bolasie; Gayle. Subs: McCarthy, Delaney, Ledley, Jedinak, Sako, Campbell, Bamford.
West Ham United: Adrian, Jenkinson, Tomkins, Collins, Cresswell, Kouyate, Noble, Lanzini, Payet, Moses, Sakho. Subs: Randolph, Carroll, Zarate, Valencia, Obiang, Ogbonna, Jelavic.
Referee: Mark Clattenburg
Everton v Manchester United
Everton: Howard, Coleman, Stones, Jagielka, Galloway, Barry, McCarthy, Naismith, Barkley, Lennon, Lukaku. Subs: Joel, Kone, Mirallas, Deulofeu, Osman, Mori, Browning.
Manchester United: De Gea, Darmian, Smalling, Jones, Rojo, Schweinsteiger, Schneiderlin, Mata, Herrera, Rooney, Martial. Subs: Depay, Carrick, Blind, Fellaini, Lingard, Andreas Pereira, Johnstone.
Referee: Jonathan Moss
Manchester City v Bournemouth
Manchester City: Hart, Zabaleta, Otamendi, Mangala, Sagna, Fernandinho, Toure, Navas, De Bruyne, Sterling, Bony. Subs: Caballero, Demichelis, Kompany, Fernando, Nasri, Roberts, Iheanacho.
Bournemouth: Boruc, Francis, Cook, Distin, Daniels, Smith, Gosling, O’Kane, Surman, Ritchie, Murray. Subs: Federici, Cargill, Bennett, MacDonald, Pugh, King, Kermorgant.
Referee: Mike Dean
Southampton v Leicester
Southampton: Kelvin Davis, Cedric Soares, Fonte, van Dijk, Bertrand, Steven Davis, Wanyama, Mane, Ward-Prowse, Tadic, Pelle. Subs: Yoshida, Clasie, Rodriguez, Romeu, Juanmi, Gazzaniga, Caulker.
Leicester: Schmeichel, Simpson, Huth, Morgan, Schlupp, Albrighton, Drinkwater, Kante, Fuchs, Vardy, Okazaki. Subs: De Laet, King, Dyer, Mahrez, Benalouane, Schwarzer, Inler.
Referee: Paul Tierney
West Bromwich Albion v Sunderland
West Bromwich Albion: Myhill, Dawson, McAuley, Evans, Brunt, McClean, Fletcher, Yacob, Sessegnon, Berahino, Rondon. Subs: Olsson, Chester, Gardner, Anichebe, Lambert, McManaman, Lindegaard.
Sunderland: Pantilimon, Jones, Yedlin, Kaboul, O’Shea (c), Larsson, Cattermole, Gomez, M’Vila, Borini, Fletcher. Subs: Mannone, Graham, Defoe, Johnson, Brown, Bridcutt, van Aanholt.
Referee: Martin Atkinson
Good afternoon
Oh oh oh oh ooh. It’s back, it’s back, it’s back. Yes, it’s back. And after what turned out to be yet another typically dull, sluggish, uninteresting, wearisome, almost vacuous consignment of international football – honestly, when are those boneheads in charge of the game just going to scrap international football? – each of us should be so consumed with relief that there is no other option but to fall to our knees and wash the feet of our lord, our teacher, our master, our Premier League with our collective tears of joy. Oh oh oh oh ooh. It’s back, it’s back, it’s back. Yes, it’s back. What a time to be alive.
And what a time the Premier League has been having since we last saw it. Brendan – poor Brendan – is of course gone and has been replaced by the man who is not only going to return the glory days to Liverpool but is also going to reverse climate change and bring about an end to world hunger, poverty and war while also releasing a post-country rap album featuring previously unheard material from 2pac, Biggie and Dolly Parton that will spend the next 200 weeks in the No1 spot in the charts of every single country with the letter D in its name. Big Sam is back too and his combination with the brand of football currently on offer at the Stadium of Light should have aestheticians around the world rubbing their hands, slapping their thighs and hooting loudly in merriment.
His first game comes away to West Bromwich Albion. Fun fact time. The last three permanent Sunderland managers have all started with an away defeat. Will the fourth be with Allardyce? It almost certainly will be if he can’t get his side to find the net. Sunderland are averaging a miserable goal a game this season and have had fewer shots on target than any other side in the league so far. As you would expect from a well-drilled (if somewhat out-of-form) Tony Pulis side, WBA don’t give away much at the back and Sunderland have struggled at the Hawthorns over the last few season. Without some proper time to work with this side, this game might come a bit too early for the Allardyce revolution to be felt in full.
There was this old episode of Seinfeld where Jerry was dating this girl called Gwen. In certain lights, Gwen appears attractive to Jerry; in others, not so much. “Have you come across this?” he asks George. “Yes,” he replies, “she’s a two-face.” Jerry went on to relate this concept to the Batman villain but the current incarnation of West Ham would’ve worked just as well. Sometimes, they are looking tactically intelligent, playing some great football and cuffing aside the likes of Arsenal, Manchester City and Liverpool; other times, they look out of their depth, like a bunch of pub buddies who won a competition to play for the club and failing to beat sides they could, nae should, be beating. If the good side show up this Saturday afternoon, Crystal Palace, who will be without only Connor Wickham, Joel Ward and Marouane Chamakh and have won four of their last six games, will be in for a rough ride. However, should the other side appear, Palace can relax, take off the Tim boots and take home three points.
Come this time of the season, most people probably expected the two Manchester clubs to have laid their hat in the top three spots in the table but few – if any – will have expected Chelsea to be two spots and four points above the relegation zone. We’ll come back to United and Chelsea in a moment but let’s have a quick chat about City before we do. In a blow to Fantasy Football managers throughout the world, never mind Manuel Pellegrini, Sergio Agüero will not be togging out for Manchester City for the next seven weeks or so due to a nasty dose of hamstring-ouch and David Silva is also out. Despite that you would still expect City to have too much talent to take anything other than a win from their encounter with Bournemouth, especially with Vincent Kompany back and Kevin De Bruyne fitting into the side with all the ease of water into a glass.
Aston Villa should be the prefect fixture for Chelsea. They are playing at home, they are playing a Tim Sherwood side that have just one point from their last six games and they are not going to be playing with Branislav Ivanovic. The point about Ivanovic is a pertinent one. He has been getting most of the stick this season but he is not the only one who has been awful. The entire back four look they got bash over the noggin during the summer and have developed collective defensive-duty amnesia meaning that they have let in at least two goals in seven of their eight league games this season and only Sunderland – that’s right Sunderland! – have conceded more. But like we said, this should be the prefect fixture for Chelsea. Villa are still finding their feet after the massive summer intake of new players and are still finding it hard to score goals. Sherwood says losing today will not have an adverse effect on his chances of remaining as Villa’s manager but no owner is beyond pressing that big red panic button should there even be the slightest hint that his club are in danger of dropping down.
This will not be the perfect fixture for Manchester United. They need to recover from that mauling at the hands of Arsenal and Everton is not the sort of team or place you recover from a mauling, especially if your side have lost their three times in a row without scoring each time. The Toffees are much improved this season. Romelu Lukaku has found his form, as has (most surprisingly) Arouna Koné and the dynamism of Ross Barkley has been a real treat to watch – there should also be a shout out for Brendan Galloway who has filled in magnificently for Leighton Baines as well as the professionalism and skills of John Stones. What will make this harder for Louis van Gaal side is that his captain and supposed main striker is in one heck of a slump and has been for quite some time now. It’s now 17 away games since Wayne Rooney could run to the corner flag and hear his name boom across the ground’s speakers while simultaneously receiving the finger, amongst other things, from opposing fans. His midfield will also be a worry. They were MIA against Arsenal and he will surely need to start to get Morgan Schneiderlin onto the pitch if he is to get anything from this fixture.
All of this means, there is a lot going on but if you are not satisfied, if that is not enough for you, then you also have Southampton v Leicester to get down and durty with as well as some pretty decent action in the lower leagues and even leagues that are far, far away like Spain or Scotland. You’re excited, right? Damn straight you are. So without further ado, let’s get cracking.
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