Anyway, thanks all for your company and comments; we’ll be back shortly with the end of La Liga.
So I guess that’s a season. Snivel. Chelsea and Spurs are streets ahead of the rest and proved it again this afternoon; Liverpool and Manchester City confirmed their participation in next season’s Champions League; the relegated teams were relegated for a reason; Harry Kane wins the golden boot; and Arsenal have defensive issues to sort before the Cup Final.
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How the final 2016/17 #PremierLeague table looks after this afternoon's games. pic.twitter.com/u10n6FTIvs
— Chris Reid (@Chrisfrom3TFM) May 21, 2017
And the 2016-17 Premier League season is finished!
— BBC Sport (@BBCSport) May 21, 2017
It's all over in Sunday's 10 games.
Round-up 👉 https://t.co/oZvILWwzSW #bbcfootball pic.twitter.com/F9mwemxCVE
Full-time: Hull City 1-7 Spurs
What a run-in from the Lillywhites; if only they’d started the season properly. Can they transfer their style to Wembley?
Full-time: Swansea 2-1 West Brom
The Baggies will be satisfied with their season, but have no business collapsing as they did.
Full-time: Manchester United 2-0 Crystal Palace
But how badly hurt is Paul Pogba?
Full-time: Arsenal 3-1 Everton
Arsenal miss out on the Champions League for the first time in 20 years, but have found some form before the Cup Final. Can they find a defence?
GOAL! Arsenal 3-1 Everton (Ramsey, 90)
Ozil finds Ramsey inside the box, top left corner, and he turns then swerves a lovely finish into the far top corner.
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GOAL! Chelsea 4-1 Sunderland (Batshuayi, 90)
The strongest Twitter game in the league scores again.
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LIVERPOOL QUALIFY FOR THE CHAMPIONS LEAGUE! Full-time: Liverpool 3-0 Middlesbrough
It was nervy for a bit but easy in the end.
Full-time: Watford 0-5 Manchester City
Amazingly abject from the Orns but a warning from City nonetheless: next season, watch out.
GOAL! Hulll City 1-7 [seven] (Alderweireld, 89)
Trippier crosses from the right, Hull are doing whatever it is they’re doing, and Alderweireld is free at the back post to sweep home. Spurs are quite good.
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GOAL! Swansea City 2-1 West Brom (Llorente, 86)
Well done Paul Clement.
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GOAL! Hull City 1-6 Spurs (Davies, 84)
What on earth is Kane playing at? Pathetic! Eriksen slings in another free-kick, it’s half-cleared, and Davies fully finishes.
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I don’t believe it!
I'm hearing that the 26th minute substitution of John Terry was the captain's own idea. Antonio Conte happy to go along wit it.
— Dan Levene (@danlevene) May 21, 2017
Enjoy Angel Gomes' season highlights after he was crowned our Youth Team Player of the Year... #MUFCPOTY pic.twitter.com/oxkDPXcpJd
— Manchester United (@ManUtd) May 18, 2017
I concur with this sentiment.
Get Gomes on ffs
— Fred Astaire (@Ragulator) May 21, 2017
GOAL! Sunderland 1-3 Chelsea (Pedro, 78)
My friend and yours, Joleon Lescott, contrives to head over his own keeper. Pedro chases it down and nods home from under the bar.
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GOAL! Burnley 1-2 West Ham (Ayew, 72)
A goal each for the brothers Ayew now. A long shot hits the bar, Andre taps home.
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There have been six hat-tricks in the Premier League in 2017 - Harry Kane has scored FOUR of them.
— James Maw (@JamesMawFFT) May 21, 2017
THE STATE OF HARRY KANE! GOAL! Hull City 1-5 Spurs (Kane, 73)
My days, what a player! Another hat-trick! Admittedly it relies on some quite hilarious defending from Hull, and of course Alli is on hand to profit, poking through. Kane sets himself, then slides home a simple finish. That’s seven goals in his last two games!
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GOAL! Swansea City 1-1 West Brom (Ayew, 72)
Is Gylfi Sigurdsson football’s best addresser of a dead ball? Payet comes close, but otherwise? Anyway, he swings one into the box, a flick-on takes it to the back post, and Ayew does the rest.
Updated
GOAL! Hull City 1-4 Spurs (Wanyama, 69)
Eriksen’s cross is deflected to the back post, and there’s yerman with his second headed goal in three games.
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Aguero is taken off at Vicarage Road; might that be his last appearance for City? Surely they need to do everything to make that unso - he guarantees goals, and even if Jesus scores as many it’s not like you don’t need back-up, or the option of playing two strikers.
Axel Tuanzebe is playing in midfield today - he is going to be a player. His use next season will go a long way to revealing Mourinho’s intentions as regards young players.
GOAL! Hull City 1-3 Spurs (Clucas, 66)
A deflection.
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Excellent double-save from Gomes to deny Aguero a hat-trick. Gomes is now receiving treatment, but luckily Mazzarri had the foresight to pick two keepers for the bench.
I appear to have missed Jamie Vardy’s equaliser for Leicester at home to Bournemouth. 1-1 there now.
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At Old Trafford, United are passing and moving. It’s fairly strange to see.
GOAL! Southampton 0-1 Stoke (Crouch, 60)
That’s now 103 Premier League goals for one of the good guys.
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GOAL! Chelsea 2-1 Sunderland (Hazard, 61)
This is beautifully taken. Willian brings the ball out of defence and hits Costa, loitering outside the box in the middle. He slides wide to Hazard, who jinks outside his man and zetzes a finish into the far side-netting.
Updated
GOAL! Watford 0-5 Man City (Jesus, 58)
Aguero goes down the right and dinks a cross to the edge of the box where Jesus leaps into a brilliant first touch. He then stays calm to pursue the bouncing ball and lift an excellent finish over Gomes.
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GOAL! Arsenal 2-1 Everton (Lukaku pen, 57)
Cech goes the right way, to his left, but Lukaku’s sidefooter was too firm for him.
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PENALTY EVERTON!
A cross comes in, Monreal looks to chest it clear, it clips his arm, and there you go.
What a miss! Sane hares down the left, arcs over a low cross for Aguero - all he needs to do is tap home - but the ball slides off his instep and way, way wide.
GOAL! Liverpool 3-0 Middlesbrough (Lallana, 56)
Wijnaldum nods down a criss, Lallana bursts onto it, and slides calmly into the far corner.
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Trouble for Arsenal, I'm afraid - Gabriel has been stretchered off.
He leapt into a challenge with Calvert-Lewin, hurting yerman’s Achilles and catching his own leg underneath him. Mertesacker is on, and by the looks of things will play in the Cup Final. Dare Wenger go with three at the back?
I guess Guzan should’ve saved that, but still, it was very well done indeed.
GOAL! LIVERPOOL ARE GOING INTO THE CHAMPIONS LEAGUE! Liverpool 2-0 Middlesbrough (Coutinho, 51)
This is a very clever free-kick - it’s right of centre, and Guzan assumes Coutinho would go over the wall towards the near post. But instead he swings one past it on the far side, which skips off the turf and sneaks inside the far corner!
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Scott McTominay has just run across the back of Wilfried Zaha, clipping his heels in the process. It didn’t look deliberate, but poor Zaha is in a lot of pain nonetheless - his shoulder took the brunt of the fall. He’s up, though, and looks like he’ll be good to carry on.
And if Phil’s saying that...
Just witnessed the worst performance I've ever seen from a set of premier league players Watford!
— Philip Neville (@fizzer18) May 21, 2017
I wonder what words of wisdom the sacked Walter Mazzarri shared with his players. “C’mon lads, you can do it...”
Aguero now has 169 goals for City. Eight short of Eric Brook, the club's all-time leading scorer, who has 177.
— Rob Pollard (@RobPollardMCFC) May 21, 2017
We have kick-off.
“Mike Dean got coined at a S Wales derby,” tweets Matthew Rudd. “As the blood poured from his head, he picked the coin up and threw it angrily to the floor. Liked him ever since.”
The Sky pundits - Graeme Souness, Gary Neville and Jamie Carragher - all think Middlesbrough should have had a penalty for that challenge by Lovren on Bamford, and a red card for Lovren as well.
4-0 at half-time. Watford PA sticks on Holiday by Madonna.
— Jonathan Smith (@jonnysmiffy) May 21, 2017
“I’m watching the Mike Dean game, also known as Swansea v West Brom. What did the Baggies do to deserve Dean’s last game of the season as well as Clattenburg’s last game of his career?
Dean has played some majestic advantages this season as well as making several absolutely absurd penalty decisions. He has just finished giving a 60 second lecture to Nyom and Olsson. This game is a bit nasty. Could easily imagine a red card sometime.”
It is psychologically, biologically impossible not to reference Jeff Winter’s swansong at this juncture...
“In the end I played a little bit extra, waiting until play was at the Kop end, before sounding the final shrill blast - a bit like the Last Post. The fans behind the goal burst into spontaneous applause. It was longer and louder than normal, even for a big home win. Did they know it was my final visit? Was the applause for me? They are such knowledgeable football people, that it would not surprise me. ”
#PL half time scores pic.twitter.com/X4Zy22C7ir
— 101 Great Goals (@101greatgoals) May 21, 2017
Here’s yerman Smyth on that:
23 min Having seen the replay, I’m not sure about that penalty appeal. Bamford played a fine one-two with Forshaw and then cleverly got in front of Lovren so that there would be contact from the rear. Whether it was enough for a penalty, I don’t know. I suspect a penalty would be given maybe six or seven times out of 10 for something like that.
Apparently Martin Atkinson denied Boro a clear penalty at 0-0...
Pogba with a twinge!
Pogba moves off at half-time with a little limp. It doesn’t look awful, and presumably would have to be for him not to be ready for Wednesday. If he’s got a proper problem, United are in big trouble.
At Old Trafford, Pogba and Lingard have been replaced by Carrick and Martial. Neither looked injured, but it is slightly odd behaviours, naking the chances before half-time. Mourinho is just so ... so ... so gnomic!
WHAT A GOAL! Liverpool 1-0 Middlesbrough (Wijnaldum)
Wijnaldum breaks forward at inside-right, exchanges passes with someone or other, and flings his entire life into a drive which rushes into the roof at the near post.
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At Arsenal, Barkley is on for Davies - presumably he’s injured. I wonder where Barkley will turn up - he really is a terrific talent, but where do you play him? I guess in a midfield three would be best, or next to another box-to-boxer with a more defensive inclination.
Watford 0-4 Man City (Fernandinho, 41)
Watford spurn approximately 63 opportunities to clear the ball before Fernandinho bundles his way into the box, right-hand side, to drive a finish across Gomes. This could easily be a bonaccording.
Updated
GOAL! Swansea City 0-1 West Brom (Evans, 34)
Header from a corner from one of the division’s best defenders and players of the season.
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Daniel Sturridge has just missed a chance at Anfield. They might not have been nervous before; they will be now.
Surely this isn’t the last we’re seeing of Aguero in the Premeer League?
GOAL! Watford 0-3 Manchester City (Aguero, 36)
Lovely goal, this, even if was scored against a team of cones. Caballero finds Clichy who finds Silva, and he slides into the path of Sane, streaking away at inside-left. He might shoot but instead squares for Aguero to tap home.
Updated
GOAL! Burnley 1-1 West Ham (Feghouli, 26)
A lovely goal, apparently, but I’ve not seen it so please use your imagination.
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Are you kidding me?
@DanielHarris Terry wasn't injured, they took him off in his final game in the 26th minute.
— Mark Schmidt (@J0nas3) May 21, 2017
Wayne Rooney is arguing with the referee, obviously.
Anyway, Chelsea are knocking at the door. Liverpool aren’t, really.
Is this a key event? I mean really?
John Terry is injured, and the Chelsea players gave him a guard of honour as he was subbed. Yes they did!
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GOAL! Arsenal 2-0 Everton (Sanchez, 27)
A shot, from Xhaka I think, ricochets into Welbeck’s path, he turns in front of the keeper, lays it back to Sanchez, and he passes into the net. Liverpool will need to win!
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GOAL! Burnley 1-0 West Ham (Vokes, 23)
West Ham, eh.
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Bournemouth lead Leicester 1-0, the goal from Junior Stanislas.
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Spurs lead Hull 2-0.
Naturally, Harrance Kane scored both, one a tap-in following a lovely ball over the top from Dier, volleyed low into the middle by Trippier. It’s so, so easy for them at the moment.
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GOAL! Watford 0-2 Man City (Aguero, 23)
So easy. Aguero goes through the middle, pauses, and leathers a low shot across Gomes and into the corner,
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“I know the guy, he is a good guy and he didn’t want to cause any malice.” Excellent from Martin Keown excellent on what constitutes a red card offence.
GOAL! Manchester United 2-0 Crystal Palace (Pogba, 19)
Lingard drives forward on the break and slides a pass towards Pogba, inside the box. It oughtn’t to get through but Ward makes a mess of his interception and Pogba, who’s missed the last two games mourning the loss of his dad, drives through Hennessey’s legs from close range. The celebrations reflect that.
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GOAL! Manchester United 1-0 Crystal Palace (Harrop, 15)
Easy this senior football, what? Found by a wondrous pass from the outside of Pogba’s boot, curving into his path, Harrop cuts across the face of goal from left to right and curls hard into the far side-netting. That’s a lovely finish and he celebrates as you would, arms waving wildly.
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Gabriel Jesus ought to have added another for Chelsea, but as he went through, a mess was made.
RED CARD LAURENT KOSCIELNY!
Excuse me while I interrupt myself! Pending an appeal, presumably, Koscielny will mss the Cup Final! He was done for pace by Calvert-Lewin, slid in hard and late, but low and with some control. He flattened his man, and Michael Oliver was over as quickly as you’d expect to send him off.
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“Is ‘The Cherries’ football’s worst nickname?” emails William Hargreaves. “Well not necessarily, I don’t think. Given that it is supposed to represent their shirt colour, ‘The Haemorrhoids’ could have been worse?”
But this is a whole nother category, nicknames that never were.
GOAL! GUESS WHERE! CORRECT! Chelsea 1-1 Sunderland (William, 12)
The ball bobbles about in the Sunderland box with various attackers enjoying touches, and eventually it’s forced wide to Willian, who thrashes a low shot in at the near post. I’m not sure the keeper will want to see that one again.
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GOAL! Chelsea 0-1 Sunderland (Jones, 9)
Seriously. A cross from the leftm some poor defending, and there’s the goal machine’s goal machine to open the scoring.
GOAL! Arsenal 1-0 Everton (Bellerin, 8)
Arsenal turn Everton’s left-flank with the help of some compliant defending, Ozil drives in a low cross which Welbeck misses entirely, from about two yards out, but Bellerin is there to tap home. That was so Welbeck.
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Chance for Liverpool! Coutinho sends Milner down the left and his cross falls to Clyne. He might swipe it with his left, but rather like a Kick Off 2 player, he can only play the way he’s facing, drilling a right-footer in a straight line, wide.
GOAL! Watford 0-1 Manchester City (Kompany, 5)
Watford don’t appear entirely excited by this afternoon’s tussle. City win a corner, it picks out Kompany, minding his own around the penalty spot, and he tumps home a header, uncontested.
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Early chance at Arsenal, Welbeck deftly groining the ball wide from very few yards out.
Lovely one-two from Zaha and Puncheon - the former finding the latter, who responds with a backheel, sending him into the box. But Fosu-Mensah slides in brilliantly to avert the danger.
A heavy touch from Aguero allows Gomes to dive at his feet, but he retrieves the ball and dinks a cross into the middle from the by-line. Jesus is up and nods goalwards, but the man on the line chests it away.
Fred the Red goes to give Mourinho a high-five. Mourinho blanks him.
They’re hollering You’ll Never Walk Alone at Anfield. At the Vic, the Hornets are huddling.
BREAKING NEWS: Daniel Sturridge didn’t nod his head sufficiently vigorously when listening to the pre-match warm-up music.
At Old Trafford, the teams are marching from the tunnel to halfway. It really makes you think it’s all important.
The teams come out at Vicarage Road, and elsewhere around the country.
Julio Arca, what a hero.
"A dream come true"
— BT Sport Football (@btsportfootball) May 21, 2017
Ex-Sunderland and @Boro man @julioarcaOK speaks emotionally after victory on his Wembley debut.#NonLeagueFinalsDay pic.twitter.com/SnGd86mr16
I mean seriously.
Of course, it’s impossible that a man who’s spent as long injured as Sturridge has knows his own body.
Gary Neville is talking about Daniel Sturridge, saying that you need to get him a lot of the ball to get the benefit of him. I don’t really see why Liverpool would get rid - he’s not often fit, it’s true, but he’s useful when he is. There’s no issue with him not being first pick, because it barely matters. Graeme Souness, meanwhile, is haranguing the intensity of his warm-up. “Other people were picking their leg up higher than him.”
According to the Manchester Evening News, Jose Mourinho would like to buy Nemanja Matic - presumably, Chelseas fancy bringing in Tiemoue Bakayoko. I’m not certain good football teams - modern football teams - need a stopper protecting their defence.
“First of all, we have to defend ... they have quality,” reckons Jurgen Klopp of Boro. 5/10.
Aha!
Smalling has a toe injury, so don't read too much into Jones' inclusion. Could still start against Ajax
— James Robson (@JamesRobsonMEN) May 21, 2017
I’m interested in this last fixture. What would constitute a good season for Swansea and West Brom in 2017-18? And how do they go about getting better?
📋 Team news is in!
— Swansea City AFC (@SwansOfficial) May 21, 2017
Here's how we will line up for our season finale against @WBA... ⚽️#SWAWBA pic.twitter.com/JODZZqWtQK
Albion team v @SwansOfficial: Foster; Nyom, Dawson, Evans, M Wilson; Yacob, Fletcher (c), Livermore; Morrison, Brunt; Rondon.#SWAWBA #WBA pic.twitter.com/x1Em41mK9P
— West Bromwich Albion (@WBA) May 21, 2017
So, what about Mark Hughes? On the one hand, Stoke are about where they should be; on the other, might he not exceed expectations given how good his best players could be?
#SaintsFC team to face #SCFC: Forster, Cédric, Yoshida, Stephens, Bertrand, Davis (c), Romeu, Ward-Prowse, Redmond, Tadić, Austin. pic.twitter.com/ysQZsxiqqO
— Southampton FC (@SouthamptonFC) May 21, 2017
📝 #SCFC Starting XI v @SouthamptonFC: Butland; Cameron, Shawcross, Martins Indi; Diouf, Whelan, Allen, Pieters; Shaqiri, Crouch, Ramadan. pic.twitter.com/wHWHSiMC9r
— Stoke City FC (@stokecity) May 21, 2017
Is “The Cherries” football’s worst nickname?
Today's starting XI: Schmeichel (c), Simpson, Benalouane, Fuchs, Chilwell, Mahrez, Ndidi, King, Albrighton, Slimani, Vardy. #LeiBou pic.twitter.com/b3V7kL9mwp
— Leicester City (@LCFC) May 21, 2017
📋
— AFC Bournemouth 🍒 (@afcbournemouth) May 21, 2017
Four changes for the Cherries at @LCFC in our final @premierleague game of the season.
➡ https://t.co/x2SkW77DVd#afcb 🍒 pic.twitter.com/DrWhic8fOt
🔶◾️ | Here’s the @HullCity team to face @SpursOfficial in today’s @PremierLeague clash at the KCOM Stadium #HULTOT pic.twitter.com/yw4jTlSbcS
— Hull City (@HullCity) May 21, 2017
#THFC: Lloris (C), Trippier, Alderweireld, Vertonghen, Davies, Dier, Wanyama, Eriksen, Son, Dele, Kane. #COYS pic.twitter.com/zIE3m4nNer
— Tottenham Hotspur (@SpursOfficial) May 21, 2017
Chelsea: Courtois; Azpilicueta, David Luiz, Terry (c); Moses, Kante, Fabregas, Alonso; Willian, Diego Costa, Hazard. Subs: Begovic, Zouma, Cahill, Chalobah, Matic, Pedro, Batshuayi.
📝 Here's how #SAFC line up for their final game of the 2016-17 @premierleague season v @ChelseaFC... pic.twitter.com/XAErrmiq5v
— Sunderland AFC (@SunderlandAFC) May 21, 2017
Choking up, here.
One last time at Stamford Bridge. #CaptainLeaderLegend pic.twitter.com/6XcZA7uDVQ
— Chelsea FC (@ChelseaFC) May 21, 2017
Quina and Rice on the West Ham bench, Big Slav covering every base there.
TEAM NEWS: Here's your Burnley team for today's final @premierleague game of the 2016/17 season v @WestHamUtd pic.twitter.com/Yg7aOnVqbg
— Burnley FC (@BurnleyOfficial) May 21, 2017
TEAM NEWS!
— West Ham United (@WestHamUtd) May 21, 2017
3️⃣ changes...
➡️ Ogbonna, Feghouli, Snodgrass
⬅️ Reid, Nordtveit, Calleri#COYI #BURWHU pic.twitter.com/NDpQYI7ZuE
TEAM NEWS | Presented by @haysworldwide... #watfordvcity #mcfc pic.twitter.com/zTaofDAGP1
— Manchester City (@ManCity) May 21, 2017
#watfordfc line-up v @ManCity: Gomes (GK); Janmaat, Behrami, Holebas; Amrabat, Cleverley, Doucouré, Capoue, Mason; Niang, Okaka. pic.twitter.com/4lc7J8yyB1
— Watford FC (@WatfordFC) May 21, 2017
De-mob happy Watford manager names two goalkeepers on the bench #watfordfc pic.twitter.com/vWICdvLG7n
— Andy Sims (@AndyCSims) May 21, 2017
So, no Ross Barkley for Everton - it does not seem like Ronald Koeman is one bit arsed if he leaves. I get why you’d affect that; I don’t get why it’d be true.
Arsenal’s XI looks like one that’ll start the Cup Final, with the exception of Gabriel, whose spot’ll go to Mustafi.
Arsenal: Cech, Holding, Koscielny, Gabriel, Bellerin, Ramsey, Xhaka, Monreal, Ozil, Alexis, Welbeck. Subs: Ospina, Mertesacker, Coquelin, Elneny, Iwobi, Walcott, Giroud.
📋 | Team news is in! @ronaldkoeman makes one change from our last game as Enner Valencia starts in place of Ross Barkley. COYB! #EFCawayday pic.twitter.com/2NzPlvjkOS
— Everton (@Everton) May 21, 2017
No going easy from Significantly-sized Samuel, then. As far as that United XI goes, it’s a shame that Angel Gomes isn’t starting - he’s a serious talent. Otherwise, we can perhaps deduce that Smalling will start on Wednesday night, alongside Blind, with Darmian at left-back. And so, perhaps, will Mata.
“A Nicky Butt team” with some other bits and pieces.
It's here - our final starting XI of the league season! #MUFC #MUNCRY 🔴 pic.twitter.com/W8QJfOzD3l
— Manchester United (@ManUtd) May 21, 2017
Here's the #CPFC 🦅 team to take on @ManUtd this afternoon...#MUNCRY 🔴🔵 pic.twitter.com/4RH2Aue0zZ
— Crystal Palace F.C. (@CPFC) May 21, 2017
Liverpool: Mignolet, Clyne, Matip, Lovren, Milner, Can, Wijnaldum, Lallana, Coutinho, Firmino, Sturridge. Subs: Karius, Moreno, Alexander-Arnold, Klavan, Lucas, Grujic, Origi.
Middlesbrough: Guzan, Fabio, Chambers, Gibson, Friend, Clayton, Leadbitter, Forshaw, Downing, Bamford, Gestede. Subs: Dimi, Ayala, Bernardo, De Roon, Fischer, Stuani, Negredo.
Anyway, let’s have ourselves some teams.
I was just listening to Alfie Mawson interviewed on the wireless. He doesn’t feel like a Premier League players because “I literally go home and just play on my Playstation”.
Er, isn’t that the very definition of?
Preamble
I was just thinking, the sky is dark, the wind is cold, the night is young, before it’s old and grey, we will know the thrill of it all. The time has come, it’s getting late, it’s now or never, don’t hesitate or stall - when I call. Don’t spoil, the thrill of it all.
Ok, I won’t, so: welcome to the real football factories the staggering denouement of Premier League season 2016-17. We know who’re champions, we know more or less who’s going into the Champions League, we know who’s going into the Europa League and we know who’s going down.
It’s on!
And it’s ... liiiiive!
Kick-offs or kicks-off: 3pmBST
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